Barbara Robb Family Mediation

Barbara Robb Family Mediation Family Mediation service
Family Mediation Council
Accredited Family Mediator. MIAM
Child

30/03/2025

Happy Mothers day to all mothers, whether they are close, or in our memories, to all those who provide love and care to children.

Like so many named days, it can be a hard day for separated parents and children, parenting can be difficult as well as joyful and rewarding, have an enjoyable one whatever you are doing

28/03/2025

Barbara Robb Family Mediation is changing our name, we are now My Family Mediation. www.myfamilymediation.co.uk

I was fortunate to take over the service in March 2021, Barbara was an excellant mediator and much admired solicitor. The service has continued to expand and adapt to meet the needs of clients, by offering mediation increasingly out of core office hours, in the evenings and weekends.
We continue to deliver a bespoke mediation service both face to face and online and provide mediation countywide and nationwide.

I was fortunate to be joined by Emma Cooper in 2024. Emma left legal practice after 20 years and is an excellant family mediator working towards accreditation. Emma brings great value to the practice and it was time to change our name.

Our new website is now live and Emma and I look forward to taking the service forward.

Thank you to all who have supported the service to date, to the legal community for referring clients and working alongside us, to the excellent organisations, charities and agencies who continue to support parents and children, and to the clients we have worked with who have tirelessly sought to make their own decisions in resolving dispute.
Family Mediation Services – Norfolk & Suffolk
myfamilymediation.co.uk

20/03/2025

New Guidance from the Family Justice Council on Alienating Behaviour, Previously Referred to as Parental Alienation

In December 2024, the Family Justice Council released new guidance on responding to a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance, or refusal (RRR) to spend time with a parent and allegations of alienating behaviour. While RRR has many potential causes, it has often been associated with Parental Alienation or, as the new guidelines describe it, Alienating Behaviour.

The guidance comes from one of the largest consultations in the history of the Family Justice Council, with 96 different responses. In the foreword of the thirty-page document, Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division and Chair of the Family Justice Council, speaks to the reasoning behind the new language:

Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division and Chair of the Family Justice Council said..

I approved this workstream for the Family Justice Council knowing how divisive this topic has become. In my view this guidance is required to ensure greater consistency of approach across the courts and to improve outcomes for children and families and to protect children and victims from litigation abuse.

The guidance comes from one of the largest consultations in the history of the Family Justice Council, with 96 different responses. In the foreword of the thirty-page document, Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division and Chair of the Family Justice Council, speaks to the reasoning behind the new language:

I approved this workstream for the Family Justice Council knowing how divisive this topic has become. In my view this guidance is required to ensure greater consistency of approach across the courts and to improve outcomes for children and families and to protect children and victims from litigation abuse.

Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division and Chair of the Family Justice Council

What is Parental Alienation?
There is no statutory definition of Parental Alienation and it is now an outdated term due to its association with the pseudo-scientific term ‘parental alienation syndrome’. This syndrome is considered by the Family Justice Council to be a harmful term that can be exploited within family litigation. The term was created by Richard Gardner in 1985 and was based on his clinical observations and not scientific data. It is also not recognised by the World Health Organisation and therefore is not an accurate term.

What is Reluctance, Resistance, or Refusal?
Reluctance, Resistance, or Refusal (RRR) is a term referring to behaviours relating to the reluctance, resistance, or refusal o a child in their relationship with or spending time with a parent. Reluctance, Resistance or Refusal has various causes, one of which may be alienating behaviours, however, alienating behaviour is not the only cause. Alignment and attachment issues can result in RRR without any Alienating Behaviours being perpetrated by an adult.

Examples could include a child refusing face-to-face contact, a child refusing to engage with phone calls, a child asking a parent not to attend their extracurricular or academic events, or a child being unable to express positive feelings toward a parent.

An explanation of the Definitions & Language discussed within the new Guidance
The guidance goes on to define the following terms that are discussed over the course of the document:

What is Attachment, Affinity and Alignment (‘AAA’)? – Attachment, affinity and alignment are reasons why children may favour one parent over another, or reject a parent, which are typical emotional responses to parenting experiences and not the result of psychological manipulation by a parent.
What is Appropriate Justified Rejection (‘AJR’)? – Appropriate justified rejection is a situation where a child’s rejection of a parent is an understandable response to that parent’s behaviour towards the child and/or the other parent.
What are Alienating Behaviours (‘AB’)? – Alienating behaviours are psychologically manipulative behaviours, intended or otherwise, by a parent towards a child which have resulted in the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with the other parent
What are Protective Behaviours (‘PB’)? – Protective behaviours are behaviours by a parent towards a child in order to protect the child from exposure to abuse by the other parent, or from suffering harm (or greater harm) as a consequence of the other parent’s abuse.
What is Reluctance, Resistance or Refusal (‘RRR’)? – Reluctance, resistance or refusal are behaviours by a child concerning their relationship with, or spending time with, a parent, which may have a variety of potential causes.
The change in language looks to aid the courts in deciding the welfare of the child by shifting the focus to the impact on the child, rather than the behaviour of the parents. Additionally, the guidance looks to, ‘inform the courts and professionals in the wider family justice system as to how allegations of Alienating Behaviours should be considered and responded to; recognising that they are allegations that can arise at different points in the litigation journey and are likely to be made alongside allegations of other harmful behaviour, including domestic abuse or other forms of child abuse.’

Why is Parental Alienation now called Alienating Behaviour?
The move away from the previously used language of ‘parental alienation’ comes in part because of the reference that is still made to the now-discredited ‘parental alienation syndrome.’ This syndrome is considered by the Family Justice Council to be a harmful pseudo-science that can be exploited within family litigation.

the child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to engage in, a relationship with a parent or carer; and

the reluctance, resistance or refusal is not consequent on the actions of that parent towards the child or the other parent, which may therefore be an appropriate justified rejection by the child (AJR), or is not caused by any other factor such as the child’s alignment, affinity or attachment (AAA); and

the other parent has engaged in behaviours that have directly or indirectly impacted on the child, leading to the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to engage in a relationship with that parent.
All three elements must be satisfied for a court to conclude that Alienating Behaviours have indeed occurred.

The guidelines also look to make clear that alignment and attachment issues can result in RRR without any Alienating Behaviours being perpetrated by an adult, and that a lack of clear explanation for a child’s RRR does not confirm exposure to Alienating Behaviours.

Alienating Behaviour & Domestic Abuse
The new guidelines address Alienating Behaviour in the context of domestic abuse. They acknowledge that allegations of ‘parental alienation’ are often brought in cases of domestic abuse, and that there are concerns of these allegations being used as a ‘form of post-separation control/abuse, and as a litigation tactic to silence survivors of domestic abuse (both parents and children)’. The guidelines also make clear that domestic abuse and Alienating Behaviour should not be automatically considered equal. Domestic abuse is a crime with recognised harm and, as such, Alienating Behaviours will not be found in cases where findings of domestic abuse are made which have resulted in a child’s appropriate justified rejection (AJR), or in protective behaviours (PB) or a traumatic response on the part of the victim parent.

Conclusion
The new guidance stresses three major points: that the welfare of the child or children should be paramount, that there are numerous causes of RRR and therefore the presence of RRR should therefore not automatically mean the presence of Alienating Behaviour, and that the term ‘Parental Alienation ‘should no longer be used due to its common use in reference to disproven pseudo-scientific terminology.

Published today by Nuffield Family Justice ObservatoryFebruary 26, 2025The President of the Family Division has today pu...
26/02/2025

Published today by Nuffield Family Justice Observatory

February 26, 2025
The President of the Family Division has today published a toolkit for family judges to support them in writing to the children.

As the toolkit sets out, judges writing to children is a key means by which judges can ensure children feel heard and are supported to understand what the family court has decided in relation to their family and why.

The toolkit gathers evidence and good practice and is a helpful reference point for judges when they are trying to decide if and how to write to the child or children involved in their cases.

The toolkit is the product of a collaboration between the judiciary, children and young people and other professionals who work in and around the family justice system. The Nuffield Family Justice Observatory supported its development, sharing findings from research on children’s experiences of family court proceedings.

Research has shown that children having some form of participation in proceedings that relate to them is important for their wellbeing. This includes having a clear understanding of the decisions that have been made and why.

Legislation and guidance acknowledge a child’s right to participate in decisions being made about them and the importance of considering their wishes and feelings within decision making. Yet what we see in practice can be quite different. Our report ‘Uncovering private family law: How often do we hear the voice of the child?’ revealed that almost half the time, children in private law proceedings have no opportunity to be heard. Young people with experiences of care proceedings involved in our Care Files research also spoke about feeling like they weren’t actively involved in decision making in a meaningful way.

“Like you are just like a case, and you are one of a thousand. You’re a number on a piece of paper and your feelings aren’t really taken into account.” Young person, 16 – The Care Files, Rehill et al 2022
Judges writing to children is one important way of supporting children’s participation in proceedings. It allows children to hear directly from the person who made life changing decisions about them and their family. Letters of this type can help ensure children know that the judge was thinking about them and understand how their views, thoughts and feelings were taken into account.

A member of the Family Justice Young People’s Board, who helped to create the toolkit, explained why a judges’ letter would have been meaningful and important for them: “It would be so helpful to have a concrete, factual version of what happened, not warped by time or other people’s opinions.”

Jude Eyre, Associate Director for Practice and Strategy at Nuffield Family Justice Observatory says:

“Children’s rights to have a voice and participate in proceedings are enshrined in law. But we know that their experiences often don’t match up to what they want or need or are entitled to. This toolkit represents an important step forward – an active response to what children have said needs to change.”

February 26, 2025
The President of the Family Division has today published a toolkit for family judges to support them in writing to the children.

As the toolkit sets out, judges writing to children is a key means by which judges can ensure children feel heard and are supported to understand what the family court has decided in relation to their family and why.

The toolkit gathers evidence and good practice and is a helpful reference point for judges when they are trying to decide if and how to write to the child or children involved in their cases.

The toolkit is the product of a collaboration between the judiciary, children and young people and other professionals who work in and around the family justice system. The Nuffield Family Justice Observatory supported its development, sharing findings from research on children’s experiences of family court proceedings.

Research has shown that children having some form of participation in proceedings that relate to them is important for their wellbeing. This includes having a clear understanding of the decisions that have been made and why.

Legislation and guidance acknowledge a child’s right to participate in decisions being made about them and the importance of considering their wishes and feelings within decision making. Yet what we see in practice can be quite different. Our report ‘Uncovering private family law: How often do we hear the voice of the child?’ revealed that almost half the time, children in private law proceedings have no opportunity to be heard. Young people with experiences of care proceedings involved in our Care Files research also spoke about feeling like they weren’t actively involved in decision making in a meaningful way.

“Like you are just like a case, and you are one of a thousand. You’re a number on a piece of paper and your feelings aren’t really taken into account.” Young person, 16 – The Care Files, Rehill et al 2022
Judges writing to children is one important way of supporting children’s participation in proceedings. It allows children to hear directly from the person who made life changing decisions about them and their family. Letters of this type can help ensure children know that the judge was thinking about them and understand how their views, thoughts and feelings were taken into account.

A member of the Family Justice Young People’s Board, who helped to create the toolkit, explained why a judges’ letter would have been meaningful and important for them: “It would be so helpful to have a concrete, factual version of what happened, not warped by time or other people’s opinions.”

Jude Eyre, Associate Director for Practice and Strategy at Nuffield Family Justice Observatory says:

“Children’s rights to have a voice and participate in proceedings are enshrined in law. But we know that their experiences often don’t match up to what they want or need or are entitled to. This toolkit represents an important step forward – an active response to what children have said needs to change.”
https://www.judiciary.uk/guidance-and-resources/president-of-the-family-division-publishes-guidance-on-writing-to-children-developed-with-the-family-justice-young-peoples-board/

As a Child Inclusive mediator, I understand how important it is to hear and respect the voices of children and young people, when parents have decided to resolve matters between themselves, rather than going to court. Call me if you would like to discuss this further, Debbie Wahle 01502 575252- leave a message and number and I will call back.
If you are looking to resolve matters in mediation, speak to us about how your child's voice is heard.

Find out more about when, how and why to write to children in family court proceedings

Advicenow's guides are helpful and this is such an example, clear and straightforward- Pensions on divorce
13/02/2025

Advicenow's guides are helpful and this is such an example, clear and straightforward- Pensions on divorce

Many couples leave their pensions out when they decide how to divide their money and property as part of a divorce – and this can be a huge mistake. Sometimes people feel that because the pension is only in the name of the person who built it up, to share it would be ‘unfair’. But it is more o...

05/02/2025

Update on the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme.

The Ministry of Justice has confirmed the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme will continue for at least another year, until March 2026. This is really positive news for separated parents with children under 18 years old.

The scheme is non mean tested and provides up to £500 towards your joint costs of mediation. The scheme does not cover the initial MIAM meeting- mediation Information and assessment meeting, but can be used for up to two sessions of mediation at this service ( we do stretch it a bit to help!). The criteria remains, that you can only apply once for the funding and it must be used in relation to discussions about children, this can include all issues mediation, where you seek to discuss both arrangements for your children on the breakdown of a marriage ir relationship, as well as sorting out property and financial matters.

Call us if you want to know more or discuss it further on 01502 575252 or 07745 860122
We look forward to hearing from you, Debbie and Emma

Send a message to learn more

28/01/2025

Day 2 of family mediation week. Do you want to talk to us? attend a MIAM, a mediation information and assessment meeting? if you call us this week and book a MIAM , and mention that you or a friend or family member has seen this post , you can claim a free session, call us on 01502575252 or email me, Debbie on debbie@barbararobbfamilymediation.co.uk

27/01/2025

It is Family Mediation Week, a week that raises the profile of family mediation. Good news to start the week is that the Ministry of Justice has extended the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme for a further year, that is great news for parents who can receive £500 towards mediation costs. Court rules now encourage everybody to consider non-court dispute resolution.

Can we help this week? you are welcome, as always to call us and ask about mediation and how it can help you you move forward, to enable you to make decisions at the end of a marriage or relationship.

You can reach us on 01502575252, or contact us on office@barbararobbfamilymediation.co.uk

1st January 2025, a time of reflection for many and of looking at making positive changes for you and your future. If th...
01/01/2025

1st January 2025, a time of reflection for many and of looking at making positive changes for you and your future. If there are children of the family, it is also about ensuring that they experience less conflict if a relationship is coming to an end.
Family mediation can be the first step in considering your options in a safe and neutral space. It is not a therapeutic process , and if that is needed we can help signpost you to therapists who can help. We will also encourage you to take legal advice should it be needed.

Please feel free to contact Debbie Wahle or Emma Cooper for an initial and confidential phone call and we will explain the process to you, or answer any questions you may have.
You can call on 01502 575252 or 07745 860122, leave a message on here or email office@barbararobbfamilymediation.co.uk. We will return your call quickly, please ensure you leave a number.
We understand the first step can be the hardest.

Wishing you a happy and healthy 2025 and we are here if you need help.

We are no longer able to grant Legal Aid in Mediation, but can refer you to a service who can assist. We are able to offer the family mediation voucher funding and again we can discuss this with you further.

The Family Mediation Council website is also a very good place to start.

Family mediation helps you make arrangements for children, money & property following separation, and is available online. Find an FMC Registered Mediator.

Holidays are coming up.....With Christmas fast approaching, worries about where children will spend the holiday period i...
21/11/2024

Holidays are coming up.....
With Christmas fast approaching, worries about where children will spend the holiday period is in the minds of many separated parents.
Even families with well-established routines can find it a struggle to work out what times on which days the child(ren) will spend with each parent.
At the festive time there can be additional complication such as

• How will time be spent/incorporated with grandparents and wider family members
• Logistics around travel arrangements
• How might new partners feature in arrangements.
Here are some practical considerations, which may help you to work towards a joyous festive season: -
• Have discussions as early as possible, as time passes in December stress levels can rise.
• Find out what each parents views are and any specific plans you each want to make for the festive period.
• Put the child(ren) first, it is an exciting time for them, speak with them jointly, if possible, to find out what they enjoy or anything specific they want to do over Christmas. Make it clear that mum and dad will make the decisions but would like their input.
• If there are any or a few traditions for the family, can these be shared between you. Or are there specific things that each parent does with the child(ren) each year. Keeping with routines and traditions can help everyone to feel settled in times of change or transition.
• Give consideration as to how the time will be split, this may be partly determined by logistics and how far apart you are all living.
• If there is as good co-parenting relationship consideration to spending time altogether or splitting the festive days.
• If one parent has visiting family that the child(ren) do not see often, can arrangements be made for them to be included in plans.
• Does one parent enjoy the festive season more than the other or what is each parent’s perception/view of Christmas.
• Discuss gifts so that there is parity between you and not duplication, include wider family if you can.
If you can have discussion based around some of the considerations above this may help you to make decisions, this will give certainty and peace of mind. It also means that your child(ren) know what is happening over the season giving you all the best chance of a happy Christmas.
Most importantly do not worry, if you are having difficulties around arrangements we can help. As family mediators we are often asked for help by separated parents who cannot agree between themselves what will work best during the school break. We can help you work out a plan that fits your unique family circumstances. Our advice is to get in touch as soon as possible, don’t leave it until the last minute.
If you want to find out more or need further information about the benefits of Family Mediation offered by Barbara Robb Family Mediation.
You can email us on office@barbararobbfamilymediation.co.uk or call us 01502 575252, DM here and then speak with Debbie or Emma. Debbie Wahle runs the service and is a Family Mediation Council Accredited mediator and a Child Inclusive Mediator. Emma Cooper is a qualified Mediator registered with the Family Mediation Council and working towards accreditation.
We are here to help. Debbie and Emma

I was reminded today about this amazing charity
20/11/2024

I was reminded today about this amazing charity

ANDYSMANCLUB are a men’s su***de prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online.

Summer Holidays can be a challenging time for all parents particularly those who are separated when arrangements are not...
05/08/2024

Summer Holidays can be a challenging time for all parents particularly those who are separated when arrangements are not agreed or there is little flexibility as well as bringing uncertainty for children.

Here at Barbara Robb Family Mediation we have been pleased to help many families by utilising the family mediation vouchers that are still available through the government scheme. We understand it can be a difficult time and we will do all we can to speak to you and answer any questions about family mediation you may have. If you need an urgent Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, we can arrange that, you can call us on 01502 575252. Alternatively you can send a message if you prefer or a Whatsapp to ⁨07354854199

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