28/10/2024
This, always 🤍
I have a confession. When I was a newly trained peer supporter, all the way back in 2013, I thought that people who didn't breastfeed just hadn't tried hard enough, or didn't want it enough.
I was quickly humbled when I gave birth to my second baby, who absolutely would not breastfeed. Despite my training, despite my passion, and despite the excellent support I had access too. This kid would NOT latch, and nothing anyone did could change that. Not the tongue tie revision, the osteopathy, the skin to skin, the paced feeding, a ni**le shield, an SNS, not a rebirthing bath, none of the local IBCLCs... nothing and no one got my baby to breastfeed.
I pumped for him, but even that came with a degree of privilege. My eldest was in nursery 3 days a week, my husband worked 5 minutes away and came home for lunch, I was used to pumping from my previous breastfeeding journey, and I had hands on, supportive friends. One day, when my toddler was not in nursery, and my husband could not come home for lunch, I quickly realised how much harder pumping was without practical support.
My baby did eventually latch at 4 months old. Not because of anything anyone did (except for me managing to keep my milk supply in.)
And while the journey with him was intense, frustrating, and I cried as many tears as the ounces of milk I pumped - I am so grateful that he taught me how hard breastfeeding can be, because it made me so much better as a supporter and as a human.
Now, if someone tells me that breastfeeding didn't work - I believe them. End of story. Most people want to breastfeed, and most people feel upset when they stop breastfeeding before they wanted to. It doesn't matter how long they tried, or what they did. They WANTED to breastfeed and it DIDN'T work.
If you struggled to breastfeed and have some difficult feelings about that, my book, Breastfeeding grief; Understanding and Recovery is available online as a paperback and on Kindle.
