Barry Winbolt Online

Barry Winbolt Online Psychologist, therapist and writer.

Host of the 'Get a Better Handle On Life' podcast and practical Tinycast on stress, optimism, relationships, mindset and personal performance.

Most of us spend a lot of energy trying to predict and control what happens next. It feels safer that way. But life is a...
11/11/2025

Most of us spend a lot of energy trying to predict and control what happens next. It feels safer that way. But life is ambiguous, and so uncertainty comes as part of the deal.
This post looks at why our assumptions can trap us, and how learning to tolerate “not knowing” opens the door to growth, better relationships, and a more flexible way of living.

Uncertainty is a fact of life so, if you learn to accept uncertainty you are better able to grow and flourish, and life less is stressful.

Does your mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario? You’re not broken, just stuck in a habit. The good news is tha...
08/11/2025

Does your mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario? You’re not broken, just stuck in a habit. The good news is that a habit can be changed. This post explains the simple morning exrcise to retrain to do that.

You can escape the negative effects of pessimism by learning to reframe your thoughts. Reframing allows you to break out of single, pessimistic interpretations of events by training yourself to look for more optimistic possibilities. The effects of constant negativity – the way your mind always se...

If you allow your feelings to dictate your actions (as people who are depressed often do), you're likely to feel discour...
06/11/2025

If you allow your feelings to dictate your actions (as people who are depressed often do), you're likely to feel discouraged and also experience other knock-on effects....

You feel unmotivated and discouraged? We all do, sometimes. One of the main differences between people who get things done and those who don’t, is that the do-ers think about what they need to do, they don’t rely on their feelings to guide them. They can think about what needs to be done, make

Why Choose Solution Focused Brief Therapy? Therapy isn’t only for moments of crisis. Plenty of people choose therapy bec...
03/11/2025

Why Choose Solution Focused Brief Therapy? Therapy isn’t only for moments of crisis. Plenty of people choose therapy because they want to grow, sharpen how they think, or move forward in life with more clarity and confidence.

If you're weighing up whether therapy is right for you, or, like many people, refusing to consider it because you think "I can sort my own problems out", or some such misguided idea (if you can sort it out why haven't you already done it?), this post might help. It helps to understand the different

You Can Change the Way You Feel
02/11/2025

You Can Change the Way You Feel

You can change the way you feel if you know how to go about it. The problem is that we are not generally told this, nor shown how to do it. Feelings rule, and if you aren't able to control them, at least a little,

Why Many People Today Feel Unhappy and Unsuccessful.Here's why, and What to do about it.
27/10/2025

Why Many People Today Feel Unhappy and Unsuccessful.Here's why, and What to do about it.


It appears – according to the many questions on this theme that I regularly receive – that Modern Life leaves many people dissatisfied. Scratch the surface a little and, if this is true, it’s easy to see why this might be. I don't know the ages of the people who are asking these questions, but

Most of us take sleep for granted – until it stops working well. This Sleep Rhythms self test helps you uncover the bedt...
25/10/2025

Most of us take sleep for granted – until it stops working well. This Sleep Rhythms self test helps you uncover the bedtime habits that may be getting in the way of your natural ability to rest.



Good sleep doesn’t just happen – it’s built on habits, routines, and choices that set the stage for rest or restlessness. The Your Sleep Rhythms survey is designed to help you take a clear, honest look at your bedtime habits and how they influence the quality of your

How to put yourself first and be more use to others.
23/10/2025

How to put yourself first and be more use to others.


This is a dilemma that most of us face at some time or other "How to put yourself first and be more use to others?" Today, I was asked "What should I do in order to think about me instead of thinking about others, and how can I think positively about myself?" How to put yourself first My

Freedom and meaning may seem like elusive ideals, but not if we look in the right place. It starts with mindset, not mat...
21/10/2025

Freedom and meaning may seem like elusive ideals, but not if we look in the right place. It starts with mindset, not materialism.


When we think about freedom and meaning, we often focus on the external circumstances: money, career choices, relationships, or the ability to travel. While such things matter to most people, they don’t guarantee contentment, fulfillment, or a sense of purpose in life. Philosophers and thinkers ha...

Friendship and social connection matter. Social isolation is as harmful to people as other well-established risk factors...
19/10/2025

Friendship and social connection matter. Social isolation is as harmful to people as other well-established risk factors in life, like smoking and obesity.

Friendship and social connection matter because social isolation is as harmful to people as other well-established risk factors in life, like smoking and obesity. Friendship and social connection help us in all aspects of our live, including includes our identities and sense of purpose. Being well-c...

Comforting someone who is sad can be a challenging task, but don't avoid it even though it may make you uncomfortable. H...
12/10/2025

Comforting someone who is sad can be a challenging task, but don't avoid it even though it may make you uncomfortable. Here are some dos and don'ts.

Comforting someone when they are sad can be a difficult and emotional task, but it is an important one. Showing support and understanding can help the person feel less alone and can help them work through their emotions. Here are some ways to comfort someone when they are sad:

Identity is not a name, a job, or a role. It’s the core of who you are; values, beliefs, preferences, the unique mix of ...
10/10/2025

Identity is not a name, a job, or a role. It’s the core of who you are; values, beliefs, preferences, the unique mix of traits that shape you.


I often get asked about personal identity, as in "How can I find my true identity?" In this post, I reflect on what identity really means, why it matters, and five simple steps you can take today to uncover who you truly are. It’s not about becoming someone new – it’s about rediscovering the p...

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