06/03/2026
So many couples tell me the same thing:
“I just never feel in the mood anymore.”
But here’s something most people aren’t told…
In long-term relationships, desire doesn’t always arrive first.
In the early days, attraction and excitement can feel spontaneous.
You look at each other and the spark is just there.
Over time, life gets fuller.
Work, children, stress, tiredness, routines.
Waiting to suddenly feel in the mood before you show affection often means intimacy slowly disappears altogether.
For many people — particularly in long-term relationships — desire is responsive, not spontaneous.
That means it often comes after closeness begins.
A hug.
A kiss that lasts a little longer.
Sitting closer on the sofa.
Touch without pressure or expectation.
Connection first.
Desire second.
So if you’re waiting to magically feel in the mood before you reach for your partner… you might be waiting a very long time.
Sometimes the spark doesn’t start the moment.
Sometimes the moment creates the spark.
I’m curious…do you find desire comes before intimacy, or after connection has already started?
