Better Me Better Us

22/01/2026

I couldn’t resist buying Sarah Dillon Author and Therapeutic Parenting Consultant new book, Inside Big Me Lives a Little Me, when I saw it (even though I’m trying to buy less books!!!)

It’s a great little book with very few words, yet it carries a powerful message.

For many of the fostered or adopted children we support, they may now be living in a safe home with safe adults. On a cognitive level, they might know they are safe. But the wounded inner child, the part of them that experienced trauma, neglect, or hurt, still lives inside and doesn’t yet feel that safety.

This book gently illustrates how those early experiences remain present and why children need time, understanding, and support to process what they’ve been through. Only then can they begin to truly engage with and accept the love and care that’s being offered to them.

14/01/2026

When children are overwhelmed, they borrow calm from the adults around them.

Children do not learn how to manage big emotions by being told to calm down. They learn by watching how adults respond when things are hard. A calm adult helps a child’s body feel safer, slows everything down, and makes emotions easier to manage. This is not about being silent or ignoring behaviour. It is about being steady, controlled and present.

When adults become overwhelmed, children often feel it too. They may get louder, more distressed, or shut down. This is not bad behaviour. It is a stress response. Calm adults help children learn that strong feelings can be handled, that problems do not need panic, and that support is available in hard moments.

Staying calm does not mean you never feel frustrated. It means you pause, breathe, and respond in a way that keeps everyone safe. Over time, this helps children build trust, self-control and emotional strength that lasts far beyond the moment.

Comment "CALM" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

13/01/2026

13/01/2026

💫 NEW PODCAST OUT NOW 💫

First podcast of 2026…

Episode 32 - Own It

In this episode we explore the responsibility adults and professionals carry to own their behaviours, words, and actions, especially when working with children. From everyday interactions to moments of conflict and repair, we unpack why accountability is not about perfection, but integrity.

We discuss how children learn more from what we model than what we say, why owning mistakes builds trust and emotional safety, and how this is especially vital in fostering and adoption, where many children have experienced broken promises and unmet accountability.

🎧 https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-adoption-and-fostering-podcast/id1164600703?i=1000744945481

As always you can connect with us through the following -

Instagram- BMBUltd
Facebook – Better Me Better Us
Email – info@bettermebetterus.co.uk

12/01/2026

Before children learn from what we say, they learn from how we live. Our behavior becomes their blueprint.

The first step is working on ourselves and owning our actions and behaviour.

11/01/2026

This is such an important read 💛

Child to parent abuse is something that’s still hugely misunderstood and often hidden behind labels like “challenging behaviour” or “bad parenting”.

In reality, it’s often rooted in unmet needs, trauma, attachment disruption, fear and overwhelm, for both the child and the parent.

What really stands out in this piece from the College of Policing is the reminder that families experiencing this are not failing they’re struggling, often in silence. Parents can feel ashamed, blamed or scared to ask for help, while children may not yet have the emotional language or regulation skills to express what’s going on underneath the behaviour.

A trauma- and attachment-focused lens helps us pause and ask:
👉 What has this child learned about safety, power and connection?
👉 What support does this family need — not just to manage behaviour, but to heal relationships?

We need more awareness, more compassion and more joined-up support across policing, education, health and social care so families don’t fall through the gaps and get the support they need and deserve.

If you work with children, young people or parents, I’d really encourage you to read this and reflect on how we can respond with curiosity, care and connection, not judgement.

Also for continued info and updates on CPA check out Al Coates posts.

Raising awareness of child to parent abuse to ensure all frontline workers can recognise signs of harmful behaviour

08/01/2026

06/01/2026

PRE RECORDED WEBINAR AVAILABLE NOW

At the end of last year we had parents and carers contacting us about running another therapeutic parenting session. This is something we plan to do but in the mean time we’ve pre-recorded a webinar for people to buy and access for 180 days.

This pre-recorded webinar is for parents who want to feel more connected, calm, and attuned in their relationship with their child. You don’t need to be dealing with trauma or have a specific diagnosis in mind, this session is about understanding behaviour with curiosity and compassion, and learning how connection can support emotional wellbeing for both you and your child.

Grounded in therapeutic parenting principles and attachment-informed thinking, the webinar gently explores how children learn to regulate their emotions through relationships and how your own regulation plays a vital role.

You will be invited to reflect on:

⭐ What attunement and therapeutic parenting really mean
⭐ Understanding emotional regulation and dysregulation
⭐ Why behaviour is communication
⭐ The importance of connection before correction
⭐ How children’s brains respond under stress
⭐ Co-regulation and calming strategies you can use day to day
⭐ The P.A.C.E. approach (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy)
⭐ The power of repair and reconnection

This session aims to put theory into practice offering tools and approaches you can begin using straight away, while also encouraging a kinder, more compassionate view of yourself as a parent. As we often say: you don’t know what you don’t know and when you do, you can do and be better.

Who is this for?
Parents and carers who want to strengthen connection, increase emotional attunement, and better understand their child’s emotional world.

03/01/2026

Every Monday noon to 1pm I host an online peer meet up for adoptive parents caring for children with challenging and/or aggressive behaviour. If you'd be interested in finding out more email me at al.coates@beaconservices.org.uk or complete this form
https://forms.office.com/e/drdn16BLZ2

30/12/2025

This free workshop will give you helpful information about managing challenging behavior and how to deal with it sensitively.

23/12/2025

Love this. North East coming together to support each other!