Jan Scoones Counselling & Psychotherapy

Jan Scoones Counselling & Psychotherapy MBACP (Accred)
Do you feel stuck, overwhelmed or sad. Perhaps counselling can help.

Grief doesn't always come with a funeral.Sometimes it's quiet. Sometimes it catches you off guard in the middle of an or...
14/11/2025

Grief doesn't always come with a funeral.

Sometimes it's quiet.

Sometimes it catches you off guard in the middle of an ordinary day.

Sometimes you don't even recognise it as grief at first.

We've been taught to associate grief with death, but loss takes so many forms.

The job that ended.

The friendship that faded.

The version of yourself you had to let go of.

The future you thought you'd have.

All of these losses are real.

All of them deserve space to be felt.

If you're grieving something that doesn't fit the traditional mould, I see you.

Your loss matters. Your feelings are valid.

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Anger is often the emotion we show the world, but it's rarely the whole story. Think of it like an iceberg: what you see...
12/11/2025

Anger is often the emotion we show the world, but it's rarely the whole story.

Think of it like an iceberg: what you see on the surface is just a fraction of what's really there.

Beneath that anger, there's usually a tangle of deeper, more vulnerable feelings that are harder to express or even acknowledge.

We feel anger because it feels safer and more powerful than admitting we're hurt, scared, or feeling rejected.

It's a protective response.

But when we only address the anger without exploring what's underneath, we miss the opportunity to truly understand ourselves and communicate what we actually need.

Next time you feel anger rising, pause and ask yourself: what else am I feeling right now?

What's the real wound here?

That's where the healing begins.

Sometimes the most liberating thing we can do is release ourselves from the weight of others' expectations and free them...
10/11/2025

Sometimes the most liberating thing we can do is release ourselves from the weight of others' expectations and free them from ours.

This isn't about being selfish, it's about being authentic.

It's about recognising that we're each on our own journey, and that's perfectly okay.

When we stop trying to mould ourselves to fit someone else's vision, we create space for genuine connections to flourish naturally.

And those connections, the ones built on acceptance rather than obligation, are the ones that truly matter.

We often try to protect ourselves from difficult emotions by pushing them away or numbing them out. But here's the truth...
07/11/2025

We often try to protect ourselves from difficult emotions by pushing them away or numbing them out.

But here's the truth: our emotional system doesn't work like a light switch where we can turn off only the hard feelings.

When we close ourselves off to pain, grief, or fear, we inadvertently dim our capacity to feel everything else as well.

The same walls we build to keep out hurt also keep out joy, love, and deep connection.

Healing isn't about avoiding pain.

It's about learning to feel it all, to sit with discomfort whilst staying open to beauty.

Because a life fully felt, even with its sorrows, is richer than a life half-numbed.

What's one small way you're choosing to feel today?

Feeling overwhelmed? Take a moment to ground yourself with this simple 5-4-3-2-1 exercise.Pause, breathe, and gently not...
06/11/2025

Feeling overwhelmed?

Take a moment to ground yourself with this simple 5-4-3-2-1 exercise.

Pause, breathe, and gently notice:
✨ 5 things you can see
✨ 4 things you can touch
✨ 3 things you can hear
✨ 2 things you can smell
✨ 1 thing you can taste

This technique helps bring you back to the present moment when anxiety or stress feels too much.

It's quick, effective, and you can do it anywhere.

Try it now and notice how it shifts your focus from your thoughts to the world around you. 🌊

Are you and your partner stuck in the same arguments on repeat, feeling like you're speaking different languages?Couples...
03/11/2025

Are you and your partner stuck in the same arguments on repeat, feeling like you're speaking different languages?

Couples counselling isn't about blame or taking sides.

It's about understanding your patterns, rebuilding communication, and reconnecting with each other.

Whether you're facing recurring conflicts, navigating life changes, or simply feeling distant, professional support can help you both rediscover the connection you once shared.

You don't need to wait for a crisis to seek help.

Early intervention can prevent small issues from becoming overwhelming, and many couples find renewed understanding through the process.

In my latest blog post, I break down everything you need to know about couples therapy: what happens in sessions, what it can help with, and when to consider reaching out.

Because seeking support shows strength and commitment to your relationship.

Read the full guide on my website and discover how couples counselling might support your journey towards a stronger partnership.

Sometimes our past trauma tells us we're responsible for everyone's feelings. But healing teaches us that boundaries are...
01/11/2025

Sometimes our past trauma tells us we're responsible for everyone's feelings.

But healing teaches us that boundaries aren't cruel, they're necessary.

You're not a bad person for saying no.

You're not responsible for managing other people's emotions.

Their disappointment is valid, and so is your boundary.

Both can be true.

Trauma isn't always loud. It doesn't always announce itself with a dramatic backstory.Sometimes it's the quiet stuff. Th...
29/10/2025

Trauma isn't always loud. It doesn't always announce itself with a dramatic backstory.

Sometimes it's the quiet stuff.

The way you shut down when emotions feel too big.

The relationships that never quite feel safe.

The constant sense that you're responsible for everyone else's feelings.

The disconnection from who you really are.

We've been taught to measure our pain against some invisible scale of 'bad enough.'

But trauma isn't about what happened to you.

It's about how it lives in your body, your relationships, your sense of self.

If you've been dismissing your struggles because they don't feel "valid enough," this is your permission to stop.

Your experience matters.

Your healing matters.

You don't need a perfect trauma story to deserve support, understanding, and compassion.

💙 Save this if you needed to hear it.

Just because you can sense the tension, feel the heaviness, or read the energy in a room doesn't mean you're responsible...
27/10/2025

Just because you can sense the tension, feel the heaviness, or read the energy in a room doesn't mean you're responsible for fixing it.

Your empathy is a gift, not a job requirement.

You're allowed to notice without taking it on.

To care without carrying.

To be present without being responsible for everyone's comfort.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is protect your own peace and let others navigate their own feelings.

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The most complicated grief is loving someone who hurt you.Family wounds cut differently because they come from the peopl...
24/10/2025

The most complicated grief is loving someone who hurt you.

Family wounds cut differently because they come from the people who were supposed to protect you.

The people you still love.

The people who are still alive.

You're not grieving a person, but you're grieving:

The childhood you deserved
The safety you never felt
The parent you needed them to be
The unconditional love that came with conditions

And here's what makes it even harder: no one modelled what healthy looks like.

So you're navigating healing without a map, often while still staying connected to the source of your pain.

You're caught between two truths:

"I love them" AND "They hurt me"

Both can be true.

Your pain is valid even if they "did their best."

Your loyalty doesn't require your silence.

Healing from family wounds isn't about cutting people off (though sometimes that's necessary).

It's about:
✨ Setting boundaries without guilt
✨ Grieving what never was
✨ Breaking cycles you didn't start
✨ Choosing yourself without apologising

You're not being disloyal by wanting to heal those wounds.

You're being brave.

If you're working through family trauma, know this: the confusion, the grief, the torn feeling between connection and self-respect.

It's all part of the process.

You're not doing it wrong.

You deserved better then.

And you deserve it now.

"Wait, I thought ADHD and Autism were the same thing?"Nope. And many people have BOTH (that's AuDHD).Understanding the d...
22/10/2025

"Wait, I thought ADHD and Autism were the same thing?"

Nope.

And many people have BOTH (that's AuDHD).

Understanding the differences isn't about labels, it's about finding what actually works for YOU.

Swipe to see how ADHD, Autism, and AuDHD each show up differently in attention, social situations, and sensory experiences.

Walking on eggshells in your own home? You're not imagining it.Here's what most people don't realise: abuse isn't always...
20/10/2025

Walking on eggshells in your own home?

You're not imagining it.

Here's what most people don't realise: abuse isn't always visible.

No bruises doesn't mean it's not happening.

Control often hides behind 'caring':

"I'm just worried about you" (constant phone checking)
"I'm protecting you" (isolation from friends)
"You're too sensitive" (questioning your reality)

The Power and Control Wheel shows the truth: physical violence is just the tip of the iceberg.

Beneath it are eight tactics that quietly steal your sense of self.

If you're constantly adjusting to keep the peace, if their mood dictates everything, if you're doubting yourself... you deserve to understand what's happening.

Check out my blog exploring each aspect of the Power and Control Wheel at www.janscoonescounselling.co.uk

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