Better Me Better Us

07/12/2025

🆘 𝐖𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐔𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 🆘

We don't use the word urgent lightly - but we've never needed to find this many gifts at this point of Mission Christmas before.

It's a big, big number, and behind each number is a child who we want to make sure has a present to open on Christmas morning.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲? 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟕𝐭𝐡 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫!

That's a good question - but the reason we need your help NOW is because when you donate to us, we need time to process the gifts, sort them, pack them and then get them to the organisations who've applied for the gifts (like schools, social services teams and small local charities). They then need time to get them to the families in time for Christmas Day. So whilst it may seem like there's loads of time until Christmas, there really isn't!

𝐒𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩?

🎁 Buy an extra gift and drop it off at one of our drop off points - but don't wait until closer to Christmas, please do it NOW.

🎁 Donate online and we'll buy a gift on your behalf - and on average we can turn every £1 donated into £3 worth of gifts thanks to our amazing partners we work with.

🎁 Buy a gift from our Mission Christmas Gift List also on our website.
..and whatever way you choose, 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐄 this post too, to let more people know we need their help. Mission Christmas is a big team effort, and we need to spread the word to that whole team.

We don't like writing posts like this, but we also don't want to let any of these children and young people down, so in whatever you can help, please do now, THANK YOU 🙏

🔗 All the info you need is at cashforkids.org.uk/mission

02/12/2025

If you’ve noticed your child becoming more irritable, impatient, or “hooked” on screens, you’re not imagining it. Screens don’t just entertain – they rewire the brain’s reward pathways.
Here’s the cycle many children get stuck in… and why it becomes so hard to break without support.

02/12/2025

As we head into Christmas, many children are already carrying a heavy load of shame, that deep feeling of “I’m bad… I’m unlovable… something is wrong with me.”

For those children, the world doesn’t feel safe. And their shame armour is working overtime.

And then December arrives…
with “naughty or nice” lists, Santa cams, threats of presents being taken away, and constant reminders that good behaviour = being worthy of gifts and love.

For children with high levels of shame, this messaging doesn’t motivate them.

It confirms their worst fears:

❗ “I knew I was naughty.”
❗ “I don’t deserve nice things.”
❗ “Everyone else gets presents because they’re better than me.”
❗ “I mess up… so I must be bad.”

We think we’re encouraging behaviour.

But for many children, especially those with trauma, neurodiversity, or emotional vulnerability, we’re deepening shame and pushing them further into survival mode.

Just like Jake in the book, their armour gets thicker.
Their behaviour looks bigger.
And the adults around them become confused about why “Christmas is making everything worse.”

But the truth is:
Christmas amplifies shame, especially when worthiness is linked to behaviour.

Instead of “naughty or nice,” we can offer:

“You are loved no matter what.”

“Christmas is for everyone.”

“Mistakes don’t make you bad.”

“Your feelings are safe with me.”

“Presents aren’t earned, you are worthy as you are.”

When children feel safe and accepted, their armour softens, their behaviours soften and Christmas becomes something they can actually enjoy.

🔗 to buy Jake and his Shame Armour https://amzn.eu/d/iGqsNTG

28/11/2025

Families seeking help for their children’s complex needs describe threats of police action against them.

25/11/2025

Dan Hughes, founder of DDP, and colleagues from DDP Connects UK and the University of Glasgow discuss readiness for therapy and blocked care. They describe b...

25/11/2025

Tomorrow afternoon I’m on Times Radio between 315 and 415. I will be speaking about therapeutic parenting and how important it is for all local authorities to get trauma informed.
The vast majority of people don’t understand the difference it makes to our children’s lives so I really want to continue to raise awareness about this.
Tune in! 

(Pic from Public Health Wales).

25/11/2025

24/11/2025

We have good days and bad days.

We get overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, and unmotivated.

So why do we expect children to stay calm, focused, and “well-behaved” all day long?

Children aren’t mini adults.

Their brains are still growing.

Their emotions are still loud.

Their coping skills are still forming.

A tough moment doesn’t mean they’re “bad.”

It means they’re human, learning, stretching, trying.

21/11/2025

Presence over presents 🎁

At Better Me Better Us, we believe the greatest gift you can offer is your time, your attention, and your genuine connection.

As we head into the festive season, let’s slow down, show up fully, and create moments that matter.

19/11/2025

Don’t Expect You From Others

We are all different!
Different attachment styles.
Different temperaments.
Different lived experiences.
Different skills, strengths, and ways of coping.

So when someone reacts differently than you would…
or doesn’t communicate the way you do or struggles with something that feels simple to you remember this:
They aren’t you and that’s okay.

And rather than assuming what someone wants or needs…ask.

A simple, “How can I support you?” or “What do you need right now?” can transform connection and prevent misunderstanding.

Understanding our differences makes relationships smoother, conversations kinder, and expectations more realistic.

It creates space for patience, curiosity, and compassion for ourselves and the people around us.

We grow better when we stop expecting others to think, feel, or behave the way we do.

18/11/2025

Lauren Whiting is recruiting participants for her research project as part of the Educational Psychology Doctorate at the University of East Anglia.

Her research explores the educational experiences of children and young people with a diagnosis of FASD in mainstream secondary schools, hoping to provide these young people a voice in matters affecting them.

Parents and carers can email Lauren at lauren.whiting@uea.ac.uk if you are interested in your child/the child you care for taking part and she can send you some additional information.

17/11/2025

Why “Say What You See” Matters 👀

When we’re talking about behaviour or thinking about making a safeguarding referral, it really helps to describe things just as they are. No guessing, no assuming , just what you saw, heard, or noticed.

Keeping it simple and factual means everyone understands the same thing. It stops confusion, avoids misunderstandings, and helps the right people take the right action quickly.