03/03/2026
This is very helpful.
It has been an ongoing journey to firstly realise that I have cptsd and then to have validation, clarity about it.
As inferred in some of what's said in the post, it's as much about what wasn't allowed to be that should of for one to be whole, as it is about things that were done to us.
We were pickled in a chronically traumatising situation, our self mutilated into a performance that hid us from the threat
Copied and reposted:
"If like me you suffer with CPTSD then this is a good read 🩶
What CPTSD Actually Is
CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) comes from prolonged, repeated trauma, especially in relationships, not single events.
It’s not about one accident.
It’s not about one incident.
It’s about being unsafe for a long time, especially when escape isn’t possible.
Typical origins:
• Childhood emotional abuse
• Psychological abuse
• Narcissistic parenting
• Chronic neglect
• Coercive control
• Long-term domestic abuse
• Captive environments (emotionally or physically)
• Identity suppression
• Chronic invalidation
• Being trapped in unsafe relationships
PTSD vs CPTSD (simple)
PTSD:
“Something terrible happened to me.”
CPTSD:
“Something terrible happened to me for a long time, and it changed who I had to become to survive.”
Core Features of CPTSD
1. Nervous system dysregulation
Your body doesn’t feel safe even when nothing is happening:
• Hypervigilance
• Startle reflex
• Chronic anxiety
• Freeze response
• Shutdown
• Fatigue crashes
• Panic without clear cause
2. Emotional flashbacks (not visual memories)
You suddenly feel:
• Small
• Ashamed
• Trapped
• Worthless
• Helpless
• Overwhelmed
• Unsafe
No images. Just emotional states.
3. Identity damage
You don’t fully know who you are because you were shaped around survival:
• People-pleasing
• Fawning
• Perfectionism
• Fixing others
• Over-responsibility
• Self-blame
• Shame-based identity
• “I am the problem” core belief
4. Relationship trauma
You learned that love equals danger:
• Trauma bonding
• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of closeness
• Hyper-independence
• Tolerance of mistreatment
• Attraction to unsafe people
• Confusion between intensity and intimacy
5. Nervous system exhaustion
Long-term survival mode leads to:
• Chronic fatigue
• Pain syndromes
• Autoimmune patterns
• GI issues
• Brain fog
• Sleep disorders
• Somatic symptoms
• Fibromyalgia patterns
• Dysautonomia
The trauma adaptations (not flaws)
These were intelligent survival strategies:
• Fawn = stay safe by pleasing
• Freeze = stay safe by disappearing
• Fight = stay safe by controlling
• Flight = stay safe by escaping
• Fixing = stay safe by stabilizing others
• Perfectionism = stay safe by being flawless
• Hypervigilance = stay safe by scanning
• Dissociation = stay safe by numbing
None of these are character defects.
They are adaptations to danger.
CPTSD healing includes grief for:
• The childhood you didn’t get
• The safety you never had
• The self you couldn’t be
• The life that might have been
• The love that wasn’t safe
• The years lost to survival
• The version of you that never got to rest
This grief often feels like:
• Anger
• Sadness
• Regret
• Emptiness
• Mourning
• Longing
• Bitterness
• Confusion
All normal. All human.
Healing CPTSD is not about:
• “Moving on”
• “Forgiving”
• “Positive thinking”
• “Letting go”
• “Being grateful”
• “Reframing everything”
• “Staying strong”
• “Just calming down”
Healing CPTSD is about:
• Building internal safety
• Nervous system regulation
• Trauma-informed therapy
• Somatic healing
• Boundary repair
• Identity rebuilding
• Grief processing
• Safe relationships
• Learning what calm feels like
• Relearning trust in your body
• Learning rest without guilt
• Separating danger from memory
• Self-compassion skills
• Learning agency
• Learning choice
• Learning “no”
• Learning safe connection"
