16/11/2021
I love to meditate and it is proven that it is extremely good for me, at the same time though...
I have a neurodivergent brain and It is constantly on the run, jumping from a topic to a thought, from an idea to another, from the desire to do a particular action to the complete indifference for the same. My brain just goes ballistic by the thought of sitting still! Mostly my mouth can't catch up with my mind. And I regularly reach a point of a complete overwhelm caused by my own ideas- it's a freeze mode, frustration, panic, anxiety and if not careful can lead into a phase of depression.
For a long time I suffered from the idea that meditation has to be a certain form, length, has to feel a certain way. In reality it is non of the above.
Ever since I let go of the idea of meditation as a "doing" task and introduced to my brain the idea that it is about being (at rest, at peace, lazy... I like that last one too :)), without the expectation of achievement, but with the promise of just silence, things started changing.
We rarely allow ourselves rest unless it is the absolute necessary nightly sleep, it feels wrong to not do anything. But think about it, if you can consciously allow yourself to rest and for 10 minutes a day without guilt, trust me your mind will have less reason to "make" you "lazy" through illness, fatigue, lack of motivation etc.
At times when it is difficult, a guided meditation can help navigate even when we don't have much time. Just closing the eyes and reminding ourselves of our blessings is wonderful. It can be just 2-3 minutes, 5, 10, 20, 30...
In moments of overwhelm, I would sit down, or lie down, set an alarm, plug my ears (very important for me else each sound would change the direction of my attention) and then I just listen. I try and see if I can feel my heart pumping in my body and whenever thoughts arise, I would playfully imagine them to be little fluffy and non threatening clouds that are in my vicinity, but in no way able to interfere with who I am.
After a meditation the cycle of overwhelm is broken, and the down spiral cut short, then I can function "normally" again until next time.
Can you relate?
Hugs,
Maria
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