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Why?Counselling

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Why?Counselling

Helping men manage stress, burnout, anger and relationship strain in a steady, man-friendly space. Best wishes
Justin…or ‘Stones’ if you prefer.

If you’ve been holding it together for everyone else at work, at home, or with your mates, but inside it’s getting harder to keep going, and that feeling of shame is stopping you from asking for help, you’re in the right place. Hi, my name is Justin, or ‘Stones’ as I was known when I was in the fire service. After 29 years as a firefighter, that also included a role debriefing crews who had been to traumatic incidents, I saw how many men suffered by carrying their pain in silence. Over time, I’ve found myself working mostly with men in high-pressure jobs, ex- or current emergency services, teachers, and medical professionals, men who are great under pressure but struggling to switch off when the uniform comes off. Clients often tell me it feels more like a chat in a man cave than a therapy session, relaxed, honest, and sometimes even with a laugh, and allows them to open up about their concerns. Imagine having that space so that you can finally walk into work without having that knot in your stomach, or being able to stop living in survival mode and start feeling calm, focused, and back in control. So, if you’re on this site looking for help, that’s most of the hard bit done. Have a click on my website to find out a bit more about me, what I offer, and see if I can help.

27/01/2026

One of the most common things I see in men in my practice isn’t low confidence, it’s shame.

Not the obvious kind. The quiet kind that sounds like:

‘I should be coping better.’
‘I shouldn’t still feel like this.’
‘I should be stronger.’

Research consistently shows that shame isn’t about behaviour, it’s about identity. Over time, it often develops from early experiences, unmet attachment needs, and cultural pressure on men to stay strong and self-contained.

Left unspoken, shame doesn’t motivate change. It tends to show up as anxiety, emotional shutdown, irritability, or pulling away in relationships.

What I often remind men (and their partners) is this:
A lot of the time, the shame doesn’t belong to the person. It stems from cultural expectations, unreasonable expectations, outdated norms or an unrealistic expectation surrounding what you could’ve achieved at an incident.

If you feel you might benefit from counselling, why not get in touch? You have nothing to lose (apart from your shame, or other issue), and everything to gain.

Best wishes 👍

18/01/2026

Something I notice a lot in my work with men is shame, even though it’s rarely called that.

Most men don’t say “I feel ashamed.”

Instead, it often sounds like:

I should be doing better.
I should be able to handle this.
I shouldn’t still be struggling.

These thoughts usually feel reasonable at first.

But shame can grow quietly in the background.
Over time, it can turn into anxiety, pressure, and a sense that everyday life feels harder than it used to.

When this comes up, a few things I often explore with men are:

• Simply noticing the “shoulds,” rather than fighting them
• Getting curious about where those expectations came from, or whose voice is it you hear internally?
• Paying attention to how it shows up in the body, not just the mind

More often than not, this isn’t about weakness.
It’s about carrying a lot, for a long time, without much space to put it down.

02/01/2026

The pressure to make resolutions and be a ‘new you’ at the start of every January can be crushing to some…especially when things don’t quite go to plan, and we ‘fall off the wagon’ a few weeks later and deem ourselves failures.

I believe that we often forget we are a part of nature and the natural world, not something separate from it. Just as with plants, we can thrive or struggle depending on the conditions/soil we are in.

It’s hard to thrive if we’re not in the right kind of conditions that are conducive to change, and willpower will only get you so far! So, my point here is, rather than seeking a ‘thing’ or setting a date for the start of your change, why not look to create the conditions that help you to change (what/where or who do you need to help make those conditions possible)? The real challenge here is, the help doesn’t necessarily have to involve or be related to money. Make a list and start making that happen; even this part of the journey can be transformational.

It could be you need a friend or a colleague to act as a mentor, or it could be that you just need to have a period of rest before a season of growth. Map these needs out, and then ‘get stuck in’; don’t set a date, just start and aim for consistency. Recognise that things will get in the way and life happens. Just try and roll with it, don’t let that nasty voice in your head give you grief or tell you you’re a failure; you’re not, it’s just the conditions weren’t right at that particular point in time; just try to create them on another day.

Just remember, not all trees can grow straight and tall; others have to grow around or through their constraints…and that’s what makes them all unique, beautiful, and interesting.

Best wishes
Justin 👍

18/12/2025

Something small I’ve noticed recently in my therapy room surprised me.

I’ve got a few Lego models on the shelves. I started building one between sessions, nothing to taxing, nothing productive. Just following the instructions, piece by piece (see attached pictures).

What I noticed was how regulating it felt.

No phone. No thinking three steps ahead. Hands busy, and mind quieter.

Play like this does two important things at once:
1) It settles the nervous system and creates a sense of safety and connection, even when you’re on your own.
2) It can also help mend relational issues (through cooperative play, like computer/console games, puzzles, board games etc)

For many adults (especially at this time of year), play can be a far more accessible doorway to calm than talking about feelings ever is. It’s focused, embodied, present. Also, you don’t have to explain yourself to benefit from it, and if you have kids, they love you getting involved as well.

As I look ahead to the new year, I’m increasingly curious about how simple, non-childish forms of play, like building, making, or doing, might be used more intentionally in adult therapy, particularly around anxiety, stress, trauma, and emotional shutdown.

Sometimes the nervous system doesn’t need insight. It just needs permission to relax and regulate…and sometimes that permission comes through play.

Let me know in the comments, what you do to relax and wind down during the Christmas Period?

Wishing you a Merry Christmas
Justin

19/11/2025

Today is Men’s Mental Health Day, and here’s the truth most men keep quiet:

Last week a man sat across from me and said, “I don’t know when I stopped feeling like myself…but I’m tired of pretending I’m fine.”

No drama. No breakdown.
Just a worn-out honesty that most men never say out loud.

He’s a good man, a partner, dad, business owner. He wasn’t “failing.”
He was carrying too much, for too long.

And that’s the part we forget:

Men don’t usually fall apart.
They slowly fade.
Into silence.
Into work.
Into the version of themselves that keeps everyone else comfortable.

But here’s where things became hopeful, the moment he finally spoke the thing he’d been hiding, something shifted. Not because he had all the answers…but because he stopped carrying them alone.

Men heal the same way we break, bit by bit, conversation by conversation.

If you’re reading this and something in you feels heavy, here’s your nudge:

You don’t need to reach crisis to reach out.
You just need a place that feels, comfortable and safe.

Take one small step today:
Send a message. Book a chat. Tell someone you trust, “I think I need to talk.”

Your future self will thank you for it.

14/11/2025

Christmas adverts promise joy, but the reality is often knots in stomachs and racing thoughts. The holidays aren’t always easy, there’s pressure for everything to be perfect, when you feel anything but!
Imagine having a space to decompress and get clarity over everything that’s on your mind, before the pressure gets too much.

Sharing this in case someone else needs permission to feel their emotions too. 💫 hashtag hashtag

Best wishes 👍

27/10/2025

As the evenings get darker earlier, it’s not just the daylight we lose, I’ve noticed that for myself and many men, it’s also the spark that keeps us feeling steady.
Less light can mean less energy, more time in our heads, and old worries creeping back in.

You might notice you’re quieter, a bit shorter with people, or just feeling flat. These feelings can be a normal reaction to the seasons changing.

This time of year, it’s important to stay connected:
• Get outside, even for a short walk during daylight.
• Keep your routines simple but steady.
• Reach out to someone, a message, a pint, a chat. Don’t wait until you’re really struggling.

Darkness doesn’t have to mean disconnection. Sometimes, it’s a chance to slow down and reconnect with yourself, to notice what’s missing, and to gently start putting it back. Maybe through a hobby that you once used to do, and gave up for some reason.

You don’t have to push through alone.

💬 If this season feels heavy, that’s okay, reach out. Small conversations can make a big difference.
Have you noticed things changing for you, or what do you do as the nights draw in, to help you get through?

Hope Starts Here

Best wishes 👍

23/10/2025

Something I've been mulling over this week!

There are times in life when you know exactly what you want to say, but the right moment never seems to show up. You’re left feeling frustrated…and sometimes, deeply alone.

Then, there are those rare moments when the opportunity does appear, and panic takes over. The words vanish like smoke, leaving you silent once again.

It’s like trying to thread a needle in a speeding car, the timing just never lines up. So you stay quiet instead. It feels a bit like shouting behind one-way soundproof glass…no one can hear you, no matter how much you try.

Now, imagine a place where that glass doesn’t exist.
A space where you can speak freely, and be heard.

Sometimes, that’s all we need. A space where the heaviness lifts, where frustration, anger, disappointment, or even those wordless feelings begin to ease.

In that space, your voice carries without effort.
Your thoughts flow like a river finally breaking free.
The silence turns into connection, understanding, and even comfort.

And maybe that place isn’t a room at all.
Maybe it’s a moment of courage.
A friend who truly listens.
Or the quiet decision to trust your own voice.

When you find it, you’ll realise the glass was never as thick as it seemed, and that speaking your truth is the first step toward feeling whole again.

Have a click on my page or website if this resonates with you!

Best wishes,
👍

15/10/2025

One thing that I am so pleased that I re-learned today was that it's okay to show up and be me.
I know that I've spent quite a bit of my life trying to be who others either wanted or needed me to be. However, when you step away from that and ask 'who is it that I want to be?', it can be very liberating.

Here on Facebook, we try to show our best sides, our holidays, accolades, achievements, and I think it's really good to celebrate these things; however, I do wonder how Facebook would look if we showed up just as who we are. With our own insecurities, worries etc.

It's okay to have messy days, days where you may feel that others are doing better than you, and so they must be better than you. Days where no one reads or comments on your posts.

However, what would it be like if you just stopped, and celebrated you for who you are, recognised that all of the challenges you've faced you've overcome? Think about it, just for one minute & take a deep breath. Those challenges might not have ended as you wanted them to...but you made it through...and that's enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH, right now, as you are! People in your life love you for who you are, not what you've done or achieved. Please see your own value, just for existing. Many thanks for just being you.

Best wishes
Justin 👍

08/10/2025

Ever felt like you’re carrying too much?

One day, after debriefing a fire crew, a firefighter asked if we could talk. He hardly said a word. I could see it in his eyes; he was holding the job, the pain, and his home life all at once.

I’ve seen this so many times. Men pushing through. Hiding behind work or humour. Trying to be strong for everyone else. But it’s heavy to carry alone.

That’s why I became a counsellor. At Why? Counselling, I give men a safe place to let it all out, talk openly (sometimes for the first time in years), and find themselves again.

Being a member of the emergency services or military is not a requirement. I work with men & women from all walks of life, Business, Medical, Teaching…whatever you do, whoever you are, you’re welcome here.

If this feels close to home, you’re not alone. Hope starts here.

Best wishes

01/10/2025

I’m Justin, a counsellor who works with men who look solid and capable to everyone else — but inside, they’re fighting battles they never signed up for.

For many of the men I support, professionals, leaders, first responders, veterans — anxiety, PTSD or C-PTSD isn’t the hardest part.
It’s the shame that comes with it.

Shame for not being able to “just get on with it.”
Shame for losing your temper, zoning out, or pulling away.
Shame for struggling to sleep, focus, or feel like yourself.
Shame for carrying memories you can’t control — or emotions you can’t switch off.

Maybe you’ve told yourself it’s not that bad.
Maybe you hide it, bury it, or numb it, hoping no one notices.
But deep down, you know it’s costing you: your peace, your relationships, your sense of who you are.

This isn’t weakness. It’s what happens when the things you’ve seen, done, or lived through leave a mark, and you’ve never had a safe place to unpack them.

Therapy isn’t about rehashing the past. It’s about taking back control of your life now.
Together, we work to quiet the chaos inside, loosen the grip of shame, and rebuild your strength from the inside out.

✅ A calmer, steadier mind
✅ Freedom from the weight of old wounds
✅ Confidence that isn’t dependent on holding it all together

📩 If you’re ready to stop hiding what’s really going on and start healing without shame, message me, and we’ll take the first step together.

24/09/2025

This can be very true for some!

Best wishes 👍

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Tuesday	9am - 6pm
Wednesday	9am - 6pm
Thursday	9am - 6pm
Friday	9am - 6pm

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http://Whycounselling.co.uk/, https://booking.konfidens.uk/whycounselling/s

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