25/11/2025
🪽 I finally feel like peace is returning – it took a while 🪽
Grief hits you unexpectedly, from nowhere, and when you least expect it.
For me, it was the day of his funeral.
It was like a whole other person had entered and consumed my entire being.
At first, I didn’t realize the depth of it – I knew I was grieving, but not the extent.
I don’t think it truly hit me how far down that hole I had fallen until the day Ada was born – a whole new chapter beginning right before my eyes.
I watched Ada come into this world.
I know he was there too – he walked right behind me into the delivery suite, and when I saw him, I burst into tears.
Megan was not far from giving birth, looking at me on the bed and saying, ‘Why are you crying? It’s me on the bed.’ 👌🤣
A few months ago, I realised that I had stepped away from my spiritual side for far too long – becoming a muggle through grief.
I was lucky enough to be invited to a private circle, and all the answers came flooding through – many thanks to the mediums for demonstrating real, eternal love and passing messages from him – my Dad 💕
He wants me to have a party, but I opted for a meal with my lot and a trip away instead… I never did as I was told while he was here in the physical, so why would I start now? 🙄🤫🤣
I went through a phase of not wanting my gift of sight, knowing that those who loved him would never see him the way I would. And yet, I did – unexpectedly, at Megan’s bedside.
As a medium, you have a responsibility to be authentic, but when you yourself are grieving, it’s a huge task.
Having a hole in your heart the size of the Atlantic… passing messages becomes a battle between physical absence in the form of grief and the deep knowing that life is eternal, when all you want is a phone call or a telling off – standard for me!
My eldest son saw my downfall coming and told me, not long before he passed, trying to catch me the day after he took his passage back to the other world:
‘We aren’t doing this, are we, Mum?’
It was too early for me to fully understand what he meant, but his words lingered.
Kyle had called me 10 days before he passed and said, ‘This is going to hurt.’
In my head, I thought, ‘No s**t, Sherlock.’ But instead of ignoring him, I listened. Every word he said came to be true. I believe my eldest son is more intuitive and gifted than I am.
Since taking his journey home, he’s visited several of the family in one way or another – of course he has. Why would he not? He always had a very selective choice of words for those who needed them – mainly ‘Get it done!’ or ‘Let them deal with it. It’s their problem, not yours.’
But now, something has shifted. I’ve stepped back into my own private world – a world of choice, not isolation – reconnected, and I’m finding peace, doing more, and feeling a hell of a lot more centred than I did in 2024.
My creative side is flowing and my vision is clearer.
There’s still a hole in my heart, but I believe this to be love stretching beyond loss – a quiet reminder of all that once was and will always be 🦋💕
And through it all, I’m grateful for my gift.
It has carried others through their darkest moments, just as the mediums I know have carried me through mine 🙏
