16/04/2026
Everything changes after the loss of a spouse.
This was the person you spent most of your time with. This is who you made your plans with. The one who shared your worries.
Every part of your past, present, and future revolved around this person, and to be without them is really hard and lonely.
The people you spend time with donโt always seem to recognize the depth of your loss. This can be felt any time someone tries to cheer you up, smooth it over, or make it better. They mean well, but it doesn't really help.
I wish people would understand that itโs a couples world, and socializing after the loss of a spouse is never the same.
The problem isnโt just you who might feel awkward in a setting that's mostly couples. Your friends might hesitate (or all out avoid) inviting you along for fear that you'll feel out of place.
And nothing feels worse than that!
Here's the thing...when you loss your spouse it's like being half of a pair of scissors.
It's a feeling that not only is your other half missing, but you feel incomplete. So you're not only missing your spouse, but youโre also missing yourself too.
(Try cutting something with only half a pair of scissors!)
Every part of your day and routine is changed and altered, especially when itโs time to go to sleep. So you can't even escape it at night.
โDo I stay on my side of the bed, or do I move to the middle?โ
โEven with the lights out and my eyes closed I can still feel the emptiness of the bed.โ
โHow strange it feels to go to bed without having someone to say goodnight to, ending the day without a goodnight feels like leaving a period off a sentence.โ
This loss creates a vacancy in all the roles a very important person use to fill, and no else is going to be able to take the place of all the roles just like your spouse did.
And lying underneath the sadness and yearning for what you had is the realization of the blessings that your time together created.
But even that doesn't make you miss them any less.
Gary Sturgis
Author: โSURVIVING GRIEF โ 365 Days A Yearโ
