Quad Health Club & Spa - Docklands

17/11/2025

🏊‍♂️ The Quad Club Docklands Pool Poem of Perpetual Prohibition 🏊‍♀️

Welcome, dear swimmer, please come right on in—
But before you dip toes, let the rule-fest begin!

No running! No jumping! No diving! No fun!
(No, wait—that last one’s implied by the first three we've done.)
No glass and no pets, no food and no drink,
No smoking, no cameras—don’t even think!

Please shower beforehand, get squeaky and clean,
Be the freshest fish this pool’s ever seen.
Wear proper swim costumes, the “conventional” kind—
Nothing too wild, too loose, or ill-designed.

Our pool is rectangular, petite but quite keen:
Six meters by fourteen—an aquatic sardine.
Its depth? One-point-two metres of safety-first glory,
Perfect for wading, floating, and pondering life’s story.

So, step in politely, don’t cause a commotion,
And glide through the water in slow, approved motion.
For here at Quad Club, we follow each rule—
And that’s how we keep a very calm pool.

10/11/2025

🧦 Ode to Odd Socks Day at Quad! 🧦

At Quad Leisure Club down Docklands way,
The spa was buzzing this Odd Socks Day!
Trainers mismatched, and colours ablaze,
A rainbow of toes turned the treadmills to craze.

One sock had stripes, the other had spots,
The zumba crew laughed — they’d swapped on the squats!
Aqua-fit swimmers in pink and lime green,
Made waves so bright, the pool looked like a dream.

Even the treadmills got in the mood,
Whirring in rhythm to a sock-clad groove.
Massage room calm? Well… not for today,
Someone wore glitter socks — hooray!

So here’s to our members, delightfully quirky,
From yoga to spin — not one pair was murky.
At Quad Leisure Docklands, we proudly proclaim:
Odd Socks forever — normal’s too tame!

05/11/2025

🧘‍♀️ National Stress Awareness Day at Quad Leisure & Spa Club Docklands 🧖‍♂️

It’s Stress Awareness Day, hooray—
The calmest kind of chaos day!
At Quad Spa Docklands, peace will reign,
(Once Barry stops complaining again.)

The yoga mats are laid in rows,
The candles lit—oh, how that glows!
Someone whispers, “Breathe in, breathe out,”
While Karen’s phone begins to shout.

The pool is calm, the sauna steams,
We’re chasing mindfulness and dreams.
But Derek slipped—oh mercy me!—
Right into someone’s herbal tea.

The massage room smells sweet and grand,
With oils imported, hand by hand.
Yet mid-relax, a voice declares,
“Who parked their car in both the squares?!”

At lunchtime comes the healthy spread—
Some quinoa, tofu, leafy bread.
Yet half the group sneaks off instead,
For chips and crisps next door instead.

Still, stress departs (well, most of it),
Our laughter’s truly benefit.
For here at Quad, we’ve found the key:
A spa, good friends, and bad Tai Chi.

So raise your teas, unwind, rejoice—
Let’s soothe our minds, and lose the noise!
For Docklands folks both near and far,
You’re stress-free now—well… almost are. 😌

04/11/2025

🏊‍♂️ “The Legend of Pool Responder Training” 🛟
(at Quad Leisure & Spa Docklands — featuring Neil, the unsinkable)

Down at Quad Leisure, by Docklands’ fine side,
We gathered in lycra with no place to hide.
Neil stood before us — clipboard in hand,
Declaring, “Right team, let’s see where you stand!”

First came the “Dry Side” — oh joy, oh delight,
CPR mannequins staring all night.
We pumped and we puffed, till our arms felt like bricks,
While Neil just grinned — “You’ve got ten more compressions to fix!”

Then came the “Wet Side” — the pool looked so calm,
'Til Neil blew his whistle (alarm after alarm!).
“In you go, heroes!” — we splashed and we swore,
Performing rescues that soaked us to the core.

Someone lost goggles, someone lost pride,
Someone swam backwards — Neil nearly cried!
“Remember your ratios! Keep up the pace!”
As we gasped like goldfish all over the place.

From spinal board drills to dramatic saves,
We looked like Baywatch... if Baywatch misbehaves.
But through all the laughter and soggy despair,
We learned how to rescue with style (and wet hair).

So here’s to the training — the sweat and the cheers,
To Neil, our instructor, with infinite patience (and ears).
May every poolside forever remain,
Safe — and slightly ridiculous — thanks to Neil’s campaign!

31/10/2025

🎃 “The Haunted Spa of Royal Bliss” 👻

At Crowne Plaza Docklands, on All Hallows’ Eve,
The Royal Bliss Spa had a trick up its sleeve.
The candles were flickering, ghosts filled the air,
But staff smiled calmly — “Just breathe, if you dare!”

The massage beds creaked with a spectral “boo,”
While a phantom in flip-flops said, “Room for two?”
A witch in a robe sipped cucumber tea,
And moaned, “Best facial in centuries — and free!”

The steam room was swirling with mystical fog,
Where Dracula detoxed (and scared the poor dog).
A mummy unwrapped just to soak in the tub,
Then asked for exfoliant — “I need a good scrub!”

The pumpkins wore masks, the towels were possessed,
A skeleton hummed while the guests were undressed.
Yet somehow, despite all the shrieks and the screams,
The spa still delivered those blissful daydreams.

So if on Halloween you seek peaceful delight,
And don’t mind a banshee to sing through the night,
Just head to the Docklands — relax if you can —
At Royal Bliss Spa… where the undead get a tan! 💅🧛‍♀️

Happy Halloween from Royal Bliss Spa Team!

31/10/2025

🎃Halloween at The Quad Health and Fitness Club🎃

It’s Halloween night at The Quad Leisure Club,
Where ghouls get gains and ghosts love the tub.👻
The treadmills creak with a spectral moan,
While zombies stretch with a chilling groan.🧟‍♂️

The dumbbells clank — but no one’s there,
Just a phantom doing curls in the eerie air.
The pool’s gone green, the jacuzzi’s a stew,
With witches relaxing — as witches do.🧙‍♀️

In the sauna sits Frankenstein’s mate,
Sweating out sins at a hellish rate.
Vampires queue for the protein bar,🧛🧛‍♀️🧛‍♂️
Ordering “O-neg smoothies” — bizarre!

The spin class starts, the lights go dim,
Skeletons pedalling, limbs all slim.💀
The instructor yells, “Give me more speed!”
But half the class just lost their knees.

A mummy’s unwrapped on the yoga mat,
Trying “downward dog” — but it’s more like “flat.”
The ghosts applaud with an echoing cheer,
Because cardio’s scary this time of year.☠️

So if you visit The Quad one night,
And see strange shapes by the pale moonlight —
Don’t scream, don’t run, don’t make a fuss,
It’s just the monsters… getting fitter than us.😈👹

Happy Halloween from Quad Club Docklands Team!

27/10/2025

🎃Pumpkin Pandemonium at the Docklands 🎃

At the Crowne Plaza Docklands, what a marvellous sight,
Pumpkins in the lobby, glowing orange and bright.
The concierge wore a gourd on his head with flair,
While guests snapped selfies, pretending not to stare.

The bartender crafted cocktails—Pumpkin Spice Royale,
With cinnamon rims and stories tall.
Someone ordered soup, but oh what a blunder,
It came in a pumpkin! (The spoon sank under.)

The manager beamed, “It’s National Pumpkin Day!”
As pumpkins invaded in every way.
From spa to lift, from room to bar,
Even the Wi-Fi password was pumpkinstar.

Housekeeping giggled, pushing carts of delight,
Stacked with mini pumpkins—what a sight!
A guest in the gym tried pumpkin squats,
Then promptly decided, “Nope. Too many shots.”

By sunset, the Docklands shimmered gold,
With pumpkins aplenty—both young and old.
And as everyone toasted with spiced champagne,
They vowed next year they'd do it again.

Because only at Crowne Plaza, down by the quay,
Could pumpkins throw such a posh jamboree! 🎃✨

26/10/2025

🎃 "The Spooky Swim at Docklands Pool" 🦆

At Crowne Plaza Docklands, late Halloween night,
The pool was a-bubbling — a most curious sight!
Floats drifted like ghosts, all eerie and round,
While spooky pool noodles slithered and wound.

The “Love To Swim” crew came dressed to impress,
With witches in goggles and vampires in vests.
Some wore arm bands shaped like bats on the wing,
And rubber ducks quacked out “Trick-or-swim!”

A spider on lane rope spun threads of pure goo,
While zombies did backstroke — as zombies will do.
The lifeguard just sighed, “Keep your webs off the wall!
And no more green slime in the deep end at all!”

Then out from the floats rose a ghastly surprise —
A giant duck monster with glowing red eyes!
It quacked and it splashed, causing chaos and dread…
'Til a noodle knight bopped it right on the head.

So remember, dear swimmers, on Halloween’s eve,
When at Quad Club Docklands you plan to take leave,
Bring your goggles, your laughter, and courage that’s grand —
And don’t let the spiders steal your armband!

💦🎃🦆👻Happy Halloween from Love To Swim!
PS: Jose did an amazing job decorating the wall!!!

26/10/2025

🗣️ComicCon at the Quad Leisure & Spa Club
At the Quad Leisure Club, what a sight to see,
ComicCon rolled in — pure geek jubilee!
Stormtroopers queuing by the smoothie bar,
Batman arguing whose car’s faster by far.

The pool was full of mermaids in wigs,
Deadpool cannonballed — “Hydration’s big!”
Iron Man strutted by the steam room door,
His armor fogged up — now he can’t see the floor.

The yoga class turned into a Marvel scene,
Hulk tried a stretch — split his yoga jeans.
Spider-Man hung from the pull-up rack,
While Gandalf yelled, “You shall not crack!”

The sauna steamed with Jedi and Sith,
Sweating it out, mending their rift.
Yoda gave wisdom in cucumber tones:
"Relax, you must. Loosen your bones."

When the day was done, what a geeky parade,
Heroes exhausted, their makeup decayed.
But they all agreed, as they clinked their cups —
“The Quad’s the spot where nerd life buffs up!”

16/10/2025

How about giving this one a go next time you're in?

Need help? Please do ask a member of the team for assistance

26/09/2025