Sarah Burley Celebrant

14/11/2025

As a celebrant I spend many hours with families who have been traumatised by their experiences surrounding the final days, hours or minutes of a loved one’s life. We don’t often have to experience this (thankfully) but it’s important to know, that one day, the time may come. And it may not be what you’re expecting.

We all wish for a “beautiful” death, for ourselves and for the people we love. And thankfully, many times, it happens, or at least it comes close. I feel fortunate to have witnessed countless deaths that were peaceful, quiet, and even beautiful. But I have also been present for the ones that weren’t, the ones filled with struggle, distress, and sounds that echo in your mind long after the room has fallen silent.

Death and the dying process are as individual as fingerprints. No two are the same, and I think we need to talk about that more honestly. Describing death as beautiful or peaceful can unintentionally mislead or isolate those whose experiences looked very different.

As hospice clinicians, we often explain that certain changes such as skin color, breathing patterns, movements, sounds, even moments of restlessness, can be a normal part of dying. But let’s be honest: while these things may be clinically normal, they are not emotionally normal for the people witnessing them. There is nothing “usual” about watching someone you love leave this world.

I do my best to ease the struggle for both the dying and those keeping vigil beside them. Still, I am not always successful. I have had to learn that it isn’t because I have failed, it’s because sometimes, the body follows its own path, and what it goes through is beyond our control, no matter how gently we try to guide it.

Some deaths are hard to witness. I have learned to be more mindful of that, the quiet trauma that can live inside those memories. Watching someone you love suffer creates a different kind of pain, one that needs acknowledgment and tenderness long after last breaths.

I have often wondered what makes a death “beautiful.” Perhaps it’s when someone has lived a full life and is ready, or when they pass without struggle, surrounded by love. Maybe it’s when the suffering has finally ended, and peace, however brief, fills the room.

There are many interpretations. I once read that “a beautiful death is a death that allows for a celebration of a life well-lived and a sense of peace.” I think that’s true, but I have also learned that beauty in death isn’t always found in how it looks. Sometimes it’s in the love that fills the room, in the hands held tightly together, in the whispered goodbyes, or in the sheer courage it takes to stay present when things are hard to watch.

As someone who walks alongside the dying, I have come to accept that it’s not my place to decide whether a death was beautiful or not. That belongs to those who had to say goodbye. My role is to prepare them for whatever may come, to hold space for both possibilities. And if the end is peaceful, that is a blessing. If it isn’t, at least they were not unprepared, and perhaps it will feel a little less shocking.

Death is my teacher, and I am an attentive listener.

xo
Gabby

You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/when-it-isn-t-a-beautiful-death

13/11/2025

This is so true and so beautifully explained.

When I am sitting at the bedside as someone is nearing their last breath, I am often asked the question, “how much longer?” In the early days of my work, I would answer as I was taught: hours to days. But over time, I have learned that the body holds its own wisdom, one that does not always follow our timelines or textbooks.

Sometimes, even when a person has made complete peace with their life and is leaning gently toward what comes next, their body still isn’t ready to let go. And other times, when it seems the heart is strong and the body should hold on, it releases sooner than we expect. The truth is, we cannot predict it. What I say now is that all we can be absolutely certain of is this moment, today. And if tomorrow comes, that is a bonus day, a gift of a little more time.

We can’t rush that final breath. It asks of us patience, presence, and trust. Our role is to ensure comfort, to ease pain and suffering, and to offer support so that no one feels alone in the waiting. After that, all we can do is be still. To sit in that sacred space and whisper, “I’m here, however long this might take.” Because this moment is not about us, it’s about surrendering to the deep knowing that the body always knows what to do, in its own time, and in its own way.

xo
Gabby

From my book: End of Life Tips
https://www.amazon.com/Life-Tips-Gabrielle-Elise-Jimenez/dp/B0C9G8PZZ5/ref=pd_aw_sim_m_sccl_2_4/130-2232800-4346236?

11/11/2025

The Tree of Dreams:
Over the last few days two of my neighbours have chosen to end their own lives. Although I didn't know either of them, one was a gentle and kind person who always took the time to stop and exchange a few words and ask after my children.
The other chose to be found today in a public space. My heart is filled with sadness that anyone should feel that this world has nothing they wish to stay for.
If you are having extremely low feelings, please take a moment before departing to reach out and tell someone. Today might feel bleak, but there is a better day coming. Please remember that happiness is possible, peace can come in life, and help is available. Just call 116 123 day or night.

03/11/2025

An interesting perspective for couples who want to focus on the wedding of their dreams.

Is there a difference? ….

Absolutely! Don’t make the mistake of thinking that both offer the same service.

It is confusing so let’s be really clear ……..

Independent Celebrants create personalised wedding ceremonies written from scratch for each couple they work with.

Independent Celebrants have all the time in the world to get to know the couples they work with. This can be in person, by phone, online meetings, WhatsApp- in fact any way that suits you. Talking to a couple’s wider family and friendship group is often part of the process

Independent Celebrants can offer blended ceremonies that reflect different faiths and cultures.

Independent Celebrants offer complete flexibility over time and location.

Independent Celebrants can offer lots of assistance with vow writing, wedding anxiety etc.

For couples who are part of the LGBTQ + or neurodiverse community, being able to personally choose the Celebrant who best suits them is often of huge importance.

I believe these differences are key to
understanding the two different roles

Registrars do a great job of registering marriage and these days, in their marriage ceremonies, they offer more choice than they ever did before. But, they simply do not have the time and resources to offer the choice and flexibility that an Independent Celebrant does.

Whatever they decide to call themselves they will continue to be bound by Government rules and regulations- Independent Celebrants are not.

I want all couples to be able to make an informed choice - just make sure if you are planning a wedding you know the difference !

Book a simple statutory registration ceremony for you and 2 witnesses at your local Register Office - complete the legal paperwork for your marriage - and then focus on creating the perfect wedding day ceremony with a Celebrant.

If you want a Celebrant not a Registrar for your wedding in the Cotswolds dm me for more information- I’m always happy to clarify any confusion.

01/11/2025

What a treat it was to tell the incredible ladies of the WI-Tudor Rose all about my job as a celebrant. They all asked some insightful questions and we discussed all the ways a celebrant can help mark special moments, from the beginning of life to its completion, and all the variety of milestones between!
Sarah Burley Celebrant
The WI (National Federation of Women's Institutes)

30/10/2025

I led a lovely service today for a man who lived almost to his 99th birthday. He’d said that his secret to longevity was a tot (or two) of whiskey each day. I thought I’d raise a glass to him, and have dusted off an old bottle, which might be older than me…

25/10/2025

A challenging conundrum... What would you do? How we treat our deceased relatives says so much about our culture as a whole.

Grave concerns regarding Teddington Cemetery expansion plans

Richmond Council’s proposal to extend Teddington Cemetery into neighbouring allotments has sparked local debate. While many residents wish to protect valued green space, the council faces growing pressure to create more burial space in London — a challenge affecting cemeteries across the capital.

Our latest article explores both sides of the discussion and looks at how changing burial laws could shape the future of local cemeteries.

👉 Read more: https://whiterosemodernfunerals.co.uk/grave-concerns-regarding-teddington-cemetery-expansion-plans/

12/10/2025

Following my previous post, it was such a privilege to be a part of this big and joyful memorial service, where so many friends and neighbours were able to celebrate the life of their friend, having led an intimate funeral service a few months ago.

11/10/2025

2 minute read:
I’ve had a few conversations this week about planning for funerals and sensed that the wonderful people I was speaking with were a little surprised by the reactions of their friends and family.
In two cases, the ‘surprise’ related to the fact that so many of their loved ones might really want to attend a funeral.
In both cases, the people I spoke with thought that they’d “save everyone the fuss.” They had assumed that nobody would want to attend a funeral service. But it turns out that they really do.
I completely understand that when the church or matters of faith are not a factor, a traditional funeral service in a crematorium might not be the place you want loved ones to gather, but these days, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Funeral services can be really personal and can be held anywhere! (In fact, today I’m off to help out at a memorial held at the local sailing club, on a floating pontoon.)
The most important factor is in allowing loved ones to attend some type of event together, where they can share memories and say goodbye.
If you’re making plans for your funeral (perhaps while writing your will or perhaps after seeing an ad on the telly) please don’t formalise anything without stopping for a moment to ask the people you care for, what matters to them.
And then make sure your ‘estate’ will allow for that. If you choose to go ‘direct’ they may feel you’ve denied them their right to remember.
You will definitely not be saving them grief, or money. (If you don’t plan for more than a swift and unattended removal, then your estate won’t pay for them to have ‘whatever they want to do later’)
If you choose not to plan for a funeral, then someone else will pay…. Perhaps with a memorial from their own pockets, but perhaps also with hurt, heartbreak and with a feeling that you left without saying goodbye. And maybe you think that will be easier when the time comes. The chances are, if you have loved ones, it won’t.
Talk about what you want. But importantly always talk to your loved ones about what they would want when the time comes. And then plan for that.
Let’s hope it’s a long way into the future. We are not promised tomorrow, but today is a gift!