Jamie Moffat Counselling

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Jamie Moffat Counselling

A compassionate, non-judgemental, and understanding integrative therapist based in Manchester and the UK.

12/11/2025

In Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), our emotions are guided by three key systems that shape how we feel and act:

🔴 1. Threat System
“Am I safe?”
This system protects us from danger — physical or emotional.
Triggers: criticism, rejection, failure.
Feelings: anxiety, anger, shame.
Goal: Survival and protection.

🔵 2. Drive System
“I want to achieve or get something.”
This system pushes us to seek rewards, success, or pleasure.
Triggers: goals, excitement, ambition.
Feelings: motivation, pride, pleasure.
Goal: Achievement and progress.

🟢 3. Soothe System
“I’m safe and content.”
This is our calm, caring, connection system — it helps us rest and feel secure.
Triggers: kindness, connection, self-compassion.
Feelings: peace, warmth, belonging.
Goal: Balance and wellbeing.

CFT helps you activate your Soothe System by balancing the Threat and Drive systems so you can respond to life with more compassion, not just survival or striving.

For example, I know I’m in my Threat System when I feel anxious or fearful about things I can’t control, like the past or the future. Being aware of my Soothe System helps me stay grounded and return to safety in those moments of heightened emotion.

Remember: You need all three systems, but compassion helps them work together, not against each other.

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09/10/2025

Self-abandonment often starts as a survival strategy. We learn to silence our needs, dim our light, or put others first to keep the peace, feel loved, or stay safe. Over time, this becomes a pattern — one that can leave us feeling disconnected, resentful, or lost.

Here are a few common signs of self-abandonment:

• Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”
• Ignoring your emotions to avoid conflict
• Seeking external validation over your own truth
• Shrinking yourself to make others comfortable

How to begin reclaiming yourself:

• Start noticing where you override your needs
• Practice saying no with compassion
• Reconnect with what you truly want and feel
• Offer yourself love, protection, and care

Healing self-abandonment isn’t about blame — it’s about coming home to yourself.

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❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

22/09/2025

Assertive rights are the basic rights we all hold in our relationships and in the way we communicate with others. They’re gentle reminders that it’s okay to have needs, feelings, and boundaries — and that we don’t need to carry guilt for honouring them.

So often we’re taught to prioritise other people’s comfort over our own. That can lead to people-pleasing, resentment, or staying quiet when something matters to us. Remembering our assertive rights helps us step back into balance — respecting ourselves and others at the same time.

Some of these rights include:

❤️ The right to say no without explanation
🧡 The right to express your thoughts and feelings
💛 The right to change your mind
💚 The right to make mistakes and learn from them
💙 The right to be treated with respect
💜 The right to ask for what you need

Being assertive isn’t about being selfish or aggressive. It’s about recognising your worth, honouring your boundaries, and allowing space for authentic connection.

As a people-pleaser in recovery, I know I sometimes forget that I have these rights too — that I can stand up for myself and speak my truth.

Which of these rights do you find the hardest to believe in or practice?

❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

11/09/2025

A feelings wheel is a simple tool that helps you identify your emotions — starting with core feelings like sad, angry, or happy, and expanding into more specific words so you can better understand and express what you feel.

Features of a Feelings Wheel:

• Shows core emotions at the centre
• Expands outward into more specific feelings
• Visual, colourful, and easy to use at a glance
• Can be used alone, in journaling, or in therapy sessions

Benefits of a Feelings Wheel:

• Helps you name what you’re really feeling instead of just “good” or “bad”
• Builds emotional awareness and self-understanding
• Makes it easier to communicate your needs to others
• Supports mental health, recovery, and personal growth
• Creates space for compassion and choice, rather than being stuck in vague feelings

Today I feel sleepy, powerless, and hopeful. How do you feel?

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04/09/2025

I am pleased to share that I accept private health insurance with Bupa.

Bupa is the UK’s largest provider and a leading name in the private health insurance and healthcare market. This means that clients with Bupa cover can now access my services directly through their insurance plan.

If you are a Bupa member and would like to arrange sessions, please contact me for further details on how to get started. ✔️

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❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

19/08/2025

What is Rejection Sensitivity? 🥺

• Heightened Emotional Reactions: Rejection sensitivity means feeling rejection more intensely than most. Even small slights—like a brief pause in conversation, a delayed reply, or neutral body language—can trigger strong emotions.

• ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity: People with ADHD are particularly prone to it. Emotional regulation challenges and heightened sensitivity to social feedback can make interactions feel overwhelming or threatening.

• Overthinking & Rumination: You might replay events in your mind, imagining the worst, second-guessing yourself, or worrying that people dislike you—even when evidence says otherwise.

• Impact on Relationships: It can affect friendships, romantic relationships, and work life. Fear of rejection may lead to avoidance, withdrawal, or conflict.

• Emotional Consequences: Can lead to anxiety, sadness, irritability, or even feelings of shame. Your mind is simply alert to social cues, sometimes too much.

• Not a Flaw: Feeling this way isn’t wrong—it reflects your brain’s sensitivity to connection and belonging.

• Support: Therapy can help you recognise triggers, manage strong emotional responses, set healthy boundaries, and develop self-compassion. With support, relationships and daily life can feel safer and less stressful.

As an LGBTQIA+ person, I’m sensitive to rejection. I’m learning to respond with self-compassion, so I can live a healthier, more fulfilling life and be less impacted by it.

❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

15/07/2025

The anxious-avoidant trap is a painful but common dynamic where two people unintentionally trigger each other’s deepest attachment wounds.

😬The Anxious Partner:

• Craves closeness and connection
• Feels insecure or abandoned when a partner becomes distant
• Seeks reassurance, communication, and emotional intensity to feel safe

💀 The Avoidant Partner:
• Fears being overwhelmed, controlled, or losing independence
• Pulls away when things feel too emotionally intense
• Shuts down or distances themselves to self-regulate

🔁 The Trap Begins:
• The more the anxious partner reaches out for connection, the more the avoidant pulls away.
• The more the avoidant withdraws, the more anxious and activated the other becomes.
• Both partners end up feeling unmet, misunderstood, and emotionally unsafe.

🦋 Breaking the Trap:
• Understand your attachment style
• Learn to self-soothe and set boundaries
• Choose partners who can meet you emotionally (Secure Attachment)
• Heal the belief that love has to feel like anxiety or uncertainty to be real.

⚠️ If you’re constantly chasing or withdrawing, you might not be with the wrong person — you might be stuck in the wrong pattern. You deserve connection that feels safe, mutual, and emotionally regulated.

❤️🧡💛Link in Bio💚💙💜

Address

St Ann’s Square
Manchester
M27DD

Website

http://www.jamiemoffatcounselling.com/

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