http://www.heatherdarwallsmith.com/

Heather Darwall-Smith Psychotherapist, 85 Wimpole Street, London (2025)

22/11/2025

Waking between 3–5am can feel frustrating, but it’s also completely normal.
 Your body naturally has a rise in cortisol around this time, and when stress is already high, that little lift can nudge you into wakefulness.

The trouble starts when we try to force ourselves back to sleep.
 The harder you push, the more alert your brain becomes – like it’s suddenly decided to host a late-night meeting about everything you’ve ever said or done.

Instead of battling with the bed, change your state: get up, do something gently relaxing, and return when sleepiness comes back.

You’re showing your brain that wakefulness at night isn’t a threat.

And remember: your body has recovery sleep built in. One difficult night doesn’t undo everything.
 Be kind to yourself, keep your wake-up time steady, and look after your waking day – sleep will settle when you reduce the pressure.

21/11/2025

I know its easy to think your brain is broken when you are awake at 3am, its not – it’s just incredibly enthusiastic at completely the wrong times.

Attention training isn’t about perfect focus or silencing your mind (good luck with that).
 It’s about gently guiding your attention back, again and again, until your brain realises it doesn’t need to leap into full analysis mode every night.

Think of it as physio for sleep: small, steady repetitions that slowly retrain the system.

20/11/2025

I tend to post content about sleep here but what you might not realise are how many issues feed into sleep. But in my work as a psychotherapist, I don’t only see people with sleep issues. There are endless reasons why you might come into therapy which is why I have set up a Substack to explore some of these at greater depth.

Pop over for my latest: https://open.substack.com/pub/heatherdarwallsmith/p/its-just-sex?r=4kwjqy&utm_medium=ios
and give me a follow for more deep dives into areas that you might have thought about and not realise that you are not alone.
Also really happy to respond to questions and thoughts you may have that can be shared.

20/11/2025

The language we use about sleep matters more than we realise as your brain is listening. 
If we speak to ourselves in the language of danger – “I must fix this”, “everything will spiral”, “my body is failing” - the brain listens. And if it thinks there’s a threat, it’s going to keep you awake to protect you. You are quite literally talking yourself into insomnia.

I often say that’s an awesome thing but when it comes to sleep it’s a pain.

The good news? You can gently retrain your system by shifting the script. Not with forced positivity (because your Brian has to believe you), but with steadier, more compassionate language that helps your nervous system settle rather than brace.

Small changes in the words you use can create big shifts in how your brain responds at night. 
🧠✨ 

04/11/2025

New Substack posted exploring the lived experience of sleeping with someone who snores and the loneliness of when they won’t address it: https://heatherdarwallsmith.substack.com/p/the-sound-of-denial

14/10/2025

Balancing natural change with anxiety
Change – even small, predictable change – is something the human nervous system notices. Light levels, timing cues, and social rhythms all act as signals to our body clock. So when the clocks change or our routine shifts, it’s normal to feel a little off for a few days. That’s biology doing its job.

The difficulty comes when this natural adjustment is interpreted by the mind as danger – when the mild disruption triggers anxious thoughts like “I’ll never sleep again” or “This will throw everything off.” In that moment, the anxiety response (not the change itself) becomes the thing that keeps the body alert.

What helps: • Remind yourself you don’t have to make sleep happen; you can allow rest. • Keep to steady getting-up and wind-down times. • If you’re awake, rest or read quietly instead of forcing sleep. • Practise calming the body with slow breathing, gentle stretching or mindfulness. • If the worry feels constant or linked to deeper stress, therapy can help you address the anxiety itself.

This isn’t something to fear; it’s simply part of being human. We are not machines, and it can take a few days to adjust. Be gentle with yourself and patient with others. A little mindful awareness and kindness help everyone find their rhythm again.

It’s normal to feel a bit off when routines shift. But if small changes cause big anxiety, it may not be the event that needs attention – it’s the fear underneath. It’s something that comes up alot in my work with clients. Therapy helps make that fear less powerful, so change feels safer.

08/10/2025

I have ‘mixed’ feelings about the trending phrase “grandma hobbies.”
 Many of the grandmothers I know aren’t quietly knitting by the fire – they’re running small businesses, selling their crafts or bakes online, often not just for pleasure but to supplement their income. The role of the grandmother has changed – she’s productive, creative and often holding multiple generations together.

But the ethos behind these hobbies still matters.
 Making things by hand. Tending to something small.
 These are acts of presence – an antidote to speed, screens and surface-level connection.

And perhaps that’s why they’re resonating now. Because beneath the hashtags, this isn’t just about craft or nostalgia. It’s about a collective longing to slow down, to make meaning in a world that’s become relentlessly digital and fast.

When we do these things – when our hands move and our minds settle – we remember what it feels like to be steady.
 That calm seeps into our bodies, softens stress, and gently prepares us for rest.
Maybe “grandma hobbies” is the wrong name.
 But the impulse behind it – to create, care and reconnect – feels like something our society is quietly craving.

07/10/2025

October sits in the liminal space between the September reset and the December rush. It’s the in-between place – neither here nor there – and that can unsettle both our sense of time and our sense of self.

If you live with ADHD, this time distortion can feel even stronger. Deadlines feel distant until suddenly they’re breathing down your neck. Routines that felt solid in September begin to slip. You might stay up later, lose track of mornings, or find it harder to focus as the light changes.

But there’s something quietly powerful about this month too. October gives us a pause – a hinge in the year where we can re-anchor before winter really arrives. This is the time to stabilise your rhythms: protect daylight, anchor your wake time, and treat sleep as a foundation, not an afterthought.

As the mornings get darker in the UK, it’s worth thinking about investing in a daylight light box. These mimic natural morning light, helping your body clock stay aligned when sunrise drifts later each week. Aim to use it within an hour of waking, for about 20–30 minutes while you eat breakfast, read, or check emails. You don’t have to stare directly into it – just have it nearby, angled towards your face.

Why it helps: bright light in the morning tells your brain it’s time to be alert, boosts mood-regulating serotonin, and suppresses melatonin – the hormone that makes you feel sleepy. Over time, this can lift energy, sharpen attention and ease that foggy, “stuck in-between” feeling that October often brings.

So this month, instead of rushing through, see if you can notice where you are.

Build light into your mornings, protect rest in your evenings, and allow your body to catch up with the turning year.

The middle mile isn’t glamorous, but it’s where steadiness grows.

 

06/10/2025

Airports suspend us between places – neither here nor there, just waiting, drifting, untethered.
 They’re full of sleep-deprived people running on caffeine and adrenaline, caught in artificial light and borrowed time.
 It’s a strange kind of limbo – fascinating to watch, but hardly a place to live.
Maybe the appeal of airport theory isn’t about airports at all.
 Maybe it’s about wanting permission to pause – without needing a boarding pass to do it.

And perhaps that’s why it hasn’t quite taken off here in the UK – our strict check-ins, queues and security lines hardly lend themselves to romantic notions of drifting through life.

What do you think? Could airport theory ever feel at home here?

 

06/10/2025

I took the dogs out last night before bed and noticed the full moon – bright, beautiful, huge in the night sky. I remember thinking, I wonder if that’ll mess with my sleep?

And here I am, wide awake since 3am. Did I think myself awake? Its possible.

The irony isn’t lost on me - a sleep psychotherapist awake in the middle of the night, posting about, well, sleep.

But I’m not worried about it. My sleep’s just gone off the boil tonight. It happens.
 Tomorrow I’ll be a bit ropey, but tomorrow night my body will catch up - that’s how recovery sleep works.

People have blamed the full moon for all sorts over the years – madness, mischief, sleeplessness. Some studies say it might make us sleep a bit less, others say it’s nonsense. I rather like that uncertainty. It reminds me we’re part of something bigger, something we don’t fully control.

So for now, I’m just sitting with it. The moon will wane, and so will my wakefulness.

05/10/2025

Struggling to fall asleep when you need it most can feel exhausting and unfair. You’re not weak, broken, or doing anything “wrong” – your brain is simply trying (a little too hard) to protect you.

This can create a cycle where bed = stress instead of rest. It’s frustrating, and it’s completely understandable.

The good news? With small, consistent steps, you can retrain your mind and body to feel safe with sleep again. It’s not about forcing it – it’s about creating the right conditions and letting sleep return in its own time.

Be gentle with yourself. One difficult night doesn’t erase all the times you have slept. Your body remembers how – and it will again.

05/10/2025

I always feel a bit funny calling myself an expert (hello, imposter syndrome), but sleep and ADHD is a subject I’m deeply passionate about and forms a massive part of my psychotherapy practice.

I was working in the space before I received my own diagnosis - my clients are also my teachers and over time the penny dropped and there it was.

So I am so grateful (and more than a little nervous!) to the team for inviting me to speak about sleep and ADHD at this amazing event, alongside incredible professionals covering everything from hormones and emotions to self-compassion and relationships.

If ADHD is part of your story – or someone you love’s – this is going to be a truly special space to learn, connect and feel seen.

If you are going either in person or online and there is anything you would like me to address, message me and I will be sure to include it.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-adhd-women-summit-london-tickets-1461619486229

Heather Darwall-Smith Psychotherapist

22/11/2025

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