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Accanto Counselling, Newton Abbot (2025)

10/11/2025

✨🎧 When Your Internal Family Goes 8D 🎧✨

Have you ever listened to 8D music on headphones? It's extraordinary, sound moves around you in three-dimensional space, activating parts of your brain that flat stereo never touches. Suddenly music isn't just in front of you, it's everywhere, alive, moving, dimensional.

This is what IFS can feel like.

Before parts work, our internal experience can feel flat, compressed onto a single plane. ‘I'm anxious.’ ‘I'm angry.’ ‘I'm fine.’ One dominant part drowns out everything else, and we think that's the whole story.

Then we start getting curious... 🧐

And suddenly there's ‘space’ inside us. Depth. Dimension.

That anxiety isn't just ‘anxiety,’ it's a protective part up front, trying to keep us safe. But listen closer and there's a young part way in the back, carrying old fear. And over to the side? A part that actually feels excited about the thing the anxious part is worried about. And that steady, grounded presence at the centre? That's Self, able to hear them all.

Parts that were background noise suddenly come alive:

• The creative part that's been waiting quietly for years
• The playful part that got told to ‘be serious’
• The angry part that learned it wasn't safe to speak
• The tender part that's been protecting itself by staying small

When Self is present, something magical happens:

Like that moment in 8D music when all the different layers start moving together in perfect coordination, your parts begin to dance. Not fighting for dominance, not drowning each other out, but each contributing their unique presence to the whole symphony.

The anxious part can relax a little because it knows the grounded part is there. The young part feels safe to emerge because the protective parts aren't having to work alone. The creative part gets space because the critical part isn't monopolising the soundscape.

Life stops feeling flat.

You discover you're not just one dimensional, you're actually an entire internal orchestra, and every part has something essential to contribute. Some parts need to be louder sometimes, some softer, but they're all part of the rich, spatial, alive experience of being you.

A gentle invitation:

Close your eyes for a moment. Can you sense the different parts of you? Not just the loudest one, but the whole internal landscape? What's in front? What's further back? What's been waiting to be noticed?

Your internal family is already there, already moving. IFS just helps you put on the headphones and really ‘hear’ them, in full, beautiful, dimensional sound.

28/10/2025

Where Do Your Parts Hang Out?🏠

Ever notice how some parts are ‘very’ obvious to the outside world, while others operate entirely in the privacy of your own mind?
Welcome to the wonderful chaos of your internal family's social dynamics!

‘The Extroverts’ (Everyone Sees These):

The People-Pleaser who says "Yes, of course I can help!" while the
Exhausted Part internally screams
- The Perfectionist who rewrites emails seventeen times
- The Social Butterfly who charms everyone at parties
- The Responsible One who always volunteers to organise things

‘The Introverts’ (Nobody Knows They're Here):

- The Inner Critic having a full commentary track on everything you do
- The Anxious Part catastrophising about tomorrow, next week, and 2027
- The Part That Wants to Run Away and Live in a Cottage in Scotland
- The Creative Dreamer planning novels you'll ‘definitely’ 😉 write someday

‘The Complicated Roommates’

Some parts absolutely refuse to be in the same room together. Like the:

- I Need Rest part and the
- You're So Lazy part (they do NOT get along at parties) the
- Be Vulnerable part and the
- Never Show Weakness part (awkward family dinners) the
- Treat Yourself part and the
- You Can't Afford That part (constant debates)

Here's the fascinating bit:

Parts can show up internally, externally, or both - and they're constantly negotiating who gets stage time.
Your Confident Part might show up at work while your Insecure Part provides live internal commentary.
Your Calm Part might present to the world while your Panicked Part runs around backstage with a clipboard.

Why this matters:

Understanding where and how your parts show up helps you recognise their patterns.
That way, when your Sarcastic Part makes a joke externally while your Sensitive Part cringes internally, you can acknowledge both instead of wondering why you feel so contradictory.

‘Your parts are having a full-time party in there.’
Some are mingling with the outside world, some are hiding in the kitchen, and some are arguing about whether they should even be at this party.

And that's completely normal! 🎉😆

20/10/2025

Self: The Compass in the Unknown 🧭

Sometimes our parts find themselves heading into unfamiliar territory,
a life transition,
a difficult conversation,
new healing work,
or simply facing the uncertain future.
The anxious parts start scanning for danger.
The controlling parts try to map out every possible outcome.
The young parts might feel scared and want to turn back.

Here's what parts often don't realise:

They're not navigating alone.
Self isn't necessarily leading the expedition with a detailed map and itinerary,
but Self is holding the compass.
Self always knows where true North is.

What this means:

Even when we don't know what's coming, even when the path ahead is unclear, Self can orient us toward our values,
our groundedness,
our authentic direction.
Self doesn't promise to eliminate the unknown, but it offers something steadier:
an internal reference point that doesn't shift with circumstances.

When parts trust Self with the compass:

• The anxious part doesn't have to predict every danger
• The controlling part can relax its grip on outcomes
• The young parts can be curious about the journey rather than terrified
• The whole system can move forward, even without certainty

True North isn't about knowing the future, it's about staying connected to what matters most: Compassion, Curiosity, Courage, Clarity, Calm, Confidence, Creativity, and Connectedness. These qualities of Self remain constant, even when everything else feels unstable.

A gentle reminder:
Your parts don't need to have all the answers before taking the next step. They just need to trust that Self is holding the compass, always able to find true North, your authentic centre, no matter how unfamiliar the terrain.

The unknown is still unknown.

But you're not lost.

13/10/2025

The Two Sides of My Personality (And All the Others Too!) 🎭
(Credit to whoever first captured the pic below)

This image perfectly encapsulates something we may all experience at some time, the dramatic contrasts within us.
Pictured here is the edgy rebel and the peaceful monk.
The chaos and the calm.
The one who wants to burn it all down and the one who seeks serenity.
And yes, these parts deeply resonate with my system! 😆

Parts by the way, can come in all shapes and sizes, gendered or genderless, as creatures, textures colours or however they personally register with you.

Here's what IFS teaches us:

We're not just two sides, we're an entire internal family.
There's a part that may crave adventure and a part that might need routine.
A social butterfly perhaps and the hermit.
A perfectionist and a spontaneous free spirit.
A cynic and an optimist.
A warrior and a gentle soul.

And the truth?

These seemingly contradictory parts don't have to be at war.
They can actually coexist, cooperate, and even complement each other when Self is leading.

The edgy part doesn't have to destroy the peaceful part.
The monk doesn't have to suppress the rebel.
Instead, they can take turns, each offering their unique gifts when the situation calls for it.

What this looks like in practice:

• The fierce protector part and the tender caregiver can both have their place
• A driven achiever and a rest loving part can learn to work together
• A serious, responsible part and a playful part can share space in your life

The goal isn't to pick one side or eliminate the ‘bad’ parts - there are of course no bad parts in IFS.
The hope, perhaps is Self leadership, where all parts feel heard, valued, and trusted to contribute their strengths without taking over the whole system.

A reflection:

What seemingly opposite parts live inside you?
What would it be like if they didn't have to compete, but could collaborate?

Your internal diversity isn't a problem to solve! it's the richness of being fully human.
All your parts belong. 💫

06/10/2025

‘This author has a bad case of himself...’ 📚

I came across this Amazon review recently and it made me laugh out loud,
because aren't we all sometimes accused (by our own parts!) of having ‘a bad case of ourselves’?

The Inner Critic's favourite lines:

• ‘Who do you think you are?’
• ‘You're being too much’
• ‘Stop showing off’
• ‘You need to tone it down’
• ‘Nobody wants to hear all that’

There's often a part of us, perhaps a protective manager part, that's deeply worried we're
taking up too much space,
being too visible, or
expressing ourselves too freely.
This part may have learned somewhere that being ‘too much yourself’ is unsafe.

What this part might really be protecting:

Young parts that were shamed for their enthusiasm, creativity, or authentic expression.
Maybe you were told to be quieter, smaller, more modest.
Maybe being fully yourself led to rejection or ridicule.

So now there's a part that acts like an internal Amazon reviewer, critiquing every time you dare to be authentically, unapologetically you.

Here's the truth Self knows:

The world doesn't need less of you, it invites you to stop apologising for being yourself.
Your ‘bad case of yourself’ might actually be your greatest gift trying to emerge.

A gentle question for your inner critic:

What if the parts of you that feel ‘too much’ are actually exactly right?
What if the world needs your particular flavour of enthusiasm, passion, creativity, or perspective?

Your authentic self isn't a disease to cure, it's the medicine the world might be crying out for right now.

Go ahead, have a gloriously bad case of yourself. 💫

29/09/2025

I don’t know about you, but music plays (excuse the pun!) a large part in my life.

My playlists look a little strange because my parts have such differing tastes.
Often they can express themselves in a happy, loud and energetic track and at other times they might want to sit quietly and listen to something sad and reflective.

The track I’ve used below has been a favourite of mine for many years. The sound alone, for me, speaks of Summer memories, and of sun.

🎵 Song for the Part That’s Ready to Grow

“Bloom” by The Paper Kites

This tender, acoustic song speaks to the part of us that’s been waiting - perhaps in the shadows, perhaps feeling stuck, but is finally ready to unfold.
There’s something about the gentle melody and soft vocals that feels like an invitation rather than a demand.

Which parts might connect:

• The part that’s been protecting itself by staying small
• Young parts that are ready to trust again
• The creative part that’s been waiting for permission to emerge
Parts that have been in survival mode and are sensing it might be safe to bloom

Why this song works for parts work:
The song captures that delicate moment when something inside us shifts from hiding to emerging.
It doesn’t rush the process, there’s patience in the music itself, like it understands that blooming happens in its own time.

Reflection invitation:

What part of you feels ready to bloom?
What would that part need to feel safe enough to unfold?

What songs help your parts feel safe to emerge?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8inJtTG_DuU

22/09/2025

📣 Su***de Prevention Month is recognised in September.
It can serve as a reminder that we all have a role in supporting those struggling with

**‘Do You Have 8 Minutes?’

When Parts Hesitate to Reach Out ⏰

Sometimes the most profound healing happens not in grand gestures,
but in simple moments of genuine connection.

The 8-Minute Help Challenge reminds us that when someone is struggling,
they don’t always need solutions, they just need to feel seen and heard.

The beautiful simplicity:
When someone asks ‘Do you have 8 minutes?’ they’re signalling they need your undivided attention.
Not advice.
Not fixing.
Just presence.
Eight minutes of putting down your phone, closing the laptop, and truly being with them.

But here’s what often happens inside us:
There’s usually a part that hesitates before reaching out. This part might whisper:
‘You’re being a burden,’
‘They’re too busy,’
‘Your problems aren’t that important,’ or
‘You should be able to handle this alone.’

This protective part learned somewhere along the way that asking for help isn’t safe,
maybe your needs were dismissed, or you were told to be strong, or you experienced disappointment when you reached out before.

When Self steps in:
Self can gently acknowledge this hesitant part:
‘I see how you’re trying to protect us from rejection or disappointment.
That makes sense given what we’ve experienced.’
From Self, we can also recognise:
‘And… we deserve connection.
We deserve to be heard.
Eight minutes isn’t too much to ask for.’

What happens when we reach out anyway:

🕑 Someone feels permission to be vulnerable
🕥 The weight of isolation lifts, even briefly
🕘 We discover that people often want to help, they just didn’t know we were struggling
🕟 Our hesitant part learns that reaching out can actually be safe

A gentle reminder: Your struggles matter.
The part of you that hesitates to reach out has been trying to protect you,
but maybe it’s ready to discover that you deserve those eight minutes of genuine care.

**Inspired by Simon Sinek and The Optimism Company’s 8-Minute Help Challenge

18/08/2025

‘When Our Internal Family Finds Its Strength’ 💪

Sometimes our parts have been working overtime because the external world hasn't felt safe. When we've experienced abuse, neglect, or ongoing harm, our internal system adapts, parts take on roles they were never meant to carry alone.

Protective parts might become hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger. Young parts might go into hiding, carrying pain and fear in isolation. Manager parts might work exhaustingly hard to control every variable, believing safety depends entirely on their vigilance.

Here's what can shift in IFS therapy:

Parts that have been carrying the full weight of survival start to realise they're not alone anymore. The hypervigilant part discovers there's now an external ally (your therapist) helping to create safety. The parts that went into hiding begin to sense that someone trustworthy is standing guard.

When protective parts feel genuinely supported, not just told to ‘relax’ but actually experiencing sincere backup, something profound happens. They can start to ease their death grip on control. They begin to trust that Self can lead, knowing there's now a safety net.

This is when the real healing work becomes possible. When parts no longer have to spend all their energy on basic survival, they can turn their attention to processing, integrating, and reclaiming the fullness of who you are.

The shift can look like:

• Protective parts discovering they have an ally, not just another threat to manage
• Exiled parts sensing it might finally be safe enough to share their stories
• Self getting space to emerge and lead with the groundedness that comes from genuine safety
• The whole system learning what it feels like to not be carrying everything alone

This work takes time. Parts need to test whether this new support is real and lasting. But when they discover it is - when they feel truly backed up rather than abandoned to cope alone - that's when transformation becomes possible.

11/08/2025

The Part That Carries Hope 🌱

In our internal family, there’s often a part that holds something precious - HOPE.

This part might be quiet sometimes, especially when life feels heavy, but it’s there.
It’s the part that whispers ‘maybe tomorrow will be different’ when today feels impossible.

This hopeful part might show up as:

~The voice that says ‘let’s try one more time’
~The feeling that stirs when you see a sunrise or hear a favourite song
~The part that keeps you moving toward healing, even when progress feels slow
~The gentle nudge to reach out for support when you’re struggling

Sometimes other parts try to protect this hopeful part by hiding it away.
Our inner critics might say hope is naïve, or our wounded parts might fear that hoping leads to disappointment.
These protective responses make sense, hope can feel vulnerable.
But when we’re in Self we can appreciate both the wisdom of our protective parts AND the gift of our hopeful part.
We can honour the courage it takes to keep believing in possibility, even in the face of difficulty.

A gentle invitation: Take a moment to thank the part of you that carries hope.
What does this part want you to know today?
How might it want to be honoured or given more space?

Your hopeful part is not naïve, it’s wise.
It sees beyond what is, toward what could be.
And that vision is part of what keeps us moving toward healing and growth.

04/08/2025

Learning to Dance with Life’s Shifting Sand

Our parts really, really want guarantees.

They scan the horizon looking for solid ground, something they can count on staying the same.
Your Planning part wants to know exactly how things will unfold.
Your Security part is constantly checking
‘Are we safe?
Is this stable?
Can we trust this?’
And honestly? You can’t blame them.
They’ve been working so hard to create predictability in an unpredictable world.
But here’s what I’ve noticed:
When we’re always grasping for firm ground, we can miss out on the aliveness that comes from learning to flow with change.
Life is a bit like shifting sand, isn’t it?
The moment we think we’ve got it all figured out, something shifts.

What if, instead of fighting that reality, we could find a different kind of stability?
Self has this amazing capacity to be like a tree with deep roots, flexible enough to bend with the wind but grounded in something that doesn’t depend on external circumstances staying the same.
When Self is present, parts can feel that steady internal foundation even when everything around them is moving.
From that grounded place, we can start to lean into uncertainty with curiosity instead of fear.
We can ask,
‘What wants to emerge here?
What am I being invited to learn or become?’
Instead of just trying to survive the changes, we get to discover what it means to actually thrive within them.
Your parts might be hesitant at first. Change has probably felt scary before. But when they feel Self’s steady presence, they often discover they’re way more resilient and adaptable than they ever imagined. They start to trust that even if the ground is shifting, they’re not going to fall through the cracks.
What’s it like for you when you stop gripping so tightly to how things ‘should’ be?
Have you found that internal steadiness that lets you dance with life’s changes?
Ready to discover the unshakeable ground that lives within you?
Let’s explore what it means to thrive, not just survive 💙

28/07/2025

Your Internal Sanctuary

Did you know you carry a sanctuary with you everywhere you go? Not just as a nice metaphor, but as an actual inner space that belongs entirely to you.

In IFS, we talk about Self having this incredible ability to create what feels like a sacred internal space. A place where you can retreat, breathe, and just… be. It might look different for everyone. Maybe it’s a cosy log cabin in the middle of a forest, a sun drenched beach, or even just a feeling of vast, open sky. Some people experience it as warmth in their chest, others as a sense of coming home to themselves.

Here’s what’s beautiful about this sanctuary, your parts know about it too. When they’re feeling overwhelmed or scared or just exhausted from all their hard work, they can come here. It’s like having a safe room in your inner world where parts can rest without having to be ‘on’ or performing their usual jobs.

Picture your part that carries anxiety finally setting down that heavy bag of concerns it’s been carrying. Or the part that brings anger occasionally, getting to just… exhale, knowing it doesn’t have to fight right now. In the sanctuary, parts remember what it feels like to be held by something bigger and more peaceful than whatever crisis they’ve been managing.

And you? You get to be the loving host of this space. Self naturally knows how to welcome parts here with such tenderness. ‘Come and sit by the fire. You’ve been working so hard. What do you need right now?’

The amazing thing is, this sanctuary isn’t something you have to build or earn, it’s already there, waiting. Sometimes life gets so loud and chaotic that we forget it exists. But it’s always there, this quiet place of refuge within you, ready to offer rest and restoration whenever you remember to come home to yourself.

Have you discovered your internal sanctuary? What does it feel like when you and your parts find that sacrosanct space within?

Ready to explore the peaceful refuge that lives within you? I’d love to help you find your way home to yourself 💙

Accanto Counselling

10/11/2025

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