Tina Cockram, SEND Family Support

14/02/2026

Have you heard of RSD?

It’s something I’m asked about regularly in mentoring sessions and parent conversations, they are not sure what it is, but I then go on to explain and it’s like a light bulb moment, yes it’s the fear and pain of the rejection.

But what actually is it?

Rejection Sensitivity (sometimes called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) isn’t a formal diagnosis, even though it sounds like one. Different professionals describe it in different ways. It was originally talked about in connection with ADHD, but increasingly many young people with and without ADHD describe experiencing it.

At its heart, rejection sensitivity is about the intensity of the emotional response.

It’s not just “feeling left out.”
It’s not just “being a bit sensitive.”

It can feel overwhelming. Physical. All-consuming.

I see it show up in subtle but powerful ways:

A young person watches a phone ring and believes the person chose not to answer them.

A text/whatsapp isn’t replied to straight away, and the story in their head becomes, “I don’t matter.”

A meet-up is mentioned, and they assume they were the last to be invited or not really wanted, so they decide not to go at all.

They feel at the bottom of the pecking order, even when there’s no evidence that’s true.

The pain feels real. Immediate. Personal.

And because it feels so intense, they start avoiding situations where rejection might happen. They don’t try the new club. They don’t text first. They don’t put themselves forward. Not because they don’t care but because they care so deeply that the risk feels unbearable.

Over time, avoidance can make it stronger.

The more we protect ourselves from the feeling, the more powerful it becomes when it does show up. Life can start to revolve around preventing rejection even though none of us can completely avoid it.

In my work, I like to gently explore the story behind the feeling:-

What might be another explanation?

What else could be true?

What assumptions are we filling in?

Where did this belief about “not being wanted” begin?

Using social stories, reflection, and mindset work, we can begin to untangle the automatic narrative and offer alternative possibilities without dismissing the emotion itself.

13/02/2026

What a week 💛

I’ve sat here tonight just reflecting, I feel very grateful for the trust you have placed in me to help you and your family navigating all the challenges SEND can bring.

All six of my Discovery Calls were taken this week and every single one reminded me why I do this work.

Two families have already secured PA/Mentoring sessions, which I’m so looking forward to starting.

One family I supported remotely at a school meeting this week, we had a little chat in the car before going in, just grounding and talking things through and setting a firm agenda for what we wanted to communicate with school. I attended virtually on Teams, and afterwards we had another little post meeting chat over a virtual pot of tea together, it was great to compare notes but also to pick up on things Mum did not notice and i was also there to take minutes of the meeting, which is vitally important.

Another family will now have weekly check-ins while things settle. They need support with documents, a bit of signposting and generally someone to help steady the ship and that’s exactly what I’m here for.

Two other families said the Discovery Call alone felt really beneficial, and they’re going to pop back when they feel they’re at the next stage. And honestly? That’s absolutely what I want my service to be about, there is no pressure from me to use me going forward.

I cannot stress enough, I am not a salesy person. I use the Discovery Call to see whether I truly feel I can support you in the best way I can. If I don’t feel I’m the right fit, I will always signpost you elsewhere. It means more to me that you are properly supported than anything else. I get how hard this path is.

I offer six Discovery Calls each week, and once those six are booked, the calendar closes. I already have three booked for next week, so there are a few spaces left if you’ve been thinking about it.

You can book here:
https://calendly.com/tinacockramsfs/new-meeting

If you can’t see a time that works, just message me and I’ll always do my best to accommodate.

07/02/2026

Feeling very grateful today! ❤️

I wanted to say a big thank you to Ione at SEND Tutoring for featuring me in their recent newsletter. We had a great time discussing the work I do with SEND Families and the fantastic work Ione has been working on over the years, supporting the Home Education/EOTIS community. I am so happy to be able to reach even more families who might need a helping hand.

Collaboration is everything in the SEND world, and I’m honoured to be highlighted alongside such a fantastic tutoring service. Thanks again, Ione!"

Please take a look at the news letter below

Read our blog post - The Emotional Cost of Navigating SEND Systems: A Q&A With Tina Cockram at SEND Tutoring - helping you find the right tutor for your SEND child

06/02/2026

Dr Naomi Fisher always speaks such good sense to me, her views always resonate with me, I’ve gained so much from her webinars, for many SEND families, anxiety is one of the biggest challenges our children experience. It can create significant barriers to learning, daily life, and wellbeing. Even with careful planning and awareness of triggers, it isn’t always possible to anticipate when it will show up.

Anxiety is a strange thing. We talk about worries, but for children it’s often not about that at all. It’s about tummy aches, or feeling ‘fizzy’, or going round and round in circles about the same thing. It’s about the paralysing sense that something is utterly terrifying, and it’s spending hours thinking of ways to avoid it. It’s waking early in the morning because you’re too wound up to stay asleep. For many autistic children, anxiety can look like meltdowns or withdrawing, or refusing to do something.

When your child is highly anxious, it affects the whole family. You might be telling yourself to stay calm, but feelings are infectious. We sense our children’s emotions, and so when they are anxious, we pick up on it too. The whole family can start to feel like they are walking on eggshells. You can never relax.

Anxiety is tricky, because sometimes the things that we do to try and help can inadvertently make things worse. It brings on more anxiety rather than less – and we disappear down a rabbit hole of fear and trying to get away from it.

That’s what I’m talking about in my webinar. Helping Your Autistic Child with Anxiety. You’ll learn how anxiety shows up in autistic children, why it happens and what you can do to help. Please share if you know parents who might appreciate it.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/helping-your-autistic-child-with-anxiety-tickets-1982284000808?aff=fb1

03/02/2026

Thank you so much to everyone who has booked in with me, I’m really grateful for the trust you place in my support.

I currently offer six Discovery Call slots each week. If those fill up, more will be released the following week.

You can book your call here: https://calendly.com/tinacockramsfs/new-meeting

If you can’t see a time that works for you, please just message me and I’ll always do my best to accommodate.

From next week, I’ll also be opening some weekend sessions twice a month to give a bit more flexibility.

Looking forward to speaking with you soon

🌱 Introducing Discovery Calls – a gentle place to begin 🌱
I am now introducing my free Discovery calls.

If you’re feeling unsure where to turn, overwhelmed by everything going on, or just needing someone to talk to who understands.
My approach is grounded in empathic listening, understanding, and many years of experience within SEND, shaped by both professional work and lived experience.
I know how vital it is to have a safe space where you can speak honestly, feel heard, and explore challenges without pressure or judgment.

I’m here not just for the child, but for you and your family as a whole. Together, we can slow things down, make sense of what’s going on, and gently explore what might help.

My discovery calls are low demand, no pressure, and no obligation for further support, I offer the time to gently unpick what’s happening and what feels hard right now.

This isn’t a pushy sales call. It’s a mutual conversation where we both decide:

• whether you’d like to work with me going forward
• and whether I’m genuinely the right person to support you

If I feel another service would better meet your needs, I will always signpost you there. Honesty and integrity come first.

If it does feel like a good fit, we can explore ongoing support and you can go away and have a think if you feel this would be beneficial, this could including weekly check-ins, shaped around what works for you and your family, no fixed packages, no arbitrary session limits.

✨ Discovery calls are now available. Please find enclosed a link to my calendar to book in at a time convenient for you.

https://calendly.com/tinacockramsfs/new-meeting

02/02/2026

This is a great resource on PDA from The Contented Child, Child Wellbeing Consultancy. PDA is so difficult to manage at times. It’s even harder to explain to others that this is not a child/YP or adult trying to get their own way, but it’s the nervous system fighting to feel in control and regulated, this behaviour is driven by anxiety and the need to be in the driving seat of any situation. This can even present itself with being given something as simple as being presented with a meal to eat. Even that is a demand to some people. This also complicates other co-occurring conditions, as it becomes harder to spot or manage or provide the right strategy.

If supporting your child at home sometimes feels like walking a tightrope, you are not alone.

PDA can turn everyday requests into big feelings, and that can be exhausting for families. This visual is here to help you understand what is happening beneath the behaviour and how to support your child’s nervous system with safety, connection, and regulation in mind.

Check our page for other posts on PDA.

01/02/2026

🌱 Introducing Discovery Calls – a gentle place to begin 🌱
I am now introducing my free Discovery calls.

If you’re feeling unsure where to turn, overwhelmed by everything going on, or just needing someone to talk to who understands.
My approach is grounded in empathic listening, understanding, and many years of experience within SEND, shaped by both professional work and lived experience.
I know how vital it is to have a safe space where you can speak honestly, feel heard, and explore challenges without pressure or judgment.

I’m here not just for the child, but for you and your family as a whole. Together, we can slow things down, make sense of what’s going on, and gently explore what might help.

My discovery calls are low demand, no pressure, and no obligation for further support, I offer the time to gently unpick what’s happening and what feels hard right now.

This isn’t a pushy sales call. It’s a mutual conversation where we both decide:

• whether you’d like to work with me going forward
• and whether I’m genuinely the right person to support you

If I feel another service would better meet your needs, I will always signpost you there. Honesty and integrity come first.

If it does feel like a good fit, we can explore ongoing support and you can go away and have a think if you feel this would be beneficial, this could including weekly check-ins, shaped around what works for you and your family, no fixed packages, no arbitrary session limits.

✨ Discovery calls are now available. Please find enclosed a link to my calendar to book in at a time convenient for you.

https://calendly.com/tinacockramsfs/new-meeting

01/02/2026

For those looking for a tutorLittle Learners Online Tutoring is very experienced in this area and offers very low demand tutoring and works at your child’s pace. She takes the time to understand the child and is led by their interests.

Environmentally based school avoidance.

To anyone who says “Yea, well many children would rather not be in school ”… That’s true.

But, not wanting to be in school is really NOT the same as being UNABLE to attend because a child’s nervous system is in survival mode.

A child who simply doesn’t want to go may complain, whinge, negotiate, or drag their feet and still be capable of attending.

A child experiencing anxiety based school avoidance may present with…

• nausea or upset tummy
• cramps or headaches
• disrupted sleep
• panic and hiding
• meltdowns or shutdowns
• shaking, breathlessness
• freezing or dissociation

This is not preference or poor parenting, it’s panic.

Many of these children want to attend school.
They want to cope. They want to be able to do what their friends can do but their body just will not let them.

Treating panic as defiance does not build resilience, it causes more harm.

If you are in this situation please speak to your GP and ensure all symptoms are formally logged.
That medical evidence may be needed one day.
Remember they’re unable, not refusing.

Also listening to children does not lower standards.
It protects them. Safety first

X###

01/02/2026

I bet there are lots who can relate to this post by Dr Naomi Fisher. Burnout hits differently when you’re parenting a neurodivergent child and sleep is never guaranteed. Nights can be long and filled with worry, sensory needs, or simply the comfort of being close. While the world talks about sleep training their toddlers and “bedtime routines,” many of us are just trying to survive until morning many years later and the best we hope for is everyone is regulated and rested enough to tackle the day ahead.

The exhaustion isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. You’re constantly advocating, adapting, and anticipating needs, often on very little rest. And yet, you keep showing up, you’re running on just fumes, you’re not failing your parenting in a system that doesn’t always make room for how your child actually experiences the world. You’re not alone, even at 3 a.m. 💙

It’s late at night and you’re lying with a child. They can’t go to sleep without you there. You wonder if they might be asleep and if you can risk shuffling away – there’s still time to grab a few moments alone because your body insists that you sleep.

You move. Their eyes snap open. ‘Don’t go’ they say and you relax back into them. ‘I’m here’, you say soothingly. ‘It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere’. You resign yourself to another half an hour at least.

As you lie there, you wonder if anyone else is doing this with their twelve-year-old. Whether your friends would be horrified if they knew that you were still spending hours every night helping them to wind down. You think of the early days when you thought they’d grow out of this, and you wonder when that time will come when they go to bed themselves and you will have ‘an evening’ again. You think about your day, and how it goes from task to task to task, and how there is rarely time to complete a thought or an action without an interruption. You wonder how much longer you can carry on for, and what happens when you just can’t keep it up anymore.

Your child stirs. You stay as still as a mouse.

Talking about the toll of parenting can be taboo. We’re meant to focus on how rewarding it is, how lucky we are to have our amazing children. But what about when it pushes you to your limits and there’s no one who seems to understand?

That’s what I’m focusing on in this webinar on Monday lunchtime. Parental burnout. How to stop the signs in yourself, and how to turn things around.

It’s recorded. Please share with parents who might be secretly wondering if they are the only ones.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/burnt-out-by-parenting-with-dr-naomi-fisher-tickets-1980545402614?aff=fb4

31/01/2026

Listening to this podcast with Professor Green, who was diagnosed autistic at 40, will resonate with a lot of people.

When people say “we didn’t have autism in my day,” we did. People just struggled. It was explained as something else. As Professor Green explains, his difficulties were often put down to his dad not being around, rather than having a deeper delve, it was easier to blame his dad’s absence.

What really stood out was his point about school attendance. He said “I wasn’t in very much, school commented, “when he is here, he is great.” Yet no one asked why he wasn’t able to get there. Unfortunately SEND children are massively misunderstood.

Sadly, it feels like we’re still missing that point in schools.

30/01/2026

Great post from Jenn Hodge - Doing Education Differently. If you are not following Stop the Children's Wellbeing and Schools Bill, this is a great post highlighting the failings of Social Services and them using Home Education as the scapegoat!

The tragic death of Sara Sharif should never be weaponised to attack home education.

What happened to Sara was not a failure of education choice, it was a failure of safeguarding.

Social services had repeated contact with this family. Warning signs were present. Opportunities to intervene were missed. Yet instead of confronting those institutional failings, the narrative has repeatedly shifted toward blaming home education as if removing a child from school is what caused the abuse.

Abuse happens in all settings, including to children who attend school every day.

Home education did not harm Sara. Violence did.

If we are going to use her name, let it be to say she brought about essential and overdue changes to our failing child services, which are ultimately the responsibility of our Government.

❌ Evidence of home education causing harm does NOT exist.

👉 Evidence of school causing harm is EVERYWHERE.
👉 Evidence of local authorities causing harm is EVERYWHERE.
👉 Evidence of Governments causing harm is EVERYWHERE.

23/01/2026

Children with EBSA are often expert maskers. In school they’ll say, “I’m fine,” not because they are, but because it feels safer than opening up. They may not have the words yet, or they may be afraid of consequences, so everything is held together in school and released at home.

What’s often overlooked is how long it takes for a child to feel safe. I’ve spent weeks on the floor playing with dinosaurs, drawing pictures, playing Uno or making the same bracelet again and again, or perhaps the young person asks that we take a quiet walk in the park. Sometimes it takes weeks before a child even begins to engage and only when they are ready.

Keeping hands and minds busy, removing pressure, and building trust slowly is the foundation to supporting the young person and it is where real progress begins.

This is why short, six week interventions often fall short. Six weeks is frequently just enough time for a child’s guard to be lifted ever so slightly and then the support comes to an abrupt end. For children with attachment difficulties, trauma, or long-term masking, this can reinforce the belief that adults show up and then leave again. Even if it’s not conscious, the subconscious mind remembers and this can be so damaging.

Consistency is the intervention. Relationship is the work. The child’s voice only emerges when they feel safe enough to use it.

From the end of February, I’ll be offering EBSA mentoring, either at home or in school (where appropriate). This support focuses on building trust over time and helping children express what they’re really experiencing, so their voice can be heard and meaningfully communicated back to school.

If this resonates, please feel free to get in touch. I will soon be opening up some mentoring places towards the end of February.