VLM Therapy

04/03/2026

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/support-provider-discussion-about-national-model-of-adoption-support-tickets-1984461852822?utm_experiment=test_share_listing&aff=ebdsshios&sg=6267f53bb038fb101e13c0131402cab65efd7f261e92b617a7f37c8c756147c2607e55cdb4aea758813b77339863b6632ecc53e1f291f0ec43b0c184d68a8cf357e3460ad8d3b694b33c3a0790

Join us for a discussion about a potential new national model of adoption support

04/03/2026

Hard conversations don’t have to be mean conversations.

You can say what hurt you without attacking.
You can set boundaries without punishing.
You can disagree without disrespecting.

03/03/2026

This is fab training for any therapists/ counsellors

Join our 3-hour webinar and explore the transformative power of Shame Containment Theory in clinical practice. Register now!

03/03/2026

Traumatised children won’t always trust your words, they’ll be watching your actions.

You can say “you’re safe here” or “I’m a safe Mummy/Daddy” but if your behaviour doesn’t consistently match those words, trust won’t grow.

For children who have experienced trauma, safety is felt in what you do. It’s about showing up, keeping boundaries, being predictable, consistent and proving with your actions that you mean what you say.

Trust is built slowly, through consistency and care, not promises and words alone!

23/02/2026

What was your experience of shame growing up?

Did someone rush in to fix it for you?
Were you told to “stop being silly”?
Were you ignored… or made to feel worse?

Your relationship with shame will shape how you respond to it in children.

When a child feels shame, many adults instinctively try to:
✨ rescue it
✨ distract from it
✨ shut it down
✨ smooth it over

Not because they don’t care, but because sitting with shame is uncomfortable.
Especially if no one ever sat with yours.

In Jake and His Shame Armour, shame isn’t the enemy.
It’s a message.
A signal.
A protector trying to keep a child safe from feeling “too much”.

When we rush to remove shame, we miss a powerful learning moment:
🧠 learning what shame feels like
❤️ learning they’re still accepted
🗣 learning how to talk about it
🤝 learning they don’t have to be alone with it

Instead of:
“Don’t feel like that.”
Try:
“I can see you feel embarrassed. That makes sense. I’m here.”

Instead of fixing:
Try naming, staying, and connecting.

For parents, teachers, therapists, social workers:
Your work with children will always be shaped by your own story.
Reflecting on your relationship with shame is not a weakness, it’s a professional and relational strength.

Shame isn’t something to avoid.
It’s something to understand, regulate, and repair, together.

20/02/2026

20/02/2026

Love your pet day!

I didn’t have a dog until I was an adult and now I can’t imagine life without one. They’re the best and my little therapy dogs. The unconditional love is exactly what you need after a tricky day at work.

17/02/2026

Last week I had the chance to attend the conference and meet so many adopters and professionals. One theme kept coming up in conversations: blame and shame. It’s something I’ve been drawn to for a while, especially since my friend and colleague Lisa Etherson shared her Shame Containment Theory with me.

Shame seems to sit quietly underneath so much of the adoption journey. It shows up in different places and at different times, often without words.

For some adopters, there is shame about not being able to have biological children. Birth parents can feel shame for not being able to continue caring for their child. Many adopted children already carry such a heavy load of shame, growing up feeling unlovable or bad, and any further shaming, even when unintentional, can overwhelm them and trigger those protective survival behaviours we so often see.

Then, as time goes on and trauma surfaces, new layers of shame can emerge. Adoptive parents can feel that all the preparation and training should have prepared them for the reality. There is the shame of struggling. The shame of noticing how secondary trauma lives in their own bodies and relationships. The shame of thinking they are failing their child.

When things reach a crisis point, or social workers become involved, the shame can deepen even further. Families can feel exposed, needing to explain and justify difficulties, sometimes having to revisit painful early life stories to help others understand what is happening now. Social workers and professionals can also carry their own shame, wanting to offer more than systems allow, and sometimes becoming defensive when they feel powerless, even when their care is genuine.

Shame thrives in silence. It grows when experiences feel misunderstood, when behaviours are labelled without curiosity, and when people feel blamed rather than held. But when shame is named gently and met with compassion instead of judgement, something begins to soften.

16/02/2026

You can’t empathise with someone while putting their experience on trial.

Empathy isn’t interrogation.

It’s allowing someone’s feelings to exist without needing to correct them.

13/02/2026

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the first ever PATCH - Passionate Adopters Targeting Change - with Hope Conference - a room packed with passion and commitment from both adopters and professionals, all united in driving meaningful change for children who have experienced trauma.

Thank you to .evans2002, Ky, and the other young people who so bravely shared their lived experiences. Their words were a powerful reminder of why change is important.

I was honoured (and shocked) to be invited to join the professional panel alongside such respected experts in the field, Nigel Priestley (Senior Partner at Ridley and Hall), Emily Frith (CEO of Adoption England) and Dr. Claire Agius.

There were so many powerful takeaways and moments to reflect on throughout the day. Al Coates raised the important question: What can we each individually do to overcome the barriers to change?

It was great to finally meet so many people in person. Individuals I’ve connected with on here and admired from afar Helen Willis Sarah Fry The Belay Foundation

Finally, having known Fiona Wells for a number of years, I continue to be amazed (but not surprised) by the impact she is making and her determination to create change. You should be extremely proud of yesterdays event!

Looking forward to seeing what comes next.

13/02/2026

Have you ever wondered what a might be, and whether finding one might help your family?

Find out more!

The inside story on SSWs is here on our website: https://thebelayfoundation.org.uk/trauma-responsive-support/