18/12/2025
🎄 Elf ‘n’ Safety – Breaking News! 🎄
🚨 A crack team of HCS Safety operatives have gained access to a secret dossier of health and safety issues raised by those who work at the North Pole.
Read on to discover just a few of the findings – and our top tips on how YOU can help… 👇
🧑🎄 #1 – 16 Olympic-sized swimming pools!
An anonymous whistle-blower has described “erratic sleigh driving” and a series of “highly dubious landings” at the end of the night – and the cause is clear.
Santa is drinking an estimated 40 million litres of brandy on a typical Christmas Eve. That’s roughly 16 Olympic-sized swimming pools. Even for a gentleman of Santa’s stature, this could be a little excessive.
✅ How can you help?
• Consider offering an alcohol-free option
• Matcha tea seems to be a thing (although nobody knows why)
• H&S folks like BrewDog’s “Nanny State” 0% IPA – but then we would, wouldn’t we?
🎁 #2 – That Sack
Often the question is asked: “What does Santa do for the other 364 days of the year?”
Well, it seems he spends most of his time at the chiropractor’s or recovering from the mother of all hangovers (see #1).
Using TILE principles:
• Task – One sack, one planet, a matter of hours
• Individual – Santa is around 1,700 years old, so some long-term wear and tear is likely
• Load – Estimated at 500,000 metric tonnes (roughly the weight of the Burj Khalifa), with awkward and unpredictable shapes
• Environment – Rooftop work, icy surfaces and confined spaces
✅ How can you help?
• Tackle risk at source – think of Santa and the elves when writing your Christmas list
• Do you really need those matching “his and hers” bowling balls? Could you choose something lighter?
• If you have a lift, guide Santa to it – mechanisation helps!
🛷 #3 – Driving at Work, Access & Egress, Confined Spaces and Fire
Our whistle-blower reports a culture of “looking the other way”, “hoping for the best” and “total denial” around one of Santa’s biggest challenges.
High-speed driving under the influence (see #1), with no seatbelts, no ABS, no airbags, on icy surfaces and at height is clearly a serious combination of risks.
Confined spaces are another major issue. Some chimneys are simply not designed for a 1,700-year-old mythical entity with an expanding BMI.
✅ How can you help?
• Put out the festive yule log fire and clean the chimney
• No chimney? Get the boiler serviced – it all helps
• Those huge inflatable roof decorations may divide opinion, but they could double as a soft landing system in the event of sleigh braking failure
🥗 #4 – Unhealthy Eating
Our insider reports Santa can often be seen “begging for lettuce” and “snuffling round the elves’ canteen” in search of his 5-a-day.
This is hardly surprising when the average Christmas sees Santa consuming over 200 billion calories – even more if we’ve opted for “Finest” or “Taste the Difference” mince pies.
Sadly, Ozempic is not yet licensed for sale at the North Pole, so this may be a long game…
✅ How can you help?
• Be part of the solution – offer crudités
• Carrot sticks, red and green pepper slices and celery are low-fat and easily transferable to the reindeer
• Or… maybe just get M&S mini mince pies
🎄 For information on how you can improve your own health and safety standards, call the friendly elves at HCS Safety.
And remember…
👉 A health and safety consultant is for life, not just for Christmas.
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