Rebecca Vivash Counselling

17/11/2025

We’re taught that love should feel overwhelming. That it should consume us. That we should fight for it, prove ourselves worthy of it, work endlessly to keep it.

But sometimes what we’re calling “love” is actually our nervous system trying to resolve something from our past.

If you’ve ever felt that electric pull toward someone who felt familiar in ways you couldn’t quite name... or found yourself over-giving, over-explaining, or quickly forgiving behaviour that hurt you...you’re probably experiencing what happens when old wounds mistake chaos for connection.

Trauma bonds can feel deeply compelling because they tap into our earliest templates of love - the ones written when we were too young to know that love shouldn’t require us to abandon ourselves.

Swipe through to explore five patterns that often get mistaken for love, and what they’re really signalling.
This isn’t about shame. It’s about recognising the difference between what feels familiar and what feels safe. Between intensity and intimacy. Between proving your worth and knowing it already.

You deserve relationships that feel steady, not just strong. That feel nourishing, not just necessary.
Save this post if you need the reminder. And if this resonates, I’d love to hear which slide landed most for you - drop a number below 💬

09/11/2025

Unpopular opinions I’ve gathered after 10 years as a relationship trauma therapist:

After a decade of sitting with people healing from emotional abuse, I’ve noticed some truths that might be uncomfortable to hear, but they’re also the ones that help people start to really heal.

🔸 “Just leave” isn’t helpful advice. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, not a moment. Most people leave an average of seven times before it sticks and there’s no shame in that.

🔸 Healing isn’t linear. You’re not “taking too long.” Your nervous system has been through a lot, and it needs time to feel safe again.

🔸 You don’t need closure from them. I know it’s tempting to wait for that last conversation or apology, but closure is something you create for yourself.

🔸 Being “too sensitive” was your body trying to protect you. You were responding to a painful situation, not overreacting to life.

🔸 You’re not broken. What happened to you caused an injury, not a flaw in your personality. There’s a huge difference.

🔸 Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is stop trying to understand why they did it. Not everything deserves your energy, especially not someone who chose to hurt you.

✨ If this feels familiar and you’re wondering what healing could look like for you, you can book a free therapy call via the link in the comments. ⬇️

01/10/2025

🌿 October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

So many people experiencing coercive control and emotional abuse don’t say “I’m being abused.” They say, “I feel like I’m going crazy” or “I can’t stop replaying what happened.”

In my latest blog, I explore the subtle ways abuse shows up in daily life - the second-guessing, the quiet undermining, the fear of speaking up, and how therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, feel calmer, and start trusting your own voice again.

Get in touch via the link in the comments 👇

When people come to me for counselling, they don’t usually sit down and say, “I’m being abused.” What I’m more likely to hear is, “I feel like I’m going mad”, or “I can’t cope with feeling this anxious”.That’s what coercive control does. It doesn’t always look like shouting...

14/08/2025

Really enjoyed contributing to Hello! Magazine about why playful affection often signals safety and trust in a relationship 🧡

12/08/2025

People-pleasing, over-apologising, second-guessing - these aren’t flaws or weaknesses. They’re survival strategies you learned when connection felt conditional. Healing rebuilds safety, so your voice can return.

17/06/2025

Emotional abuse often goes unseen, but its effects can be long-lasting and deeply felt.

In this blog, I talk about how these experiences shape us and why understanding them matters.

If it speaks to you, I hope it helps.

On the outside, you seem calm and capable, maybe even the person others rely on. You’re thoughtful, you show up and you get things done. But inside, there’s often a deep unease, where you question yourself constantly, apologise for things that aren’t your fault. Maybe you replay conversations ...

24/05/2025

So grateful to receive these kind words - it was my privilege to support this lovely client 💟

22/05/2025

Reflective journaling creates space to notice patterns in your thoughts, reactions, and beliefs. It helps you step back from automatic responses, understand where your stress or people-pleasing habits come from, and make more intentional choices.

Pause and check in with yourself. These reflection prompts are here to help you build inner safety, soften old patterns, and reconnect with your authentic self.

16/05/2025

Do you find yourself constantly tuning in to the moods of those around you, sensing even the slightest shift, and feeling an undercurrent of anxiety when someone seems distant or upset, even if it’s not about you?

This experience often comes from what I call 'Emotional Vigiliance' - a deep, sometimes unconscious habit of scanning other people’s feelings to keep yourself safe or to prevent conflict.

For many, this pattern takes root early in life, often in environments where emotional safety was fragile or unpredictable. You learn that your own peace depends on the emotional state of others, that if someone else is uneasy, danger might be near.

Over time, this hyper-awareness can become exhausting. It blurs the lines between what’s truly yours to carry and what belongs to someone else. You might feel responsible for fixing others’ feelings or smoothing over tensions, even at the cost of your own wellbeing.

Even if these patterns have been with you for years, it’s still possible to shift how you relate to yourself and others. You don’t need to become less caring or dial down your empathy, you just start to understand what’s yours to hold, and what isn’t, and how to stay steady in that space.

If you're finding it difficult to understand where your emotional boundaries are, or you feel overwhelmed by the emotional needs of others, either I or one of my team of expert therapists can work with you to unpack what's going on and help you find steadier ground.

Contact us here https://www.rebeccavivashcounselling.com/contact-3

12/05/2025

Trauma bonding can look like:

- Cycles of intense connection followed by emotional withdrawal
- Confusion about what’s real or who you can trust
- Staying in relationships that leave you depleted, yet somehow still hopeful.

As a therapist, I often support people in untangling these painful patterns. Therapy can offer the safety and space to:

🧠 Understand how early experiences shaped your sense of connection
🪞 Validate your story and feelings (especially the parts you've second-guessed)
🔁 Uncover patterns, process trauma, and rebuild trust in your own judgement, so future relationships feel less chaotic and more secure.

This work takes time, gentleness, and support, but it’s absolutely possible.

📧 contact@rebeccavivashcounselling.com

02/05/2025

Have you ever said “I just don’t like to upset people” while quietly abandoning your own needs?

That urge to be agreeable, easy going, always available?
That’s not your personality.
That’s your nervous system doing what it had to do.

It’s called the fawn response, a trauma pattern where we move toward connection to avoid danger, discomfort, or disapproval.

You might:
• Say yes when you mean no
• Struggle to express anger or set boundaries
• Worry more about being liked than being honest

It’s not weakness. It’s survival.
And you don’t have to live this way forever.

Can you relate? What’s one way you’ve started choosing yourself, even when it felt hard?