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https://ramblingpsychotherapist.co.uk/, https://ramblingpsychotherapist.co.uk/index.php/courses/

The Rambling Psychotherapist, Leeds (2026)

26/02/2026

I talk a lot about stories and how they can both help and hinder us.

A good story strikes a balance between acknowledging that all may not necessarily be well in the world, and that salvation is also available.

No story does this as well as a fairytale.

They introduce us to some pretty gruesome and brutal material - death, murder, abandonment, bullying, abuse (the list goes on).

But, no fairytale ends with the protagonist being murdered by the evil step-mother and her dancing on a grave with everyone agreeing that the child deserved it really, the witch never gets her tasty meal, and even the wolf does not get to stay full for long.

There is always a point at which the fortune of the suffering changes. There is a moment of clarity and creativity, which allows for escape, or an outside intervention arrives and leads to freedom. The weak, the naive, and the vulnerable always get to carry on with life, which leaves us with a sense of hope.

We tell ourselves stories (frequently unconsciously) about the way the world works. Oftentimes, these stories look like a fairytale at the outset, but no reprieve ever comes. We feel like our fortunes will never ever change; no reprieve is available to us.

Therapy helps us to examine those stories and learn how to become the shining light of salvation for ourselves, so that we too can live 'happily ever after'. That is, if by 'happily' we mean being at peace with experiencing a whole spectrum of human emotions, not feeling stuck in them, and being able to recognise and mobilise our own agency to give to ourselves the care and resources needed to change our experience.

23/02/2026

Regulation is not the process of getting rid of 'bad' feelings. It is the process of teaching your nervous system how to move through different states and not get stuck in them.

This grows your capacity to sit with things that are uncomfortable, without necessarily having to react to them in a way which is fueled by survival energy.

There are so many ways of teaching your nervous system how to not get stuck in survival mode constantly, but it is a common misconception that you can just breathe or meditate yourself into a different way of feeling.

Trying to ricochet from anxious flight or angry fight energy, straight into a peaceful rest and digest state without having done something to move the energy that is telling you that action is needed, can result in an amplifying of the existing state and even move you into a feeling of being stuck (freeze). In these moments, sometimes we need to move, before we can come back to rest and digest.

Similarly, if you feel trapped in a freeze state, or shut down with no energy, movement can also facilitate a shift in state here too.

That is not to say that breathwork and meditation are ineffective; they definitely have their place in bringing a nervous system into a harmonious way of functioning (think homeostasis here, not peace, love and light). They are just 'part' of what is needed to facilitate healing.

Movement practices you can try when your body feels agitated by a fight or flight response: Running on the spot, foot stomping, jumping, shaking, body tapping (open handed, not on specific points), air punching, brisk walking, pushing against a wall, heel drops. All of these can then be followed by a down-regulating activity such as breathwork or mindfulness/meditation and are super effective when used in combination.

For when you are in freeze or flop: Moving the eyes (not the head) slowly from left to right, similar but with the head, notice where feels particularly tense or still and bring small movement to those areas, butterfly taps, gentle walking, rocking (either seated or standing), heel drops. Similarly, here, you can follow this with the breath; a physiological sigh can really help reset your system.

22/02/2026

Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves get in the way of us having the experience of life that we really want.

To move past this, we need to raise our awareness of our internal narratives. But awareness alone cannot always shift us towards what would feel satisfying.

Sometimes we also need to take action, which often feels counter-intuitive, as it is not directly related to what we want, to offer a counterbalance to the story before we can mobilise towards our true desire.

I explore this a little in my latest blog. If you're curious, grab yourself a cuppa and immerse yourself for a short while here https://ramblingpsychotherapist.co.uk/index.php/2026/02/13/the-procrastination-demon/

20/02/2026

People often get disheartened when learning to regulate their nervous systems because of some common misunderstandings. so let's set the record straight:

☀️ Calm and relaxed is not the goal! - Being able to navigate the spectrum of feeling and not get stuck is. Being Calm and relaxed all the time is just as much a sign of a dysregulated nervous system as being anxious all the time is.

☀️ Regulation takes time! - It often took repeated experiences for your nervous system to learn to be extra vigilant. It also takes small and repeated experiences for it to learn to be regulated.

☀️ Regulation is not necessarily comfortable! - Regulation gives you the capacity to stay present with discomfort and not be overwhelmed by it, or hijacked by unnecessary survival behaviours.

☀️ An intense reaction is not a failure or regression! - An intense reaction is just a sign that your system needs support. It’s an opportunity to further your healing, not a failure to regulate.

17/02/2026

Our world is full of sources of inspiration, wisdom and guidance that we can tap into, from spiritual sources (religious figures, alternative spirituality gurus, astrology, tarot and other divination sources, the universe etc) to dispensers of 'truth' (scientists, coaches, therapists, doctors etc).

People want to have somewhere to turn when they feel uncertain, and that is why these avenues of support and wisdom exist. The reality is though, that each dispenser of wisdom is only offering the perspective which they personally feel most aligned with, and rarely is their approach the only way of looking at something. The ideas of right and wrong are a bit of a grey area and highly perspective/context specific.

Now, most of us will have a preference in where we will turn, as our first port of call, when we are facing a conundrum (this can also be context-specific). But how often do we question the wisdom dispensed and consider other alternatives before deciding on what our own position will be?

In a world where opinion is available to us at the scroll of a social media feed or search engine results page, I think it's a good skill to be learned.

Questions to ask yourself when deciding on your position in relation to someone else's wisdom:

❓Why does this particular perspective appeal to me/ not appeal to me? What about it feels safe or familiar, or scary and unfamiliar?
❓Are there other perspectives that I could consider before working out where I am in relation to these opinions?
❓What authority does the opinion giver hold, and is their opinion backed up elsewhere by other people in authority?
❓If I choose to align myself with this opinion, how might it serve me, and how might it disadvantage me?

It is the Lunar / Chinese New Year. Does this way of thinking about the world hold some value for you?

14/02/2026

As a therapist it is surprising how often people expect me to dispense some words of advice and for that to be the thing that makes everything feel okay.

But, that's actually not how therapy works. Advice is always heavily influenced by the giver's perspective, so any advice that I could give would be what I believe might work for me, or what I have seen work for other people. But that might not be right for you.

So, instead, we explore together your position, and then we line that up alongside some alternative perspectives, and then I support you to work out what might feel best for you, given the information you have available at the time.

This way, you get something bespoke and not just a one-size-fits-all formula, which may be limited in its effect.

It's book-giving day today, and, as a therapist, I'm often asked what books I would recommend. But I can only ever make suggestions about the books that I have found some value in, which might offer you a perspective which you haven't yet considered. Again, you would have to absorb the information and see how it sits with you.

I am currently enjoying The Wild Within, by

It's introducing me to some alternative ways to be in relationship with the natural world. I am learning new things and finding value in considering the author's perspectives. If you're curious about plants and your relationship with them, this might also be of interest to you.

What book would you recommend, to who, and why?

13/02/2026

This week it is Galentine's Day, Malentine's Day and Valentine's Day. All celebration days that are built around the idea of belonging, and true belonging is something very worthy of celebration (although it won't surprise you to hear that I believe this can happen regularly, at any time of year, and not just when marketeers would like us to believe is the right time).

Let's talk about tribe...

There have been a number of studies whose conclusions suggest that being connected with and part of a community(ies) in which you are accepted, supported, and even celebrated for being who you are has myriad benefits for your mental, emotional, and physical health.

So, finding your tribe(s), the people you can just relax and be yourself around, is really important when you are striving to have a fulfilling life.

I'm not talking faux-connection here, not the places you can belong, but the cost is that you have to leave parts of yourself behind / censor yourself in order to be considered acceptable. This kind of connection causes more problems, which often outweigh any benefits the contact may offer.

And yet, it's surprisingly common that the people I work with believe that this is the only kind of connection they will ever be able to access. If this is how you find yourself feeling, spoiler... It's not true!

As adults, we have the freedom to choose, to a large extent, where and with whom we invest our time, energy and emotions, and it is often our fundamental beliefs about ourselves and what we feel we deserve which get in the way of us accessing something more nourishing than faux-connection.

These beliefs don't appear out of nowhere. They form because of the conditioning you have experienced at times when you felt you had no choice about where your connection came from (early family/community life, school etc). This way of belonging became so much of your norm that you probably never even questioned if something else was available.

The good news is that (certainly here in the UK) it is possible to change this. With new stories, new experiences and a f*ck ton of support for your nervous system, you can have something different.

10/02/2026

She looks alright doesn't she. The kid in the photo - clean, dressed well, smiling.

This was me. I was not alright. I wish someone had spotted the signs and intervened. I had to wait until I was an adult and get help to resolve the turmoil which was the legacy of my early experiences.

The kids who endure adverse experiences, the kids that are subtly told that their emotions are not welcome, the kids whose nervous systems are not regulated by a caring adult when they are really small, the kids who are squashed and supressed and required to be something which they aren't, the kids who are asked to grow up far too quickly in order to look after the grown-ups around them (emotionally and/or physically) - they do not shout about their experience, because for them, it is the only one they know. They don't know that it leads them to feel the way they do. They don't even necessarily know that help is needed.

This means that their struggle can go unnoticed. These people then go on to be the ones who come and see me, years later, because they feel fundamentally flawed. They still don't know that it is what they endured which was wrong, not them.

The world could be a whole heap better if we learned what it takes to properly support a growing child and delivered on that. But not only that, also educating ourselves on the signs that something might be going awry in a child or young person's life and learning strategies to offer support.

It's Children's Mental Health Week. This is as good a time as any to get more clued up.

There are some amazing resources at www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk

08/02/2026

Snowdrops are one of my all-time favourite flowers, so I can't let National Snowdrop Day go past unmarked.

These gorgeous little flowers not only bring a little warmth and cheer to my soul at the back end of winter, but they have some seriously impressive qualities that I take a little inspiration from.

Snowdrops are seriously adept at navigating some pretty hostile conditions. They create their own heat so as to be able to push through frozen ground, or melt patches of snow, and they create a natural antifreeze to stop them from perishing when the world around them gets really hostile.

This reminds me of the human ability to adapt to their environment and to resource self when times get tough.

But that's not the end of the story.

Snowdrops have also gotten really clever at reproducing. They flower at a time of year when insect pollination is far from being guaranteed. So they have learned to propagate underground instead. Not only this, though, but in years where we have a milder winter, and the snowdrop flowers get fertilised, a seed is then produced, and to ensure maximum success in reproduction, they have developed a reciprocal relationship with another of our six-legged community - ants.

The snowdrop produces an oil and protein-rich sack attached to its seed, which ants love to eat. The ants gather the seeds and carry them off to their nests to eat later. They are not interested in the actual seed, though, so the result is that the snowdrop seed gets carried over a distance overground and then gets planted in the ant's nest.

I see this as a very important reminder that we live in an interconnected world, and sometimes, to thrive, we have to get our needs met in relationship, too.

This is a skill that is really challenging for some people, having been told they need to be independent and self-reliant, and not to be a burden to others (this story is not all that helpful by the way).

If you are one of these people (I was, so you're not alone), ask yourself, how can I be more snowdrop?

How do I look after myself well, how do I develop relationships which are mutually beneficial, and how do I ask for my needs to be met in those relationships?

06/02/2026

When people think of stories, they think about fascinating tales of other people. We rarely think about our own.

But stories are how we make sense of the world.

Let me tell you the story of why I'm a therapist.

My given story - Grow up - FAST! Understand that your needs are very inconvenient for everyone else and will either be completely ignored or met with hostility, so you have to look after yourself. You need to realise that whatever you bring to the world, it will be wrong, but you still have to try, no matter how upset or angry we get with you. Our view of the world dictates that as a female, you should not have any ambition; your path is to find a partner, have children, and serve their needs. If you express any protest or distress about these rules, you will be considered to be mentally unhinged. Oh, and there is a set of rules for appropriate conduct which we will not be sharing with you. You are required to develop mind-reading capabilities to work these rules out, and... if you get close to guessing the rules, we will change them in an instant to keep you constantly developing. We love you!

My interpretation - I am inherently defective. I am not welcome. I am on my own. People are not safe.

These stories dictated how I behaved in the world. I was often experienced as fiercely independent, defensive, aggressive or aloof. I exhibited a constant push-pull in relationships. I felt really misunderstood. Life caused me a great deal of distress. I didn't believe I was worthy of anything, so I never really strived towards anything of importance. The way I viewed the entire world was run through the lens of 'How do I survive this?'

And then I was introduced to the idea that this was a story I was living my life by, and that there were alternative narratives out there for me to choose, should I consider them.

So I started to unpick the threads of these tightly woven tales, to create some space for flow. I dug in and started to do the work of becoming aware. Not only that, but to also do the work of teaching my body, my nerves, my cells that a new story was possible. It revolutionised my life.

And now here I am, supporting others to do similar.

02/02/2026

Stories make the world go round! And National Storytelling Week is about to get underway.

It's a good opportunity to talk about why stories are so powerful and super important for us to pay attention to.

There's a lot of evidence to suggest that the reason humans are as successful as we are as a species is because we are able to tell stories.

Stories let us know where we belong, they help us unite and collaborate with total strangers (look at movements such as me too and black lives matter), they teach us the rules for social engagement and they let us know how to fit in.

We are all capable of telling stories. In fact we do it unconsciously, moment by moment in every single day, as a way of making sense of our experiences.

Have you ever been in a situation with a group of people where you all experienced the same thing, but after the event, when you spoke about it, you all had a slightly different explanation of what just happened? That's an illustration of our unconscious storytelling at work.

Stories help us to survive and to thrive. Unfortunately, though, when our stories are predominantly about survival, they can really limit us.

Sometimes, because of our experiences in life, we learn to tell ourselves negative stories about who we are and our impact in the world. These can have a really detrimental effect on our ability to create a life for ourselves which feels fulfilling. And a lot of the time, because we tell ourselves stories unconsciously, we don't necessarily have an awareness of what is standing in our way.

Stories shape our behaviour, but we don't get to choose how they impact us unless we make them conscious.

Growing your ability to self-reflect is the starting point in getting to a place where you can consciously shape your story, but that is not all that is involved in this work. The ability to craft new stories, and teach our bodies and our nervous systems that it's okay to switch from surviving to thriving, is also key. You can't just think your way into a different state of being, but there is no doubt about it, our imaginations and our ability to tell stories are really important.

01/02/2026

All of my client spaces are currently occupied; my pool is full.

That means my waiting list is now open.

If you would like to work together in the future, get in contact. Let's have a chat about whether we are a good fit. Send me an email to rachel@ramblingpsychotherapist.co.uk to book a discovery call.

The Rambling Psychotherapist

26/02/2026

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22/02/2026

20/02/2026

17/02/2026

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