18/11/2025
From the wonderful Sarah Dillon Author and Therapeutic Parenting Consultant
When screens replace parents
When a child experiences early life trauma especially neglect or a lack of consistent, attuned caregiving, their nervous system develops without the foundation of safety that comes from a responsive adult. Babies depend on coregulation: an adult’s presence, voice, touch, and emotional steadiness help shape the brain’s ability to manage stress, form relationships, and feel secure.
When these early needs are not met, a child grows up searching for something to calm their internal distress.
In many cases, screens become the quickest substitute.
Phones and tablets offer constant stimulation, predictable reactions, and fast rewards. For a child who has not experienced enough soothing, relational connection, the screen can feel easier and safer than relying on people. They begin using it to self-regulate, not because it is healthy, but because it is the only source of consistent feedback they can find.
However, screen use is not a healthy replacement for human connection.
It does not support the brain systems that develop through eye contact, shared attention, touch, and emotional presence. Screens provide dopamine-driven stimulation, not the oxytocin and relational cues that build secure attachment. Instead of strengthening the brain’s capacity for self-regulation, excessive screen dependence can interfere with social development, emotional growth, and healthy stress responses.
When the screen is taken away, the child’s distress may be intense. The meltdown often mirrors the early experience of being left without comfort, because the device has become their main source of emotional relief. Their reaction is not entitlement, it’s a sign of a nervous system that never learned to settle with human support.
The essential message is this:
Screens CANNOT and should not fill the developmental role of a caregiver.
They are not a neutral tool for a child with early trauma; they actively get in the way of the connection, attunement, and relational safety the child desperately needs.
What the child is truly longing for is an available adult, someone who can offer consistent presence, emotional co-regulation, and the kind of nurturing that builds the brain pathways screens can never replace.
Human connection heals.
Screens do not.