10/12/2025
๐ CHOICE IS HEALING: Why You and Your Horse Both Need Agency More Than Obedience
Trauma is often present in the absence of choice. This is true for horses, and it is true for us.
When you grow up in environments where saying no was unsafe, where you had to adapt to keep the peace, or where your needs were dismissed, your nervous system learns the same lesson many horses learn:
Keep quiet. Comply. Survive.
That old conditioning shows up in how we move through the world. It shows up in how we parent, how we partner, and how we respond when someone pushes our boundaries. Sometimes it even shows up in how we handle our horses.
So when we start giving horses more agency, we are often learning it ourselves at the same time.
This is why giving choice is healing for both species
Every time you allow your horse to communicate discomfort, you practise listening.
Every time you pause instead of push, your own nervous system gets the message that safety does not rely on control.
Every time you let your horse participate instead of obey, you remind yourself that collaboration is stronger than fear.
It becomes a shared form of repair.
๐ด A horse takes a step back from the saddle whilst being tacked up.
You take a breath instead of forcing the issue.
๐ด A horse hesitates at the trailer/lorry ramp.
You remember that hesitation is communication, not defiance.
๐ด A horse needs a moment to process.
You give it, and in doing so, you give yourself permission to slow down too.
๐ง Bit by bit, both bodies learn:
โI have agency now.โ
โI get to contribute, not just comply.โ
โI am safe enough to choose.โ
This is the heart of ethical horsemanship. It is also the heart of healing.
๐ If you could offer yourself one small act of agency today, what would it be? And what could you offer your horse in return?
