23/01/2026
21km run completed. Ran 10 km probably 3x in my entire life.
Being depressed and frustrated led me to create a playlist with David Goggins , and I started running a half-marathon ( 21 km 100m) at 10 pm, finishing at run time 2 hours and 12 minutes. After 17 km running on my treadmill, staring at an empty wall in front of me, I was hitting my own mental and physical wall. The last 4 km felt endless, and I was going through a long library of hurtful memories, just to get through it.
Burning hips, f-upped tight ankles, cramping fingers that made me stumble/ nearly fall about 3 times, and bleeding nail, shaking legs like after brutal leg day. All that helped to clear my mind and push through even when it really, really sucks.
Time to change something...all that just because of being in need of constant approval, and words of value from someone else does NOT serve you. Treating, and trading your time, energy, and resources recklessly, decreasing your personal value in the eyes of others, and eventually your own as well.
Not being able to see your own value is a problem that starts with YOU, fixable also, by only YOU.
Providing yourself evidence of building, and growing something meaningful to you emotionally, personally, and morally by taking continuous, and consistent action might FIX it- temporarily- NOT at all- or maybe fix it forever ( only for the lucky ones I guess)
BUT
you'll only find out by stopping letting people to f**king with your time, resources, energy, and by proving yourself that you have worth, you're good enough.
All that is achieved by creating and working on something that is meaningful to you. Create an undeniable stack of proof that you're who you say/ think you are by taking action, and building evidence. Probably a task for the rest of my life.
Playlist "JUST GO!!!!" in bio, and comments below.
Good luck to you if you feel similar.
