The Wellness Project Counselling and Psychotherapy

04/03/2025

This quote was mentioned by Natasha Welfare during the webinar honoring Mark Widdowson, as she discussed his work with couples.

What is your favourite TA quote?

02/10/2024

Are you a perfectionist? Do you strive to be a perfect parent, child, partner or employee and does this hold you back? Read this 👇

'In the 1950s psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott specialised in relationships between parents and children.

In his clinical practice, he often met with parents who felt like failures: perhaps because their children hadn’t got into the best schools, or because there were sometimes arguments around the dinner table or the house wasn’t always completely tidy.

Winnicott’s crucial insight was that the parents’ agony was coming from a particular place: excessive hope. Their despair was a consequence of a cruel and counterproductive perfectionism.

To address this, Winnicott developed a charming phrase: what he called ‘the good enough parent’. No child, he insisted, needs an ideal parent. They just need an OK, pretty decent, usually well intentioned, sometimes grumpy but basically reasonable father or mother.

The concept of ‘good enough’ was invented as an escape from dangerous ideals. It began in relation to parenthood, but it can be applied across life more generally, especially around work and love.'

Source: www.schooloflife.com

05/09/2024

Lovely video combining ideas from Montessori Education and Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy.

Don't rescue them! This doesn't mean abandon them or set them up for failure. Just give a minimal steer in the right direction then step back and watch the magic happen.

This is how to build self esteem ❤️

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/LmUtQGZqhe6GhvCi/

29/08/2024

AND the therapist.....💯

24/08/2024

Love this.

Isn't it true that when you are young the advice seems never ending! Like you are an empty vessel that needs filling up with the brilliant ideas and opinions of parents/teachers etc. 🙄

When counselling teens and young adults I think they are amazed that there is no advice. I think they are equally amazed that they can say whatever they want and it stays in the room.

Back to the question. What do I wish I'd never been taught?

"If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger"

Where do I start with how unhealthy that is.

What do you wish you'd never been taught?

Mr W says it's an interesting question and is thinking on it for now...

N❤️

Credit: School of Life

19/08/2024

I've been told off for not including enough images of men in my couples counselling tips! Quite right too.

⭐️ Tip #5 Ditch the Relationship Myths

This might be any of the following:

- S*x is the most important thing in a relationship

- Having arguments is a bad sign

- You need to spend as much time together as possible

- You should share all the same hobbies and interests

- A great relationship is easy

- A relationship is about putting their needs above your own

Ditching these myths reveals that of course every relationship is completely different and you get to set your own agenda.

Sometimes the difficult bit is turning down the volume on someone else/cultural ideas and expectations.

When I work with couples in crisis I always suggest not seeking out advice and opinions.

Do you have any relationship myths to add to the list?

Let's throw them all in the 🗑

N❤️

16/08/2024

This is my tribute to the utterly irreplaceable and brilliant Mark Widdowson.

Mark has influenced me as a therapist more than any other professional in the mental health field. He trained me to work with couples and with trauma and I was lucky enough to catch him as a keynote speaker at a TA conference early in my career.

Right from the keynote, I had a proper therapy crush on Mark. He was clever and knowledgeable and experienced. He knew a load of impressive stuff. He had even written a book explaining EVERYTHING about TA! He used case studies and lived experience and bought things to life with his incredible storytelling.

And to compliment his impressive CV, he was also naughty and funny and irreverent. His Child Ego State was never quiet for long.

The net result for me as a student was that I learned a ton of brilliant material to use with my clients and had a bloody good time in the process!

I loved that he challenged outdated therapy norms and can still hear him saying, "FFS therapists need to stop being so uptight - if a client asks you where you are going on holiday just tell them!"

I quoted him recently in my wedding speech because of course anything you learn as a therapist you can apply to yourself - to your own life. It's one of the perks of the job! I said to my now husband, "My couples counselling trainer says that the sign of a good relationship is when both people think they've got the best deal."

Well Mark, I certainly had the best deal in getting to know you and absorbing as much as I could from your incredible life and work.

Thank-you. I promise to try and do the best I can with everything you have taught me. 🙏

I want to send love to everyone who has been affected by this huge loss, especially his beloved partner whom he talked about all the time.

❤️

11/08/2024

Recapping on my Couples Counselling Tips before adding some new ones next week.

1. ROCK THE BOAT BABY - if you don't say it out loud it can't be resolved and is likely to turn into a distorted resentment

2. FIGHT FAIR - focus on the issue and avoid point scoring and character assassination

3. TALK ABOUT MONEY - often over time what has been agreed regarding money changes and needs revisiting (make discussions about money the norm so that it doesn't feel awkward)

4. HELP DON'T RESCUE - rather than building a pattern of dependency try empathic listening to show you care and then stepping back; empowering your partner to find their own solutions

Working with couples is one of the most challenging and yet rewarding parts of my job.

More Couples Counselling Tips next week ❤️

30/07/2024

As a Bupa approved Counsellor I meet the following criteria:

✔️ Accredited by NCPS
✔️ Registered with BACP
✔️ DBS checked
✔️ Evidenced Regular Supervision
✔️ Evidenced Professional Indemnity Insurance
✔️ Minimum 3 years in full-time practise

I say this not wanting an accolade. I just think it's important that when vulnerable clients are looking for help, they know what sort of things to look out for.

I also want to let people know I accept Bupa as this might make therapy more accessible.

N❤️

20/06/2024

Antidotes for popcorn brain:

Read a book
Practise yoga/meditation/mindfulness
Do things and go places without your phone
Learn how to wind down

18/06/2024

Bloody loved this!

Eric (great big blue Gruffalo thing) represents Vincent's shadow. The monster follows Vincent (creative genius and tortured soul) around NYC articulating his darkest feelings of guilt and shame. Brilliant depiction of addiction.

Not sure anyone other than Benedict Cumberbatch could have pulled this off!

14/06/2024

Interesting study looking at client experiences of counselling within the NHS.

No surprises to learn that clients want a therapist to deeply understand them as an individual and provide tailored support and strategies.

Also worth noting - it amazes me just how often clients say they have felt judged by a therapist. The report backs this up with a younger client saying she felt judged because of her age.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10503307.2024.2360448?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2u5v2n6rp8xrYvfKfcMAbCxoBTsT9a3LzmDuBJhWCuJx8mLJnwMhL9Trc_aem_ZmFrZWR1bW15MTZieXRlcw

This qualitative study explores patients’ experiences of psychotherapy, focusing on elements perceived as helpful or unhelpful and suggestions for improvement in the context of public mental health...