Rising Phoenix Counselling

23/11/2025

23/11/2025

We live in a world that refuses to see pain; it denies it, challenges us to smile, pull our socks up, get over it, man up, stop being a drama queen, attention seeker...to think positive...all the whilst denying our truth, reality and silencing our emotions.

Don't cry, don't expess anger, don't be scared...

It starts as early as childhood. Don't be naughty (have needs, a voice, express self), be good (blind obedience, conformity, people please...).

Then we continue to label those lost to us via su***de, pathologise pain; what's wrong with them? just junkies, anti-social, hot headed, weak, not right in the head....

As a survivor of trauma you not only learn that compassion wasn't found in who hurt you but in the world that allow it and created (conditioned and allowed them) the person or people who hurt you.

The world feels scary because you learn to feel alone in your pain and in feeling the world isn't on your side. Nobody understands and nobody will protect you. Not the system, not the culture and not those around you.

One feels defeated for these reasons.

23/11/2025

Being super independent comes from being abandoned (does not have to be physical) and betrayed at the most vulnerable time(s) in ones life by the very person/people who were meant to be there for you.

This also applies to not letting others in and building walls that others can't always see.

16/11/2025

People pleasing isn't just self abandonment and self-betrayal but the erasure of self and authenticity.

16/11/2025

When you're starving for connection beware of settling for attention.

14/11/2025

The hardest thing with relational trauma is not being able to live and hide in isolation and having to some extent rely on and depend on others for support. When nobody feels safe and trustworthy or that they will stay or really understands you or emotionally intelligent and so many haven't done work on themselves, any form of relationship or interaction seems so empty, unsafe and uncomfortable. It's not about not asking for help or not wanting help, it's about feeling alone, unable to trust and being let down too many times.

12/10/2025

10/10/2025

Today, is mental health day thinking of:

Those with unresolved trauma
Those who cannot get support
Those who are financially struggling.
Those who have been bereaved
Those affected by war
Those who are estranged by family
Those who are isolated and alone
Those fighting battles nobody knows
Carers, unpaid mental professionals, nurses, GP's.
LGBTA+ community
Children and teenagers failed by the educational system or being bullied or pressures of social media for teenagers.
Those affected by racism and misogyny
Those that society doesn't cater for......
Mental health starts with taking action against the broken and dysfunctional systems and society we live in.

26/09/2025

I hear this a lot around su***de,

"But they had the perfect life".

It's like saying they had the perfect body and therefore cannot get/have a disease that kills them. Trauma kills, stress kills, unresolved psychological and emotional injury kills. These don't discriminate no matter what. Happiness isn't in material things, love alone can't cure the deepest bleeding of the psyche. Love heals but safety in environment is just as important and we don't live in an emotionally safe world. In a world where these wounds are always seen, understood and attended too or prevented.

14/09/2025

When someone is suicidal or feels suicidal the worst thing you can say to that person is: if you were then you would have done it by now.

Firstly it dismisses and invalidates their feelings and pain.

Secondly, it's judgemental and suggests the person is just seeking attention.

Thirdly, it's asking the person to end their pain by taking their life so that their pain can finally be seen and they can be taken seriously, by which point, the person has lost their life.

Nobody should have to prove their pain when reaching out for support and nobody should be faced with this response. We can do better, than label people attention seekers when they are connection seeking.

It's not enough to ask those suffering to talk about it, our responses and attitudes need changing before anyone can trust and feel safe enough to reach out or talk about it.

14/09/2025

September is su***de awareness month. This is my message to the world and as a mental health professional.

Not talking about emotional pain is like not talking about physical pain. Not talking about emotional pain is like ignoring physical pain and expecting it to go away. Not talking about emotional pain is like expecting a person to physically suffer and ignoring them when in need. It's like telling them not to go to a GP or shame them for telling anyone where it hurts. There is no difference between physical and emotional pain.
Mental and emotional pain silenced will and does kill people.

If you don't know if they want to talk about it, just ask, don't assume and don't render their pain invisible. Just like we ask, did you hurt yourself? Don't tell someone they will be okay or they are okay. Sit with them, listen to them, allow them their reality, not your comfort.

Don't be afraid to ask, don't be afraid to ask if they are suicidal. Asking doesn't kill or make things worse, it shows people that they are seen, makes them feel not alone and normalises pain. Big emotions are not bad, they are a normal reaction to overwhelm. It's okay to have them, it's not okay to bury them.

When we ask others to bury their pain, the reality is we may be also burying them. We can support them or help them find support, just let's not ask them to shut down emotions, that's asking someone to be dead inside and chances are they already feel dead inside. When that's asked of someone they may feel, they might as well be dead.

Please let's change the narrative and start normalising open discussions, the expression of feelings and acknowledging pain not turning away from it.

14/09/2025