Mummy Matters, Paisley (2025)

23/07/2021

✨Make It Work For You✨⠀
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So many people are now facing working from home as a long term reality. As we move out of lockdown, the way we work has changed (for some of us) forever. We are moving out of ‘reactive working from home’ to ‘planned working from home’.⠀
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But because we’ve been living in ‘reaction’ mode for so long, have we actually ‘planned’ how we’re choosing to work from home or are we just winging it? ⠀
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There are loads of benefits to working from home - flexibility, multitasking, no commute etc, these same things, if not managed properly can lead to danger! ⠀
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Are you cramming your days with work and washings? Are you using your lunch break to mop the floors? Are you starting earlier because you don’t have the commute…yet working till your normal time? Are you overcompensating by working more because you’re also at home and feel like your skiving? ⠀
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I’m seeing so many people (including myself) doing all of this, yet not recognising the cost. The cost of missing your lunch break to sort out the washing. Or the cost of starting work an hour early but missing out on the 10 minute walk from the train station.⠀
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But let’s take this shift to a new way of working to put a plan in place, to have a strategy. To actively make working from home work for us.⠀
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Let’s schedule in the coffee break and sit outside for 10 minutes before sorting the washing(because we all know if we do that first we won’t sit down!). Plan a lunch time walk. Call a colleague or friend whilst on lunch to connect. If you start early, make sure to clock off early too! ⠀
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If we cram the space between work with other jobs, we’re stealing even more time we might have taken for ourselves (a quick browse round the shops at lunch time or a drink with a friend after work). ⠀
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We are in danger of doing double the work within the same time! ⠀
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So create a plan.⠀
Manage your boundaries.⠀
Prioritise those pockets of time for yourself.⠀
Make working from home work for you! ⠀
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Isn’t it funny how this is much easier when the sun in shining too…we’ll all sit out at lunch in the sun yet stay at our desk in the rain?!?

22/07/2021

✨Hi Again!✨⠀
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Life has been a hectic juggling all the needs! One ball gets out down to be able to pick up another before it gets set back down again for another, and so it goes on! ⠀
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And I think that’s something we forget whilst simultaneously expecting too much of ourselves…that we cannot juggle all the balls all of the time, yet desperately trying to, and inevitably dropping some (or all of them).⠀
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But if we approach life expecting to need to compromise, expecting that in order to pour time into something, we need to pour it out of something else, we might stand a better chance of keeping things afloat.⠀
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For a period I was trying to do it all and completely burnt out. I raced from one place to another, feeling frantic, irritable and constantly on the edge of losing my cool.⠀
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I realised I wasn’t pouring enough where it mattered, and whilst I was trying to do it all, the cups that mattered were haemorrhaging. My kids were suffering, I was suffering, and no one was enjoying anything. ⠀
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Whilst it seemed like the right thing, throwing myself into work and working for others wellbeing was impacting on mine and my families.⠀
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And it was such a difficult realisation because I know the work I do matters, my clients matter, and yet I too am a person who matters. And those things don’t always work in harmony together.⠀
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But recognising that I need pull back on some things, to give me more to pour into others has been liberating. Giving myself permission for compromise, for saying no, for setting the standards lower, for putting my needs towards the top of the list has been so powerful.⠀
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And this space is one of the things I’ve had to stop pouring as much into. It’s sad because I love this space, but that’s the thing with compromising, we sometimes have to compromise on things we love and want, so that we can prioritise what we need first.⠀
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That being said, I do feel better balanced and am hoping to be more consistent on here! I can’t conform to the once a day, at 7am/7pm algorithm but I’ll do what works for me and hope that you guys still see it! ☺️⠀
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I hope you are all well and finding more balance in life too! X

19/07/2021

✨Standards✨⠀
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We have a set for others and a whole set for ourselves! Usually the standards we set for others is lower than it should be, letting people off the hook more easily than they perhaps deserve. But the really problematic ones are the ones we set ourselves.⠀
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So often we hold ourselves to standards that no one could achieve. Standards that we wouldn’t, in our wildest dreams expect from anyone else.⠀
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And yet we hold ourselves to higher standards. We separate what is ok for others and what is not ok for us.⠀
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And we run ourselves ragged for them. We go into a cleaning frenzy for a friend popping over, never dreaming that they should bother doing the same thing. We host the play dates, giving our friends a break, but never accepting the offer ourselves. We offer to run errands for family, in between juggling work and children and everything in between. We insist on home cooked meals for the kids, but never questioning another parent who opts for chicken nuggets. We say yes, when really we don’t have the time, but ‘so and so’ really needed a favour, yet we never ask for help ourselves. We are the shoulder to cry on for a friend struggling, yet never ‘burden’ them with our own pain.⠀
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Our own sets of standards are usually our way of feeling enough. Of feeling that we do enough, are enough, be enough. They are us striving towards some kind of validation that never really existed in the first place. We force ourselves to jump through hoops to prove we are enough.⠀
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But here’s the thing. You’ve always been enough. You haven’t ever needed to prove it. Those standards that you have, for whose benefit are they? Because they sure as hell aren’t for yours! ⠀
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Give yourself permission to lower the standards. Take the short cuts. Drop the ball. Say no. ⠀
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Lower the standards, knowing that your bare minimum has always been enough. ⠀

✨A little repost from last year but equally important now! ✨

16/07/2021

✨Into The Unknown✨⠀
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As we face yet another shift and change, we are again stepping into the unknown.⠀
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Lockdown restrictions lifting sounds like a great thing, but it comes with context, mistrust, past experience, trauma, uncertainty and anxiety.⠀
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And we enter this new chapter still utterly depleted from the last rocky chapters.⠀
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Restrictions ending sounds like a great thing, but we are still recovering…or perhaps you haven’t even started recovering yet. ⠀
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Restrictions ending sounds like a great thing, but we are still burntout, with little to no energy for it all.⠀
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Restrictions ending sounds like a great thing, but that doesn’t mean we are completely ready for it. ⠀
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I’ve spoken to so many people, friends, family, clients, who have told me they feel silly or guilty for feeling anxious about the restrictions lifting. That they some feel judged and should be grateful for ‘life getting back to norma’. But I have the utter privilege of being told these little snippets of truth by SO many people so I know that you are not the only one. I know you are not alone. I know there are so many people feeling exactly like you.⠀
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We’re seeing all this excitement and buzz about restrictions lifting and assuming everyone feels the same. Sure, there are people who feel ready for this, however, the people feeling anxious or concerned don’t tend to shout about it. They only talk about in the quiet safe spaces of therapy or with a trusted friend. They don’t share openly, because they feel like the odd one out. ⠀
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But with the insight I have been gifted, I promise you, you are not the odd one out! There are so many more feeling exactly the same. And as with so many things, if we gave those anxieties more of a voice, we’d hear them echo right back to us.⠀
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That is what this page is all about. Normalising motherhood, mental health and emotions. Helping you to see you are not alone, because you never are, it’s just we don’t always hear what we need to hear.⠀
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12/07/2021

✨ ✨⠀
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No matter what the outcome and how people feel about it…none of that justifies the hatred and racist vitriol that I’ve been seeing across social and media platforms today. ⠀
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I can’t pretend to fully understand the disappointment people are feeling - I’m the furthest thing from a football fan the world has seen. But I do get that people’s emotions get heightened, people get invested, people hope for a result; and when it doesn’t go the way we want, we are disappointed. That is totally fine. Be disappointed. Be sad. Be frustrated. Be dejected. But then take responsibility and ownership of those feelings because while they are fine and valid; they are yours. ⠀
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With disappointment, often comes a desire to lash out, to make ourselves feel better; it’s a normal human response. But it is an inappropriate one. It is projection. It is a lack of ownership over those emotions. It is a deferral of responsibility. ⠀
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That disappointment is no one else’s responsibility. And it is certainly not an excuse for racism. ⠀
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This is not a post about football…what we are seeing just now is so much more than a football score. It is the refusal to acknowledge uncomfortable emotions, a refusal to take responsibility for something that is painful and do something to soothe it and instead turning it into something ugly, vile and unacceptable.

There is never an excuse for racism, and certainly not when it is used to make disappointment feel better!

05/07/2021

✨Out Of Office✨

After the last 18 months I wasn’t quite sure we’d ever get here, and yet after the last 18 months, it’s never been so needed!

But here we are and this is my out of office notice! 🤪

Im taking advice for my wonderful pal and I’m taking an insta-holiday and deleting the app whilst we’re away!

It’s too easy to get sucked in and distracted. And every time a notification pops up and competes for attention, I’m pulled away and out of the moment.

So I’m going to practise a bit more of what I preach and take time for us!

See you on the flip side guys!

Remember to take for yourself.

Be compassionate with yourself.

Remind yourself regularly that you are worthy of it all!

See you next week! 😘

23/06/2021

✨Needy✨⠀
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How many times have you called yourself “needy”? Or worse “too needy”?⠀
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Every time I hear this phrase I have an unpleasant physical reaction.⠀
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There are horrible, negative and hugely unhelpful connotations attached to this phrase.⠀
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It is used to undermine and judge those feelings of need. Those needs that are likely very reasonable and very justified, and more importantly, very worthy of being met.⠀
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Yet a phrase like ‘needy’ takes those worthy needs and makes them a problem. Something that is too much; too big; too much of a nuisance. But also, we shut ourselves off from those so important needs, we feel selfish or stupid for being ‘needy’ in the first place and so there is even less chance of them being met! ⠀
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But let me tell you something, and I hope you hear me loud and clear, because this is important.⠀
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You are not needy. ⠀
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You are human. ⠀
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And as a human you have needs. ⠀
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When those needs are not met, you express those needs louder or need more, because they are needed. ⠀
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Neediness (whatever that looks like) is an expression of those normal and reasonable needs not being met.⠀
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If our needs were met we would not need so much. ⠀
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If a baby was crying because they were hungry, but that need was ignored, the baby would cry louder, for longer, with more intensity. Because their need to be fed matters. Because they need that need to be heard…urgently. They are not needy, but when their needs are not met, they do the normal thing and shout louder. They demand their needs to be met, because they know their needs are important.⠀
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Our need to have our needs met hasn’t changed as we’ve grown older, only our expectations of ourselves not needing our needs has.⠀
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So let’s reframe “I’m needy” with “I have needs”. ⠀
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By doing this you will not only meet your needs with the worth and importance they deserve; but you’ll also give yourself the much needed opportunity to explore what the needs were in the first place, and maybe even meet them!⠀
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You are not needy. You have needs. And those needs matter (FULL STOP!)

14/06/2021

✨Not Lazy✨⠀
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I have been telling myself this over and over again this weekend… “I am not lazy”.⠀
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I’m not well. My head feels ready to explode. My throat is on fire. I’m coughing my lungs up. I feel like I’m walking through quicksand with weights strapped to my legs. I’m not well.⠀
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And there’s an interesting thing happening…it’s not covid and so somehow that disqualifies my symptoms. Somehow it shouldn’t feel so bad, because it could be worse.⠀
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And yet, it feels pretty terrible. I feel awful. ⠀
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Over the weekend and today as I watch David get the girls sorted for school I can hear that little voice in my head saying “you’re so lazy!”⠀
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It’s on repeat. And I need to keep fighting against it.⠀
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Because it’s not lazy, it’s being unwell. And just because it’s not covid…it’s still illness! ⠀
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We create this distorted view of our limits. We see them. We feel them. Then we feel the need to push through them. Our limits are an inconvenience. They are an obstacle to be overcome. They are a nuisance to be dismissed.⠀
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Why? ⠀
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Why do we treat ourselves so poorly and with so little compassion? Why do we stomp all over our very basic needs? Why do we treat ourselves so much less than everyone else around us? And why do we expect ourselves to be on with this??? ⠀
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Chronic low self worth seeps into all areas of our lives and functioning. It forces us to ‘prove our worth’ when we are in need of compassion. It forces us to fight against our needs, when those needs are most in need.⠀
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We need to fight against this narrative. We need to remind ourselves that illness (even stuff other than covid) is valid and real. We need to remind ourselves that illness is not lazy. We need to remind ourselves that illness is a limit. We need to remind ourselves that we are worthy of those limits. We need to remind ourselves we are not deserving of being pushed past our limit. ⠀
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We are deserving of rest. We are deserving of compassion. We are deserving of care. ⠀
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So if you are feeling less than great today, give yourself permission to take the foot off the pedal, slow down and take time to rest!

06/06/2021

✨Self Esteem✨⠀

It’s more than how we look (and whatever huge welt we have on our face). It’s more than what we ‘do’. It’s more than what our title is (mum, sister, daughter, employee, friend).⠀
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Self esteem is about who we are! It’s about those internal feelings of worth and not what others see. It’s about how we feel about ourselves. ⠀
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But so often our self esteem is wrapped up in the things above. So often our sense of self esteem is connected to our shape or size; how well we do our job; how good a mum we think we are; and how we compare ourselves against others.⠀
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And it’s hard to let go of that stuff because it seems to matter so much. It takes up so much, if not all of our time that we can’t see any other way to feel better about ourselves. ⠀
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But we need to start with the inside, because only then can we be truly happy with what’s going on externally.⠀
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Here’s some tips to get started on building your self esteem:⠀
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✨carve time out for yourself...you can’t get to know yourself without spending time with it⠀
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✨think about your goals - is there anything you want to do, learn, achieve? ⠀
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✨write it down - make your goals tangible. Make them something you can see⠀
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✨break it down - start working, in small steps towards that goal⠀
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✨practice makes perfect - as you begin to achieve small goals that are in alignment with YOU, celebrate yourself, but keep going! ⠀
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The more we work on our goals and spend time valuing ourselves, the more esteem we build. It won’t happen overnight, but with consistent work and commitment you will notice the difference.⠀
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✨and if you’re really stuck like I was - I couldn’t see myself beyond a mum (and a failing one at that); talk to someone. Speak to someone objective - a friend, a colleague, a coach, a therapist. Let someone else challenge you and push you outside of your comfort zone!
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It feels like a mammoth task, but it is an important one. You are worth so much more than you think! You just need to open your eyes to it! ⠀
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A little repost for a Sunday night! ⠀
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04/06/2021

✨It’s Ok Because They Didn’t Mean It✨⠀
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How many times have you dismissed being hurt because ‘they didn’t mean it’.⠀
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It might have been an off the cuff remark about your parenting, or a boundary overstepped. It might have been a feeling dismissed or downright ignored. Or it might have been a comment, in the heat of the moment that was a step too far.⠀
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How many times have you felt that pang of pain and pushed it away, because ‘it wasn’t meant that way’?⠀
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We often do this. Dismiss our hurt feelings or boundary overstepped when we perceive someone else as not meaning it.⠀
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But let me ask you...whether they meant it or not...did it still hurt the same?? ⠀
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When we dismiss our hurt feelings like this, we tell ourselves they are unimportant. That the intention behind a comment is more important than the impact.⠀
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Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times where my feelings are hurt and it has genuinely not been meant to do so (many an argument between david and I are examples of this). However the hurt is all the same. Remember my post earlier this week...”it doesn’t matter why we feel a thing, feeling a thing makes it real”? ⠀
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Those hurt feelings are real and deserve attended to. Whether that be through your own self soothing, or communicating with the person who hurt them, for them to understand and take some responsibility.⠀
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I always use the metaphor:⠀
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“If you accidentally stomped on my foot, just because you didn’t mean it doesn’t make it hurt any less”.⠀
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It helps me communicate that whilst it might be accidental, the pain is real and needs attended to. It also helps the other person (again usually poor david) to really understand what it is that I’m asking for.⠀
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But ultimately, the responsibility lies with us, to not dismiss it, to validate the emotion as real and to assert our need to have that pain attended to.

03/06/2021

✨What You Don’t See✨⠀
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Trust me when I tell you that you only see the good bits.⠀You only see the moments deemed worthy of sharing. You only see the moments that are laced with smiles and joy. You only see the bits that have been filtered down. ⠀
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But that is not the whole picture. ⠀
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You don’t see the shouting.⠀
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You don’t see the frustration that builds to boiling point.⠀
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You don’t see the whispering (not so quietly) “just f**k off”.⠀
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You don’t see the rage.⠀
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You don’t see the shame that follows.⠀
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You don’t see the apologies.⠀
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You don’t see the curling up in bed with your 5 year old, reassuring her that no matter how grumpy mummy is, she always loves her. ⠀
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I shared some stories yesterday of a surprisingly lovely afternoon with Imogen. It looked beautiful, and those bits were. I got messages of “aww” and how nice to see us having such fun. These messages are so appreciated but it got me thinking. ⠀
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Because in the moments between the pictures it was ugly, raw, messy and less than perfect. There were tantrums and patience lost. But I didn’t share those. You didn’t see those bits. Would they have been so lovely? It wasn’t that I chose not to share them, but it’s just not what we do.⠀
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We don’t tend to show the raw and messy, because who really wants to see that? We don’t share the ugly and imperfect because we’re too busy surviving it. ⠀
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But just because it’s not shared, does not mean it doesn’t exist.
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Please never compare yourself to the snap shots you see, because there is so much more that you don’t see in the moments between. ⠀
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It’s like comparing yourself against the one beautiful flower in a thorn bush. Yes it’s lovely, but it’s not the whole picture.⠀
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I find motherhood really hard. I don’t always enjoy it, and recently the balance has been tipped more in the ‘not enjoying it’ place. I’m working on it and putting more energy into actively enjoying it. So please don’t see my stories and assume it’s like that all of the time...these are only moments I choose to share and not the whole picture. ⠀

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02/06/2021

✨It Doesn’t Matter Why✨⠀
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How often have you felt a thing and then tried to push it away because you did it “have a reason for feeling it”?⠀
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How often have you felt a thing and then dismissed it as unjustified? ⠀
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How often have you felt a thing and then criticised yourself for it being irrational? ⠀
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I get it. ⠀
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Sometimes we experience big emotions that don’t seem to match up to the situation. ⠀
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Sometimes we do feel a little more sensitive. ⠀
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Sometimes we are triggered a little quicker. ⠀
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Sometimes our stuff clouds our interpretation of a situation.⠀
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I get it.⠀
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But here’s the thing. It doesn’t really matter why you feel a thing or whether or not it’s rational. The fact is that you are feeling a thing, and that thing is real.⠀
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It takes up space in your body, mind and soul. It hurts. It causes discomfort. It spills over whether you’d like it to or not.⠀
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Trying to push these feeling away is like telling a toddler to get over their tantrum when they can’t do their jigsaw puzzle. The emotion isn’t necessarily warranted, but it is real nonetheless.⠀
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By dismissing or pushing it away, we tend to just add fuel to the fire! ⠀
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Instead, take responsibility for the very real emotion. Attend to it. Soothe it. Meet it with compassion. ⠀
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By addressing the emotion, we calm our nervous system (which by the way, doesn’t care what set it off...it’s just ON). And when we are calmer, we then have the opportunity to engage with rational, revisit the situation, make amends if needs be, or communicate about what hurt us, to avoid it happening again.⠀
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By taking responsibility for our emotions as real and valid things, we give ourselves more opportunities to regulate them. By dismissing them and being hard on ourselves, we run the risk of the emotion regulating us.⠀
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It’s not about letting ourselves off the hook, but it is about taking responsibility for the realness of the emotion FIRST, then addressing a situation that maybe we reacted disproportionately to.⠀
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Compassion first...rationalise later. ⠀
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It doesn’t matter why you’re feeling the thing, what matters is that you are feeling the thing!

Mummy Matters

23/07/2021

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