NVR Family Support

04/12/2024

26/11/2024

It is likely we have all experienced the feeling of shame at some point in our lives, and I’m sure those of you that have, know that it is an uncomfortable feeling, which can take time to subside.

I was unfortunate enough to be publicly shamed by an individual some years ago, when my son was having a meltdown in an A&E waiting room. That memory played over and over in my mind in the days that followed, and it’s still something I think about 8 years on. Using self-compassion I have faced my emotions around the incident and healed from the experience, but it is still something I think about every now and again.

Most of us will be able to regulate our feelings of shame when they are experienced periodically, but what happens when we are experiencing feelings of shame several times a month, a week or even a day? Shame can start to become unregulated, meaning we no longer manage to get past these experiences, which can make it difficult for us to connect to ourselves and others around us.

Children can be exposed to shaming experiences from many sources; families, school staff, friends, peer groups, social media, strangers. This can lead to a decline in feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, which can then lead to them developing a belief that they are a bad person or never good enough. This can also mean children are more likely to have a strong emotional or behavioural response whenever anyone tries to raise concerns with them.

With NVR, we use several tools aimed at reducing the feelings of shame experienced by children, while still actively addressing any parental concerns in a supportive and connected way.

18/11/2024

Melatonin is produced in the Pineal gland located in the brain. This gland forms part of the Body’s endocrine (hormone) system and synchronizes the body’s circadian rhythm. The most well-known purpose of the circadian rhythm is the wake/sleep cycle; however, it is responsible for some other physical, mental and behavioural changes which occur in any 24-hour period.

At night, when there is darkness, your body produces its highest levels of melatonin, and when your body starts to be exposed to light in the daytime the amount of melatonin produced decreases. Retinas in your eyes receives information on light & dark which then leads to the appropriate amount of melatonin release. This would explain why bright lit screens can have a negative effect on your sleep cycle.

Melatonin also interacts with certain female hormones and can help to regulate menstrual cycles.

From late teens through to age 40, Melatonin levels remain stable, however as we age past 40 melatonin production decreases.

Melatonin can be produced synthetically and can be prescribed to those individuals who do not produce enough naturally, usually this is for short term use.

The quantity and quality of sleep are important factors for our health, the right levels of sleep can improve mood, improve heart health, support healthy growth and development, help regulate hormones which control hunger, support your immune system.

When we don’t get enough sleep, in the short term you may notice a change in mood, have trouble focusing, learning or processing information, experience fatigue or feel lethargic during the day, you may feel hungrier for high fat and high sugar foods. Research has also shown when we aren’t getting good quality regular sleep, we are more likely to become ill after being exposed to a virus and take longer to recover. Long-term lack of sleep can increase your risk of obesity, cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

There are steps we can take to improve our sleep:
Create a restful environment.
Create a sleep schedule (going to bed/sleep and waking up at the same time each night/day).
Reduce or avoid your stimulants in the evenings such as caffeine, ni****ne and alcohol.
Reduce screen time as your sleep time approaches or place your devices on low blue light or night time mode.
Eat foods rich in melatonin.
Take daily exercise.

22/10/2024

Hand’s up everyone who looks after everyone else before themselves. This is a common situation I come across with many of the families I work with. It’s hard when life has so much happening to look after our own needs and put ourselves first, even more so when the people we care about are struggling or suffering.

For those of you who have flown before, you will probably remember the safety talk from the flight crew, telling you in an emergency to put your own oxygen mask on before you help members of your family. Through my son’s love of aircraft engineering, I have come to realise how apt this expression is.

When you are facing a situation on a plane where the oxygen masks drop, it ensures you do not suffer the effects from lack of oxygen. A lack of oxygen is called hypoxia, some of the symptoms of hypoxia are fatigue and a declined ability to think rationally and problem solve effectively. When you think about it, when you don’t prioritise self-care, you are likely to suffer these same effects.

If you don’t “top your own batteries up” regularly how effective can you be at helping someone else? Think about times when you are feeling fatigued compared to when you are full of energy; how do you show up for the people around you in both of these situations, what is the difference in the care you give?

Self-care can be lots of things, but I tend to find a lot of people think about it in terms of activities which take 1 or more hours at a time to do, and that can be impossible for some people to achieve.

Doing 5 minutes self-care activities a few times a week can be much easier to do than 1 big activity, and you will still feel the benefits. Here are some ideas of 5-minute activities which can help top up your energy reserves.

Sit outside and enjoy the scenery and wildlife in your garden or at your nearest green space.
Read an interesting magazine or news article
Play your favourite song and dance and sing along (you know you want to)
Watch a video clip on social media which makes you laugh
Go to bed/sleep 5 minutes early (you’d be surprised at the difference this makes)
Enjoy your favourite snack
Do a short mindfulness exercise, there are plenty of ideas on the internet (combine this with the above for a mindful eating experience).

I’d love to hear about your ideas for 5-minute self-care activities, please post in the comments.

15/10/2024

As a parent of a child with ASC, I’ve had so many meetings with professionals over the years whose role it was to support the difficult situations we were experiencing. On many occasions I was made to feel like it was ME doing something wrong, that my parenting was the problem leaving me feeling like I was the one to BLAME and a lot of GUILT and SHAME came with that over the years, on several occasions I did start to question myself and my ability to be a good parent.

I felt belittled and unheard most of the time especially when I would tell someone reward charts don’t work for my child. I heard things like “YOU need to stick with it” “YOU need to be consistent” “YOU can’t be doing it right” which made me feel like I was doing something wrong when I knew deep down I was doing everything I possibly could to help my family.

It got to the point where I didn’t want to engage with professionals any longer. I would just have the meetings knowing I would be told the same things AGAIN, and that the easiest way to get it over and done with was to just nod and smile and say, “I will give that a go”. I really felt that no one was ever going to listen to what I had to say or take me seriously.

That was until I was invited to join an NVR group with my local CAMHs when our family had hit rock bottom. I went in with the same attitude of nod, smile, get it over with and then onto the next thing that doesn’t work.

My big surprise came when the practitioner on the first session turned to us all and said, “If rewards and consequences worked for your children you wouldn’t be here.” At last, someone believed me, I was shocked and relieved and found I was curious about what they would teach us. Throughout the course I was never made to feel like it was me, I was listened to and supported and all those feelings of blame, shame and guilt never surfaced once.

NVR recognises parents don’t suddenly have all the answers as soon as a child is born, that there isn’t a one size fits all approach for difficult situations, that children have many different factors in their lives which can cause distress and difficulties.

Needless to say, I went on to study and qualify as a practitioner. Parent practitioners are highly encouraged and supported in the NVR community across the world because we have lived it, we have seen the positive impacts and we use NVR in our daily lives.

NVR recognises parents are the primary professionals in their children’s life and that no one will ever understand your child more than you do. It allows for you to remain firmly in the driving seat. We will listen to what you have to say and support you through your own journey without judgement or blame.