Lottie Passell-Syms

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United Kingdom
Otterbourne
Lottie Passell-Syms

I work with couples and individuals to address relationship challenges such as communication, intimacy and s*xual concerns.

I provide a confidential and supportive space so clients can strengthen connection and move towards more fulfilling relationships. About Me
I have experience working across a broad variety of issues and difficulties that include: relationship difficulties, stress, anxiety and depression, s*x and intimacy issues, s*xual dysfunction in both men and women, low self esteem, specific age and stage related issues. As well as s*xual abuse, addiction, infidelity and childhood trauma. I have a vast array of tools, techniques and templates for all manner of issues, that have proven to be incredibly beneficial in repairing and healing the lives of those I have worked with. How I Work

I am here to work through your goals whether that is to increase passion and pleasure in your relationship, communicate openly with ease or reconnect with yourself and partner. Of course, at its heart, therapy is about forming a relationship, working with a person you can both trust and build a rapport which is vital. I would also say it is probably the most important element of successful therapy. I describe myself as a progressive therapist who generates change. The focus will be coming out of crisis to develop a new contract which will allow for a healthier happier relationship. Individual and couples therapies are available by appointment, as well as via FaceTime and Zoom. As a member of the National Counselling Society (NCS) and College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) I adhere to their Code of Ethics and practice guidelines.

08/12/2025

(The names have been changed)

Anna and Tom arrived in therapy feeling stuck in a familiar pattern:

Anna worried that Tom was emotionally distant. Tom felt that when he expressed his needs, they somehow “disappeared” into the relationship.

Together we explored the idea of differentiation, the capacity to stay connected while staying yourself.

At first, this was confusing for them: Anna associated individuality with abandonment; Tom associated closeness with giving up too much of himself.

Over weeks of work, they began to recognise three truths:

The “I” matters. Each partner needs space to feel, want, and think independently.
The “We” matters. The relationship also has its own identity, values, and needs.
Alignment happens when both are honoured. Not a compromise that shrinks each person, but a shared direction that includes them both.

By learning to express their “I” clearly and listen to the other’s “I” without fear, they created a stronger “We”, one that didn’t swallow them. Inter-dependant opposed to co-dependant.

Their relationship didn’t become perfect; it became real, resilient, and more honest.

-

Now taking bookings for COUPLES INTENSIVES starting in January 2026 - follow the website link below:

https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/couples-intensives

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

05/12/2025

While this season is wrapped in messages of joy and harmony, many couples quietly find it one of the most emotionally complex times of the year.

Expectations collide with reality, old family patterns reappear, and the pressure to “be festive” can make communication feel tighter rather than more open.

Instead of the usual seasonal advice, I want to offer something simpler: the invitation to talk to each other - not for problem-solving or negotiating logistics but to connect with curiosity.

-

IMAGO DIALOGUE Made Easy in 3 Steps
The structure protects you both from spiralling into old patterns. It helps you stay connected to the human curiosity behind the words.

- The Emotion is worry (anxiety)
- The Mantra is What I hear you say is
- The Empathy - I understand what do you need from me.

Here’s an example:

1. MIRRORING
Partner A: “I’m feeling worried as we head toward Christmas.” Repeat back completely (the sentence needs to be small)

Partner B: “What I hear you saying is that you’re feeling worried as we head toward Christmas… is there more?”

Partner A "No that’s it" - there could be more, so repeat the sentence again, then Partner B repeats back

2. VALIDATION:
“Given everything happening, it makes sense that you’d feel that way.” What do you need from me? (Shows intimacy)

3. EMPATHY:
“I imagine that feels heavy and lonely at times.”

If there is more carry it on, small sentence repeats back and only one topic at a time.

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

03/12/2025

Remember to honour your own feelings because validation begins with ourselves.

If we don’t acknowledge our emotions, it’s very difficult for a partner to do so. Notice when you’re tempted to push your feelings aside or label them as ‘wrong.’

Instead, try pausing and say to yourself:

‘Right now, I’m feeling…’
‘This emotion makes sense because…

By naming the emotion and linking it to your experience, you ground it in reality.

We can also connect to our logical mind and ask ourselves: 'am I in the past or the here and now', this will give you an understanding of the family of origin template, if the past is working for you in the now and you need to find that space for the conscious you in the here and now.

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

01/12/2025

Therapists, you already hold individuals through love, loss, and transformation… but when two nervous systems walk into the room, everything changes.

Working with couples asks us to hold complexity with even more clarity, courage, and containment.

That’s why I created The Playbook: The Comprehensive Guide to Working with Couples.

In this training, I share my Five Pillars of Assessment, the method I’ve developed and refined over two decades of working with couples.

It’s the foundation for everything that follows, helping you begin the work with safety, structure, and deep understanding.

I’ll take you step-by-step through how to assess, contract, hold, teach, and lead couples effectively

…and how to grow your practice with the mindset, money, and marketing tools that support you as a therapist.

💫 Early-bird enrolment is open now
💫 £150 off when you pay in full (£1,500 total)
💫 12-month payment plan option
💫 Instant access to the Couples Counselling Success Bundle
💫 Plus 1 month free in the Couples Counselling Collective (starting 2026)

If you’ve ever wanted to feel confident and equipped working with couples or know a colleague who would love this, this is for you.

🔗 https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/the-playbook

With love,
Lottie x

*xual *xualcounselling *xualtherapy *xualtherapist *xandrelationships *xandintimacy

28/11/2025

One of the most powerful needs we bring into our intimate relationships is the need to be emotionally validated.

Validation is about being seen, heard and understood.

When our emotions are acknowledged instead of dismissed, it creates safety, intimacy, and connection. Without it, couples can feel unseen, lonely, or even question whether their feelings are ‘too much’ or ‘not enough.’

Many of us grew up learning to dismiss or minimise our emotions. Perhaps we were told ‘don’t cry’ or ‘you’re overreacting.’ Even, ‘your being over sensitive’ or ‘ you’re to much’ over time. We internalise that voice and start to invalidate ourselves.

The good news is this can be unlearned.

-

To read my full blog post follow the link below ...

https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/post/the-need-for-emotional-validation-in-relationships

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

26/11/2025

My FREE monthly workshop for couples is tonight (26th November) at 8pm and this month's topic is:

"Monogamous Relationships - when s3x is taken off the table!"

Join me, where will talk about how to recover from an affair.

HOW TO ATTEND:
If you're on my mailing list and you will have been sent the link. Otherwise you can head over to my private Facebook Group: S3x, Intimacy and Relationship Workshop join from there.

Please like, share and tag anyone who you feel would benefit from this FREE Live Workshop.

NOTE: This is for Couples, however Therapists are more than welcome to join and learn for personal or professional reasons.

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships ❤️

24/11/2025

An intensive isn’t about “fixing” or forcing a certain outcome. Instead, it offers the depth, time, and skilled guidance needed to understand what’s really happening between you. Couples often discover renewed clarity, compassion, and direction, whether that means moving forward together with greater alignment or recognising that a different path is the most respectful next step. It’s about grounding your decisions in understanding, not overwhelm.

My wonderful colleague James Penney, and I bring together two complementary lenses in our work with couples:

James, with his depth of systemic understanding, helps couples recognise the patterns moving beneath the surface.

And me, with a focus on emotional process and attachment, help bring the relational and internal worlds into the room.

Together, we gently reveal both the insights and the shadow parts, the subconscious material that influences how partners protect, distance, or attach. Making the unconscious conscious is what enables couples to shift from reactive relating to conscious relationship, where choices are made with awareness rather than autopilot.

-

If you are finding yourself wondering “where are we going” and more often “how we got here”, we have the experience and knowledge to help you reconsider staying , after all the empire your have created and the relationship you have built deserves checking out ‘what’s next for us’ .

Now taking bookings for January 2026 - follow the link below

https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/couples-intensives-james-and-lottie

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

21/11/2025

This year seems to have moved at a speed none of us expected and the darker evenings make 8pm feel suspiciously like 11pm.

Those early nightfall hours can trick us into winding down long before we need to, retreating into routine, television, or quiet fatigue.

But there’s a hidden opportunity in this shift.

If it isn’t actually 11pm, then there might be two or three hours that can become something more intentional, time to reconnect, talk, be curious, or simply sit together with out distraction or phones pinging.

If you always do what you have always done then you will get the some results …

Try the John Gottman card decks app, start with affirmations and work your way down.

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

19/11/2025

While this season is wrapped in messages of joy and harmony, many couples quietly find it one of the most emotionally complex times of the year.

Expectations collide with reality, old family patterns reappear, and the pressure to “be festive” can make communication feel tighter rather than more open.

Instead of the usual seasonal advice, I want to offer something simpler: the invitation to talk to each other—really talk.

Not for problem-solving, not for negotiating logistics, but to connect with curiosity.

A Simple Example: Imago Dialogue Made Easy in 3 Steps
Here’s a gentle way to open space for each other:

STEP 1. Mirroring:
Partner A: “I’m feeling worried as we head toward Christmas.” Repeat back completely (the sentence needs to be small)

Partner B: “What I hear you saying is that you’re feeling worried as we head toward Christmas… is there more?”

Partner A "No that’s it" - there could be more, so repeat the sentence again, then Partner B repeats back

STEP 2. Validation:
“Given everything happening, it makes sense that you’d feel that way.” What do you need from me? (Shows intimacy)

STEP 3. Empathy:
“I imagine that feels heavy and lonely at times.”

The structure protects you both from spiralling into old patterns. It helps you stay connected to the human curiosity behind the words.

If there is more carry it on, small sentence repeats back and only one topic at a time.
-

From October to December, I’m offering a free 30-minute consultation (usually 15 minutes) a gentle space to explore what might be missing, and what’s worth nurturing as you move forward together.

Text 07788 492 202 and I will respond with 24 hours

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

17/11/2025

If your relationship feels a little strained right now, Christmas can sometimes highlight the distance between where you are and where you’d like to be.

Talking with a therapist can bring fresh perspective, help you realign, and open up new possibilities for connection.

From October to December, I’m offering a free 30-minute consultation (usually 15 minutes) a gentle space to explore what might be missing, and what’s worth nurturing as you move forward together.

Text 07788 492 202 and I will respond with 24 hours

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

14/11/2025

The Playbook: The Comprehensive Guide to Working with Couples is training for Therapists, where I share my Five Pillars of Assessment - the method I’ve developed and refined over two decades of working with couples.

It’s the foundation for everything that follows, helping you begin the work with safety, structure, and deep understanding.

I’ll take you step-by-step through how to assess, contract, hold, teach, and lead couples effectively

…and how to grow your practice with the mindset, money, and marketing tools that support you as a therapist.

💫 Early-bird enrolment is open now
💫 £150 off when you pay in full (£1,500 total)
💫 12-month payment plan option
💫 Instant access to the Couples Counselling Success Bundle
💫 Plus 1 month free in the Couples Counselling Collective (starting 2026)

If you’ve ever wanted to feel confident and equipped working with couples or know a colleague who would love this, this is for you.

🔗 Follow the link:

https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/the-playbook

With love,
Lottie x
*xual *xualcounselling *xualtherapy *xualtherapist *xandrelationships *xandintimacy

12/11/2025

Reciprocity is the mutual exchange of emotional support, respect, time, effort, love, and energy in a relationship. It's not transactional, it's transformational.

When both partners give willingly, without expectation or condition, it creates a relationship built on trust, generosity, and emotional safety.

Instead of ‘I’ll do this for you because I expect something in return,’ the mindset becomes ‘I want to do this for you because I care about you.’

But why is it so essential for couples? .. read the full blog post to find out:

https://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/post/reciprocity-in-relationships

Lottie x
*xandintimacycoachforcouples *xandintimacy *xandrelationships

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Otterbourne

Telephone

+447788492202

Website

http://www.lottiepassellsyms.com/

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