26/10/2025
Instead of asking yourself ‘why did I do that?’, try this...
‘What was I really feeling?’ If your first answer is stressed or pi**ed off, go deeper. Frustrated? Disappointed? Let down? Lonely? Bored?
Next ask:
‘What did I need?’ was it support? clarity? a sense of purpose? understanding?
When we dig a bit deeper we take away all that gross shame and blame and get closer to the root of what’s really going on.
We can meet ourselves (and others) with more compassion, AND once we start to recognise those unmet needs, we can communicate them and find ways to address them.
If beating ourselves up for acting out of alignment with our values worked, we’d all be noticing the difference by now.
People, you included, are generally doing the best they can with what they’ve got, and sometimes that doesn’t look pretty!
This is not about excuses or permission to be a dick, it’s about getting to know ourselves better so that we can be kinder, more effective humans.
Things are hard rn, and I see you doing your best.
Love you! x
(*This is part of the theory of Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg - I highly recommend reading his book to understand more)
