01/03/2022
Has someone you love ever told you, I love you but am not in love with you. perhaps you saw it on tv, or happened to someone you know?
We tend to hear this statement, and lets admit it, it seems to have a deep meaning, and an intriguing sound, but do we actually know what it means?
When someone says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," they are making a distinction between two different feelings. But neither of those feelings is love!
When a person says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," they're saying that I care about you but I'm not excited about you.
Being excited about someone surely is a good thing. But it's different from love. as one might be excited to have a relationship with a famous Hollywood star, but that doesn't mean they love them. Am sure that those followers of movie stars and figures of authority will be excited to have a relationship with those people, or even have their photograph taken with them, however it doesn’t mean they love them, even if mistakenly they say so.
While someone who says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" seems to be making a distinction between two different love feelings;" in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that's why they're having marital/couple issues and someone cases maybe having an affair at least in their own mind with someone they are in love with.
Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of action. Love is a verb. It's not just a feeling you get from another person; it's an experience you receive as a result of something you do for another person. it’s based on action, this action doesn’t have to be physical as one may think... it could be just the fulfilling of someone’s own feeling of well-being, or adding more confidence and sense of security to their existence. wouldn’t you love someone who makes you feel good about yourself?
And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is not a mystery! There are specific things you can do with your partner to solve any niggling issues in your relationship and build love in your marriage/partnership. Just as there are physical laws in the universe, such as gravity, there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship will make your marriage/partnership stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love. with help of a couple counsellor, you can follow a marriage fitness program, to enhance, revive and strengthen your relationship. the program Mind Minders Center offers works even if one partner does it. which is ideal in cases where one partner agrees to couple therapy and the other does not.
Very often in the partnership fitness program session a person will say, I love my partner, but I'm not in love with them.
My immediate response is asking "Can you list 5 ways in which you have demonstrated your love to your spouse last week?"
The answer is usually grunts, partial statements, and gasps for breath, but none of what I hear ever passes for an answer to my question.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you" is an excuse. It basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last long term so I'm exiting to get fulfilment from another short-term romance. But whoever they're in short term love with now will also eventually hear, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you once the relationship enters the long-term phase.
Of course, this is all fine and good, but it's really your partner who that said I love you but not in love with needs to hear this, right?
That is not strictly true, it is a tricky task to get them to induce a thought change from "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" to "Okay, let's give this another chance", so if this is your situation, it's crucial that you handle it properly.
One wrong step and your marriage/partnership could be over. If you take the right steps though, you can draw your spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage together. How do you do that? This is something you will learn through the marriage fitness program, or by working with a well experienced marriage counselling therapist, to help you draw your partner back into the relationship without applying pressure that will eventually cast them further away.
You can register and receive the marriage fitness program and receive one to one support online.
On the couple therapy channel of Feeling to Healing Clinic
The Marriage Fitness Program is a 4-week relationship transforming at home multi-sensory program. unlike other programs this one is delivered on a one-to-one private sessions’ basis. You can also contact the clinic on WhatsApp on +44 7562 788646
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