06/12/2025
If I had to describe PDA in 60 seconds…
I’d say:
Imagine living in a body that constantly scans for control and safety.
Where everyday demands, getting dressed, going to school, brushing your teeth, can feel like someone’s grabbing the steering wheel of your nervous system.
It’s not defiance. It’s not manipulation.
It’s a deep, automatic survival response that kicks in when autonomy feels threatened.
So when you see avoidance, what you’re really seeing is protection.
When you see refusal, what’s underneath is fear.
And when you offer connection instead of control, you begin to see regulation instead of resistance.
PDA isn’t about won’t, it’s about can’t right now.
And when we shift from power to partnership, everything begins to change.
NOW.....If I had to explain what’s happening in the nervous system in 60 seconds…
I’d say:
A PDAer’s brain moves faster into survival mode than most people realise.
The amygdala fires quickly.
The prefrontal cortex, the part that handles reasoning, planning, flexibility, goes offline.
The body floods with adrenaline.
Their capacity suddenly shrinks.
And the only thing their nervous system cares about is regaining a sense of safety and autonomy.
This is why logic doesn’t land.
Why reasoning doesn’t work.
Why consequences backfire.
Why “just do it” feels impossible.
Their brain isn’t choosing avoidance,
their brain is choosing protection.
When we reduce the pressure, stay curious, and offer safety instead of force…
the nervous system re-regulates, the prefrontal cortex comes back online, and the child becomes available to reconnect.
PDA isn’t a behavioural problem.
It’s a nervous system response.
And understanding this is the key!
