12/10/2025
So grateful to have been part of this reiki circle 💜 💫
Beautiful words 🥰
I've really really struggled to write this post, despite wanting to for around two weeks.
I've found it almost impossible to find the words. I can't lie, I've been so worried I get it wrong. That I'm not gentle enough, or that I simply don't do what I'm about to share with you justice. There is no justice that could be done, but I'm just aware of how precious this is and I simply want to do it well. Not for me, but for the two people in that photo. Those feelings are simply because I care so much. You see, the story that's coming is one that no parent should ever have to endure. I believe, with my whole heart, that it's the worst thing a person can have to experience, and it is that. They have to. There is no choice. Nobody would choose this.
For that reason there is a 💜TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ I can't continue writing without making you aware that this post might break your heart. It's about Child Loss, and it also includes a small section about Suicidal feelings. If you need to stop reading then please do. It's ok, I promise.
You also need to know that this post might not be what you expect and that you might find healing and hope in the most unexpected place, just as I did. This story isn't mine to tell, so it doesn't matter how I feel or even what I think but I will continue to try and express it as best I can. It won't be said in my words. It will be quoted from Pamela Docherty, the woman in this incredible photo.
Pamela is the Mum of Bella.
Her precious wee Bella.
Mind Yersel' began from a journey of grief. Comparison often serves no purpose in life, but here I think it matters. Not for one second do I think my soul destroying journey through grief even comes close to what any person that's lost a child experiences. I need that to be clear. What I do know is that the pain of grief comes because of how much love existed and love is love is love is love. There are no limits to how much a person can love, your grief journey is a result of your love. There is no love greater than a parents.
I said earlier that this might be one of the most important posts I ever write. Let me tell you why. Of course because it's not my story and so to get it wrong, or even not just right would be very easy. That would not be ok. But, it's way more than that. I began here to try and do something. Just anything really. A tiny wee thing to maybe help one wee person in some way. That would have been enough. No part of me ever expected everything that's come. Not one cell in my body expected such healing, community, power and love to come from my daft wee hope and idea. Moving Mountains was no different. I had a wee hope. An idea. I expected nothing. Even when it blew my mind the first time, nothing more than that was possible, surely. This is so important though not because of that. It's because of Pamela. Her willingness to live. To keep existing. Her deep love. Her beautiful daughter. Her horrific loss. Through it all, somehow together we've created hope. Not one of us alone. All of us. That's why this matters. I am lost for words. I have cried many many times over how this all unfolded. John and I both. It's so special. I'm so sad, heartbroken and so filled with hope and love at the same time. Thank you Pamela.
Thank you Bella, you beautiful girl. I never knew you in this world but I know I will in the next. Keep your Mummy safe 💜
I'd love us to let the world see Bella's beautiful face. To show that even in the darkest times, there can be hope, so please share Pamela's story. It deserves to be read, heard and seen.
The next words are from Pamela.
"I want to share my experience at moving mountains as it had a profound effect on me and I'm still processing that day and how I felt.
Most of who was there that day won't no my own reasons for being there or my story. We all have our story's as to why we need these therapy days. Some are just that they love them, some are that they are deeply needed and I didn't realise just how much I needed a day to focus on my mental well being.
My story.
My 5 year old daughter died suddenly valentines morning 2023.
That day changed me in ways I could never imagine.
We new something wasn't quite right, she was due in as an inpatient for some testing(we didn't think it was serious just some regression issues but we new she wasn't right) but unfortunately the week before she was due in, she collapsed after feeling unwell and her heart stopped. We did cpr, called an ambulance but despite their efforts and those at the hospital they couldn't save her. We found out 11months later she was born with a condition called Leighs syndrome (Leighs disease)
It's a genetic neurological disorder that when triggered is fatal. There is nothing that can be done. They go into respiratory failure which leads to cardiac arrest and death. (most don't live past age 2, maybe 3!) It was the worst day of my life and if I could have traded places with her so she could have had a life I would have.
So that's my story as to why I was at moving mountains.
Iv known Lauren and anndrea Harvie since high school so when this opportunity came up I grabbed it. Thought il give it a go, nothing to loose and il try anything to get my mental health to a better place. I have previously been suicidal after Bellas death (I was put on su***de watch by my husband and family and friends the day after Bellas death as I was very clear I wanted to just go be with her) and in the year after her death.
Since then, it's been a battle of demons in my head, go be with her, stay for your other kids and husband, they need you. A devil on one shoulder, the angel on the other and for a long time and still to this day every day is a struggle.
Moving mountains had a major affect on me. In the most amazing way. I connected with people who struggle in their own ways, I felt I wasn't alone. Even although I no I'm not alone, my family, friends, kids, husband, we all lost that day, we all suffer. But I still at times feel alone.
The reiki circle. I don't even no where to begin so il just dive straight in.
Iv never had reiki before. I love the concept of it, love the idea of it but never thought it was really for me. How wrong was I.
The minute I felt the energy I felt weird. Calm, peaceful, accepted.
But what really got me, was the second healing I got. Whomever that second person was who put their hands on me, something else happened and I hope they felt it too.
Not only was I focusing on the ball of light and the feelings and energy which was tremendous and overpowering. But I became very aware of a second energy. It wasn't the person healing me. It was my daughter.
I became so aware of this presence in front of me this second entity that was tiny, powerful, as though cheering me on. I couldn't stop the tears pouring down my face. I wasn't moving but my eyes wouldnt stop. It was as though she was there in that moment cheering me on saying 'go mummy! You got this! Your doing it!
I could feel it.
It was like a ball of force, power, energy and I could honestly feel it. Iv never EVER felt that before. I could have reached out and touched it.
It was as I said to anndrea afterwards 'otherworldly'
iv experienced feeling her around me before, more so at night as sometimes she would come into our room, wander up to her daddy's side of the bed. and if he didn't wake she would wander to my side and just stare, and you'd feel it and id wake up and s**t myself at this wee face just staring at me in the dark centimeters from my face 😂🤦🏽♀️
Iv felt her doing that, and I'd move over in bed open the covers and say come on in baby. Even though I can't see her I felt her. I sometimes thought it was just me wanting it, wanting to believe she was there. But after what I experienced at reiki circle, I no I'm right.
But this was way way different. It was more powerful, more prominent and a different kind of energy. It was like she was trying to connect to me in a different way.
I can't explain in words properly what I felt. But I no there was something there. It was the most powerful feeling iv ever felt in my life. And it was right there in front of me burning. My eyes were closed, I was in a different world at that time. So focused, so calm, so aware, and at peace inside.
I came home after that and I cried. Not due to grief, but relief. That I'm not crazy, and that she is 100% with me and she was proving that to me that day.
I told my husband, her daddy and he cried too. I slept the best I have slept in years that night. Was the first time I slept unmedicated since her death. I was mentally and physical drained for days but in a good way. And since then it's gave me hope. That I can get through this grief without it consuming me every single second of the day with guilt. That Bella was telling me that day to keep going. And I will. For her and me.
Iv still a long long road ahead of me but as I tell people, it's a journey. Not a journey I want to be on but a journey iv been forced to take that I will walk each day my way and I will get to the end of it proud of how I walked it. And at the end of that journey, will be my girl ready to take my hand to be with her.
I hope I didn't bore anyone. And I hope everyone had as an amazing experience as I did.
Thank you Lauren & John , if it wasn't for you both creating this. I wouldn't have had this profound experience that has changed my mindset and how I'm processing my grief.
Thank you to you both and the facilitators who helped me that day.
Til the next one. ❤️"
No other words needed.
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Mind Yersel' 💜
