31/08/2021
“This was taken 2 days before I met the psychiatrist who would help to save me from my PPD. As I stared vacantly at my daughter, I contemplated skipping that appointment. What could this doctor possibly do for me?
Is it ironic that as a pharmacist myself, I wanted nothing to do with antidepressants?
I had learned these medications inside out and rattled them off like ABCs in school at one point, but somehow I was too scared and impatient to take them. I knew the side effects; I knew they took awhile; I knew it might take months to adjust doses or find the right one.
I also knew I was depressed.
So depressed.
And anxious.
Try as I might to lie on the questionnaires, I couldn’t fool myself. Scary intrusive thoughts multiple times a day, along with the complete loss of purpose made it so obvious to me. Nothing brought joy. Nothing was funny anymore.
Yet I found it hard to ask for help, to try antidepressants. I brushed off therapists as a waste of time, thinking it was too late for CBT. I dismissed that antidepressants could actually help “fix” what was wrong.
What I needed was for breastfeeding to be magically easy, for someone to tell me exactly what to do when my baby cried. Ha. I needed to FEEL something other than empty again. These pills needed to work like yesterday.
It’s like I gave up before I started.
But luckily I went to that appt. And she convinced me to give the Zoloft a chance. As a humbled pharmacist now, I can tell you antidepressants aren’t easy and they’re not a cure-all. But I will also tell you that they CAN help play a part in your recovery.
You still need to put in the work. But we need to remove the stigma around taking antidepressants and instill a culture that says . No shame in getting help. I know I truly believe in antidepressants and therapy now. They helped to untangle my mind from insurmountable guilt and shame.
Mama, if deep down you know you need the help, ask for it. Don’t give up before you start. It may feel hopeless or useless, but you might be surprised what happens. I am only one story, but I hope it can still be a ray of hope. ❤️”
Credit : Pearls of Jasmine on Instagram
