VLM Therapy

12/12/2025

Winter: the season where it’s dark when you wake up and dark when you finish work.

It’s so easy to slide into a low mood and lose all motivation.

So, in a moment of bravery (or madness), I signed up for the Strava challenge- 12 runs between the 1st and 25th December. I know one of the ways I get things done is if an app publicly shames me when I don’t. 😅

I may be behind but tonight, me and Nala completed run 5/12.

Nala decided she needed 27 wees, so the run was basically an interval session designed by a small sassy Chug 🐾😂

Getting outside, even in the cold and the dark gives me such a boost when I’ve done it.

12/12/2025

Christmas can be a busy, triggering and overwhelming time for many of us.

There are a few things we can do so that it feels a little less overwhelming-
🎅🏼 Know your own triggers
🎄 Plan your days through December
⛄️ Use your support network
❄️ Know your no nos!

11/12/2025

Book recommendation 📕

So many children learn to “blend in” long before they learn to be themselves. Carlos the Chameleon is a great reminder for children (and adults) that you don’t need to change your colours to be worthy of love. The right people will accept you exactly as you are.

09/12/2025

Donate if you can
👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

09/12/2025

✨ Grief & December✨

The Christmas season can elicit so many emotions, especially for those carrying loss.

Loss doesn’t always mean a death. It might be the end of a relationship, the distance of someone who was once safe, or for care-experienced people, the grief of not being with family or having the family and sense of belonging you deserved.

Grief is not just emotional, it’s held in the body and the nervous system. The holidays can stir memories, longings, and old attachment wounds. You may find yourself feeling overwhelmed, numb, disconnected, tearful, or unsure of what you “should” feel. All of these responses are normal. They are your system’s way of trying to protect you.

There is no right way to experience this Christmas season.

You are not expected to be festive when you’re hurting.

You don’t have to perform togetherness if you feel alone.

If this Christmas brings sadness, tension, or the resurfacing of unmet needs, please know, you are not difficult, broken, or “too much.” You are responding in ways that make sense given your history.

Be kind to yourself. Create the boundaries you need. Take breaks from people or traditions that feel unsafe.

07/12/2025

🎄 Shame and Christmas for Care-Experienced Children and Young People 🎄

For many care-experienced children and young people, Christmas isn’t the cosy, magical time we imagine.

It’s a season that can intensify the shame they already carry deep inside.

Young people with high shame, like Jake in Jake and His Shame Armour, often hold painful beliefs such as:

“I wasn’t kept… so there must be something wrong with me.”
“Other families celebrate together… why couldn’t mine?”
“If I get upset at Christmas, I’ll ruin everything.”
“I don’t deserve nice things anyway.”

Christmas can stir up:

✨ Memories of past Christmases
✨ Questions about birth family
✨ Grief and confusion
✨ Feeling “out of place” in foster/adoptive/kinship homes
✨ Big survival behaviours
✨ A need for their emotional armour to get even thicker

And on top of this, young people are bombarded with messages like:

“Be good for Santa!”
“Naughty or nice?”
“Only good kids get presents!”

For a young person already living with shame, these messages don’t motivate…
They confirm their deepest fear:

“I am bad.”

So this Christmas, let’s offer care-experienced children and young people something different:

🌟 No behaviour-based rewards
🌟 No naughty/nice language
🌟 Warmth over perfection
🌟 Predictability and safety
🌟 Space to feel sad, angry or overwhelmed
🌟 Reassurance that they matter, exactly as they are

Care-experienced children and young people don’t need “better behaviour” at Christmas,
they need more understanding, more softness, more connection.

Let’s help their shame armour feel a little lighter this year. 💛

Post inspired by Jake and his Shame Armour

🔗 https://amzn.eu/d/5WW8JXH

06/12/2025

For some children, particularly those with a background of trauma, the idea of a stranger, like Father Christmas, entering their home and safe space can feel frightening rather than magical.

The idea of stockings being placed in their bedroom can be unsettling and triggering. While it may seem like a harmless tradition, it’s important to consider how this might affect their sense of safety.

It’s a reminder that what brings joy to some may feel unsettling to others. This Christmas, let’s be mindful and create a sense of safety and comfort for all children.

05/12/2025

Why not get your little person (or their grown up) a copy of Jake and his Shame Armour for their stocking this Christmas?!

🔗 https://amzn.eu/d/hn3LpD2

02/12/2025

As we head into Christmas, many children are already carrying a heavy load of shame, that deep feeling of “I’m bad… I’m unlovable… something is wrong with me.”

For those children, the world doesn’t feel safe. And their shame armour is working overtime.

And then December arrives…
with “naughty or nice” lists, Santa cams, threats of presents being taken away, and constant reminders that good behaviour = being worthy of gifts and love.

For children with high levels of shame, this messaging doesn’t motivate them.

It confirms their worst fears:

❗ “I knew I was naughty.”
❗ “I don’t deserve nice things.”
❗ “Everyone else gets presents because they’re better than me.”
❗ “I mess up… so I must be bad.”

We think we’re encouraging behaviour.

But for many children, especially those with trauma, neurodiversity, or emotional vulnerability, we’re deepening shame and pushing them further into survival mode.

Just like Jake in the book, their armour gets thicker.
Their behaviour looks bigger.
And the adults around them become confused about why “Christmas is making everything worse.”

But the truth is:
Christmas amplifies shame, especially when worthiness is linked to behaviour.

Instead of “naughty or nice,” we can offer:

“You are loved no matter what.”

“Christmas is for everyone.”

“Mistakes don’t make you bad.”

“Your feelings are safe with me.”

“Presents aren’t earned, you are worthy as you are.”

When children feel safe and accepted, their armour softens, their behaviours soften and Christmas becomes something they can actually enjoy.

🔗 to buy Jake and his Shame Armour https://amzn.eu/d/iGqsNTG

02/12/2025

If you’ve noticed your child becoming more irritable, impatient, or “hooked” on screens, you’re not imagining it. Screens don’t just entertain – they rewire the brain’s reward pathways.
Here’s the cycle many children get stuck in… and why it becomes so hard to break without support.

02/12/2025

HEALTHY SCREEN HABITS

Screens can play a helpful role in a child’s life — especially for many neurodivergent children who genuinely use screens as a regulation tool, a sensory anchor, or a predictable space when the world feels overwhelming. This post is not about judgement or shame.

It is about exploring how we can support children’s wellbeing by balancing the benefits of screens with what we know about brain development, dopamine, sleep, behaviour and mental health.

Research continues to highlight the impact of heavy screen use on mood, attention, and emotional regulation, and we’re now seeing countries such as Australia moving to restrict social media access for under-16s in response to these concerns.

Healthy boundaries don’t have to be harsh. Small adjustments — like no-screen mealtimes or protecting bedtimes — can make a big difference to a young person’s nervous system, behaviour, and everyday resilience.

If you’d like the full Parent Info Sheet to go with our range of posts on this topic, comment SCREEN below and I’ll send it to you via DM.

Find all our wellbeing toolkits via the link in comments ⬇️ or through the Linktree Shop in Bio.

02/12/2025