17/11/2025
There is a quiet lie woven into foster care.
This idea that a parent can heal years of trauma in a matter of months.
That cycles that took generations to build can be undone by a treatment plan and a signature.
That addiction can be conquered before the next ninety day review.
That deep wounds can be wrapped up neatly before the next hearing.
But trauma does not move on a timeline.
Healing does not follow the court calendar.
Generational pain does not disappear because someone finished a class.
And I know the system is broken.
I know deadlines are often more about clearing caseloads than supporting real change.
I know judges and caseworkers push for progress without understanding how long true healing takes.
But here is the tension no one likes to talk about.
How much time is too much time for a child to sit in limbo?
Because while adults are healing, children are waiting.
And waiting is its own kind of wound.
I am not saying parents should get endless years to figure things out.
Not when a child is the one paying the price for every setback.
Not when there is no real progress being made.
Not when the same choices keep repeating.
If a parent is not changing at all, they do not need more time.
They need accountability, honesty, and a plan that puts the child first.
But there is another side to this.
Some parents really are trying.
Some parents are breaking generational chains one painful step at a time.
Some parents are showing up, sober, humble, and doing the work.
And those parents should not be rushed just to meet a deadline on a judge’s calendar.
Healing that deep deserves time.
Recovery that fragile deserves support.
Change that real deserves space to grow.
But children deserve stability too.
They deserve a life that is not one long pause.
They deserve permanency, one way or another.
They deserve to know where home is.
So what do we do with that tension?
We tell the truth.
Not every parent needs more time.
But not every parent can heal in three or six months.
The answer is not endless extensions or rushed reunification.
The answer is discernment.
Real evaluation.
Actual honesty instead of box checking.
If a parent is truly changing, you support that.
If a parent is not changing, you protect the child from more waiting.
It is not cruelty.
It is compassion for both.
Because children should never be sacrificed to timelines.
And parents who are fighting for their healing should not be crushed by them either.
You cannot fix generational trauma with court deadlines.
But you can tell the truth about what real healing looks like.
And you can fight for a system that honors the child without giving up on the parent who is trying to become who their child needs.
That is what justice looks like.
And that is what love looks like too.
