Benjamin Fry

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Benjamin Fry

Benjamin Fry is a psychotherapist, author, and founder of Khiron Clinics. He wrote The Invisible Lion and founded Televagal, a tech platform for therapists.

He specialises in trauma and relationships, combining lived experience and clinical training.

29/12/2025

Why did I set up a trauma clinic?

At the time, a lot of people thought I was mad.
It felt risky, unconventional, and far from guaranteed.

But I had a strong sense that this kind of work was needed.
So I followed my gut and built something based on what I knew truly helps people heal.

I wanted to offer others what I had been given.
Care that goes deep, treats the root, and takes trauma seriously.

I’m deeply thankful I trusted that instinct.
Because I’ve seen how many lives this clinic has improved, and in some cases, saved.

25/12/2025

Christmas often invites connection with loved ones, but it can also stir old patterns, expectations, and emotional strain. If this season feels tender, remember that your nervous system is simply responding to what it’s learned, with the tools it had at the time to stay safe.

Offer yourself care, rest, and the space to feel the depth of what's going on for you. Check in with emotions and physical sensations, taking time to track body tension, notice thought patterns, and take space when it’s needed. From a more grounded place, a genuine connection becomes possible. Wishing you a Christmas marked not by pressure and expectation, but by presence, warmth, and the quiet safety of being yourself.

23/12/2025

We don’t cling to our defences out of stubbornness. We keep them because, once upon a time, they were the only structures holding us together. These patterns, such as withdrawal, vigilance, perfectionism, and shutting down, were shaped by moments when safety and consistency wasn’t guaranteed, so the body adapted with remarkable intelligence. But what once protected us can quietly become the walls we live behind.

Healing isn’t about tearing those walls down. It’s about helping the nervous system recognise that the landscape has changed. With patience and support, the body learns it can soften, breathe, and trust again, because protection is no longer the only way to survive.

22/12/2025

Stop expecting your partner to fix you.

One of the biggest traps in relationships is hoping the other person will heal our wounds for us.
That is too much weight for any relationship to carry.

When you can name your trauma, your patterns, your baggage, and bring it honestly into the relationship, something shifts.
Not “fix me,” but “walk with me.”

Your partner is not your therapist.
They can be your friend, your ally, your collaborator.

That’s how relationships stop feeling like a battle and start feeling like a team.

19/12/2025

I’ve wanted to collaborate with PTSD UK for a long time.

I genuinely believe in the work they do, supporting people living with PTSD and C-PTSD, and helping to make conversations about trauma more honest and accessible.

I’m really looking forward to this live webinar where we’ll be exploring why relationships can feel so hard after trauma, how the nervous system shapes love and conflict, and what actually helps create more safety and connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of overreacting, shutting down, or feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” in relationships, this session is for you.

🗓 Thursday 5 February
🕢 7.30–9.00pm
📍 Online via Zoom

You can sign up via PTSD UK. I’d love to see you there.

18/12/2025

In intimate relationships, the past often enters the present because closeness activates the deepest layers of the nervous system shaped by early experiences of safety and threat. What looks like disproportionate reactions, such as a missed message feeling like betrayal or a raised voice triggering fear, is not about the partner, but history showing up through the body. Trauma is not only a story; it is embodied survival intelligence.

Healing in relationships requires nervous system regulation, not just communication skills. When partners learn to notice old reactions and co regulate with awareness and compassion, familiar survival patterns can gradually become opportunities for repair and connection.

Read more in my latest blog, here: https://bit.ly/4pExUKg

17/12/2025

One piece of advice for a happier relationship.

Be clear about the context you’re in together.
What are you committing to, and are you both aligned?

It’s not about having the “right” kind of relationship.
It’s about clarity, communication, and commitment that does not change with the weather.

Life will bring pressure, disagreement, and difference.
Something needs to stay steady.

16/12/2025

Feelings aren’t problems to solve or enemies to outthink; they’re signals from within asking to be acknowledged. When we meet our emotions with resistance, our defences strengthen. When we meet feelings with compassion, defences seem less powerful, softening and lowering.

Even the hardest feelings, such as fear, grief, shame, or anger, are parts of us longing to be seen, soothed, and included. Healing begins not by pushing them away but by offering them the gentle presence they may have never fully received.

11/12/2025

Something magical happens to our nervous system’s regulation when we learn strategies to manage our reactions. One way to understand this is through boundaries and containment.

Both are about what is left unfinished in our nervous system and how that baggage gets triggered. You can imagine this as a red squiggle representing our baggage, a green arrow as the incoming stimulus, and a red arrow as our reaction. Boundaries sit like a buffer between the green arrow and the squiggle, lessening the force of the trigger. Containment works in the opposite direction, reducing how much of the red arrow gets sprayed onto other people after we’ve been triggered. Together, they begin to lessen the effects of our baggage, locating it back where it belongs: with the unfinished business in the nervous system.

When both are in place, we’re less likely to be intensely triggered, our reactions become smaller, and those reactions are easier to contain. Over time, boundaries and containment link up, creating a circle of space in which we begin to experience ourselves differently.

11/12/2025

I am very pleased to be joining the Psychiatry Congress 2026 in Dubai this coming April. It is always invaluable to be in conversation with colleagues from around the world who are committed to improving the future of mental health and the treatment of trauma.

The theme this year explores how neuroscience, psychology and psychiatry can come together in a more integrated way. This approach is central to our work at Khiron Clinics, where we support clients whose trauma has not responded to traditional methods. Bringing these disciplines into one coherent framework has shaped our clinical model and continues to guide how we help people move toward lasting recovery.

If you would like to attend the conference, either in person or virtually, registration is now open.

Reserve your place here: https://bit.ly/4oMelOU

09/12/2025

Safety isn’t something that you can convince yourself of through cognitive force alone. The mind holds great power, and our perception of whether a person, place or experience is safe is influenced by thoughts and memories. However the brain doesn’t control the full story. The body holds a lifetime of memories; felt experiences of overwhelming danger and threat that remain held in our body through muscle tension, heightened stress hormones, and patterns of bracing for survival.

Until the body feels safe, the mind can only do so much. Real healing begins when we learn to listen to these deeper physiological signals and guide the nervous system back toward regulation, connection, and grounded presence.

If you want to understand this deeply embodied experience of fear and how to move beyond it, The Invisible Lion offers a 28-day guide to reclaiming safety from the inside out.

https://bit.ly/4gf3fPY

08/12/2025

Trauma does not block you from a healthy relationship. It simply brings patterns that need attention. When you understand your reactions and share openly with your partner, you can change the cycle and turn the relationship into a space for growth.

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W1G9

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https://benjaminfry.co.uk/links

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