07/09/2025
🧩Have you ever promised yourself, “Next time will be different”?
A new partner. A new job. A new beginning.
And yet, before long, something familiar creeps back in. The same argument resurfaces. The same distance grows. The same heavy silence or overwhelming frustration leaves you wondering , why does this keep happening?
It can feel confusing, even hopeless. You want things to change, but no matter how much effort you put in, the cycle repeats.
What you are experiencing is not random. It is not about bad luck, or simply choosing the “wrong” person. More often than not, it is about the patterns we don’t see.
🧩The Hidden Blueprint We All Carry
From our earliest days, we are learning about connection. Long before we have words, our brains and bodies are absorbing signals about safety, love, and belonging.
If comfort only came when we were helpful, we may grow into adults who prioritise others’ needs over our own.
If love came with conditions , achievement, obedience, perfection , we may become adults who chase approval rather than authentic connection.
If emotions were ignored or dismissed, we may learn to hide our feelings, later struggling to express vulnerability in relationships.
These strategies are not flaws. They are survival patterns, built into our unconscious as ways to feel secure in the world.
The challenge is that what once helped us cope as children can quietly limit us as adults.
How Patterns Show Up in Adult Life
These hidden blueprints surface everywhere:
In romantic partnerships: One person feels they are always giving, while the other feels they can never give enough.
In the workplace: A team member avoids conflict at all costs, but quietly resents their boundaries being crossed.
In friendships: Someone feels invisible unless they are the “fixer” or the “fun one,” never simply valued for who they are.
The cycle repeats not because people do not care, but because unconscious patterns are running the show.
Why We Don’t Notice Them
Because these patterns are familiar, they feel normal.
We say things like:
“This is just how I am.”
“Why do I always end up in the same situation?”
“If only the other person would change.”
But often, it is not the other person. It is an old story, playing itself out again and again , until we learn to see it.
It is like watching the same movie on repeat, but not realising you are holding the remote.
Seeing the Unseen With the Couple Puzzle Method™
This is the heart of my work.
The Couple Puzzle Method™ is designed to help people uncover the unseen pieces shaping their relationships. Together, we explore:
The blueprint you created early in life, often without knowing it.
The way this blueprint drives your reactions, choices, and expectations.
How projection and old patterns create conflict that feels bigger than the present moment.
Practical ways to shift these patterns so you can respond, not just react.
When unconscious patterns become visible, something powerful happens. We stop blaming ourselves or others and begin to understand the bigger picture. From there, new ways of connecting become possible.
🧩Breaking the Cycle
If you keep finding yourself in familiar conflicts , in love, in family, or at work , know that it is not a sign of failure. It may be a sign of an unseen pattern asking to be recognised.
Once you see it, you can change it.
The patterns we don’t see are often the ones with the most power. But they do not have to define your relationships forever.
This is the work I do with clients: helping them uncover the patterns beneath the surface, so they can finally build the relationships they long for.
👉 If this resonates with you, follow me here on LinkedIn for more reflections on the Couple Puzzle Method™. Or reach out directly if you feel ready to explore the patterns shaping your own relationships.
