Siobhan Graham Psychotherapy

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Siobhan Graham Psychotherapy

A psychotherapy service for adults (16+) offering CBT, EMDR & Supervision (based from a residential clinic in Tring, West Hertfordshire)

* Coronavirus Update **
While I am still offering therapy and supervision, in line with advice from my professional body, I am currently only offering sessions either by phone or video link. I will return immediately to face to face sessions as soon as possible. Siobhan is an experienced Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapist specialising in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR). She also offers the opportunity for clinical supervision to fellow therapists and students undertaking CBT training. Siobhan Graham Psychotherapy is a service for adults (16+). Siobhan works with a wide variety of disorders including agoraphobia, anger, anxiety, chronic pain, depression, grief and bereavement, low self esteem, obsessive-compulsive disorders, panic, phobias, self-harm, stress and trauma. She believes the relationship between therapist and client is at the heart of successful therapy. Siobhan is particularly interested in the treatment of depression, low self-esteem, stress and trauma. Working from a residential clinic in Tring (on the borders of Buckinghamshire, and West Hertfordshire), she works with people irrespective of their culture, race, gender, disability or sexual preference.

21/11/2025

New Blog!

Understanding and Overcoming Bullying: A Guide for Teens

Bullying can make you believe some really untrue things about yourself. But here's the thing - those thoughts aren't facts.

This guide uses CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to help you:
🧠 Recognise and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns
💪 Take back control with practical strategies
🤝 Know when and how to ask for help

Whether you're dealing with exclusion, cyberbullying, or that "subtle" stuff that gets dismissed as banter - this is for you.

https://www.siobhangraham.com/understanding-and-overcoming-bullying-a-guide-for-teens/

Share with someone who needs it, and remember you deserve to feel safe, valued and heard 💜

***de

14/11/2025

Why We Struggle with Our Feelings 🧠 💓

I’ve just finished .brackett brilliant book Dealing with Feeling and it got me thinking about why so many of us find emotions difficult to manage.

Most of us weren’t taught how. Many of us grew up hearing “don’t cry,” “calm down,” or “you’re too sensitive.” We learned to suppress rather than understand what we feel.

Why we have emotions:

Emotions exist to give us information. Fear alerts us to danger. Anger tells us our boundaries have been crossed. Sadness signals loss. Joy shows us what matters. They’re not problems to fix – they’re data to decode.

What is emotional regulation?

It’s not about controlling or eliminating emotions. It’s recognising what you feel, understanding why, and responding in ways that serve you rather than sabotage you.

Why we can’t deal with our feelings:

We confuse feelings with facts. When we feel anxious, we believe something terrible will happen. When we feel rejected, we assume we’re unlovable. We mistake the emotion for reality instead of information.

We also lack vocabulary. Many of us can only name a handful of emotions – happy, sad, angry, fine. Without precise words, we can’t process what’s happening inside us.

Strategies to quiet mind and body:

✨ Name it to tame it – simply labelling an emotion reduces its intensity.

✨ Breathe before you react – three slow breaths create space to choose your response.

✨ Ask what this feeling needs – anger may need boundaries, sadness acknowledgment, anxiety reassurance.

Practice makes permanent:

The more you pause to name and understand your emotions, the more automatic it becomes. Each time you choose to respond rather than react, you strengthen your capacity for emotional regulation.

The goal isn’t to feel good all the time. It’s to feel all your feelings and know what to do with them.

Repost: Julia Samuel

03/01/2025

For many, January is a hard, cold month…

When everyone is setting new goals, laying down righteous ground rules and striving to become a better version of themselves, some of us are fighting to find our feet each day...

You see, December is a month of giving, and some of us, come January, are completely and utterly spent.

A month of remembering everyone, and remembering absolutely everything.

A month of including everyone and of reaching out to each and every person we have ever known.

A month of reaching breaking point every day trying to have fun, to be the ultimate hostess, to be the perfect guest.

A month of stretching ourselves financially, emotionally and of letting our boundaries be breached by many... in the spirit of the season.

And then January hits and bam... before we can even begin the arduous task of clearing away the festivities, we are expected to jump on the ‘new year, new you’ bandwagon and transform ourselves entirely.

For some of us this is just too much.

January is the darkest and most depressing month of the year and for many sensitive souls, the barrage of ‘advice’ on how we ‘should’ be living, is just too much.

So perhaps this is a safe place to say that maybe it’s okay to take a week or two to recover and to just be kind to ourselves before demanding better.

And for those of us who really do fall low in the darkest month of the year. For those of us who have given too much and to whom the future looks bleak - perhaps this is the right place to say - you are absolutely fine the way you are. Just stay.

Take some time to breathe.

Take some time to not think about anything much at all except breathing in and breathing out.

Take some time to build back up, not tear your yourself down.

For many, this month is a mountain that looks unclimbable.

Be kind, my friends. Always.

Repost: Donna Ashworth
Art: Jennifer Elson

27/11/2024

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
Winnie the Pooh ~ A.A. Milne

Sending positive vibes to those having a Difficult Day today. I hope you have your own Piglet to sit beside you.

14/09/2024

The Importance of Being Held

The average length of a hug between two people is 3 seconds. But research has discovered when a hug lasts 20 seconds, there is a therapeutic effect on the body and mind - a sincere embrace produces a hormone called "oxytocin" (known as the love hormone). Oxytocin has many benefits to our physical and mental health. It helps us to relax, to feel safe and to calm our fears and anxiety.

A famous quote by psychotherapist Virginia Satir goes, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Whether those exact numbers have been scientifically proven remains to be seen, but there is a great deal of scientific evidence related to the importance of hugs and physical contact. Here are some reasons why we should hug::

1. STIMULATES OXYTOCIN
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that acts on the limbic system (the brain’s emotional centre), promoting feelings of contentment and reducing anxiety and stress. It is the hormone responsible for us all being here today. It is released during childbirth, making our mothers forget about all of the excruciating pain they endured expelling us from their bodies and making them want to still love and spend time with us. New research from the University of California suggests that it has a similarly civilising effect on human males, making them more affectionate and better at forming relationships and social bonding. When we hug someone, oxytocin is released into our bodies by our pituitary gland, lowering both our heart rates and our cortisol levels. Cortisol is the hormone responsible for stress, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

2. CULTIVATES PATIENCE
Connections are fostered when people take the time to appreciate and acknowledge one another. A hug is one of the easiest ways to show appreciation and acknowledgement of another person. The world is a busy, hustle-bustle place and we’re constantly rushing to the next task. By slowing down and taking a moment to offer sincere hugs throughout the day, we’re benefiting ourselves, others, and cultivating better patience within ourselves.

3. PREVENTS DISEASE
Affection has a direct response on the reduction of stress which prevents many diseases. The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine says it has carried out more than 100 studies into touch and found evidence of significant effects, including faster growth in premature babies, reduced pain, decreased autoimmune disease symptoms, lowered glucose levels in children with diabetes, and improved immune systems in people with cancer.

4. STIMULATES THYMUS GLAND
Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the Solar Plexus Chakra. This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body’s production of white blood cells, which keep you healthy and disease free.

5. COMMUNICATION WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
Almost 70 percent of communication is nonverbal. The interpretation of body language can be based on a single gesture and hugging is an excellent method of expressing yourself nonverbally to another human being or animal.

6. SELF-ESTEEM
Hugging boosts self-esteem, especially in children. The tactile sense is all-important in infants. A baby recognises its parents initially by touch. From the time we’re born our family’s touch shows us that we’re loved and special. The associations of self-worth and tactile sensations from our early years are still imbedded in our nervous system as adults. The cuddles we received from our family while growing up remain imprinted at a cellular level, and hugs remind us at a somatic level of that. Hugs, therefore, connect us to our ability to self love.

7. STIMULATES DOPAMINE
Everything everyone does involves protecting and triggering dopamine flow. Low dopamine levels play a role in the neurodegenerative disease Parkinson’s as well as mood disorders such as depression. Dopamine is responsible for giving us that feel-good feeling, and it’s also responsible for motivation! Hugs stimulate brains to release dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Dopamine sensors are the areas that many stimulating drugs such as co***ne and methamphetamine target. The presence of a certain kinds of dopamine receptors are also associated with sensation-seeking.

8. STIMULATES SEROTONIN
Reaching out and hugging releases endorphins and serotonin into the blood vessels and the released endorphins and serotonin cause pleasure and negate pain and sadness and decrease the chances of getting heart problems, helps fight excess weight and prolongs life. Even the cuddling of pets has a soothing effect that reduces the stress levels. Hugging for an extended time lifts one’s serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.

9. PARASYMPATHETIC BALANCE
Hugs balance out the nervous system. The skin contains a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure centres called Pacinian corpuscles that can sense touch and which are in contact with the brain through the vagus nerve. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance. The effect in moisture and electricity in the skin suggests a more balanced state in the nervous system – parasympathetic.

Art: Dorina Costras
Adapted from a post by Sacred Dreams

14/09/2024

It’s been 63 years since su***de was decriminalised in Great Britain. But so many of us still use the term ‘commit su***de’.

Why does it matter? Language that links su***de and crime can increase stigma and prevent people struggling with suicidal thoughts from speaking out.

If we choose language like ‘died by su***de’ or ‘took their own life’ we allow space for open conversations and compassion. Let’s choose our words carefully.

***dePreventionDay ***dePrevention ***de

27/08/2024

Lovely poem by Becky Hemsley for all those who are not 'fine' ...

Today I said “I’m fine”, not once
But five times altogether
When people asked “how are you?”
Then made small talk of the weather

And so I hid behind my mask
The one I’d worn a while
I set in place my bravest face
And dressed it with a smile

And that was how the day went
All “I’m fine” and talk of rain
Until somebody asked me how I was
Then asked again

They asked if I was truly fine
And I said I was not
And they said they were sorry
That they couldn’t do a lot

But then they sat beside me
Whilst I spoke the truth at last
They listened and they held me
As the tears slipped through my mask

And where before, I’d felt I should
Maintain this brave façade,
I realised there was much to gain
By letting down my guard

See, though my load was still the same
It now was not as heavy
‘Cause sitting and offloading it
Had helped a bit already

Today they asked “how are you?”
And I told them I was fine
‘Til someone saw behind the mask
And asked me one more time

And though they may have felt
That there was little they could do
They’ll never know how much it meant
To tell someone the truth

Artwork: Gustav Klimt

15/08/2024

To all those awaiting exam results ….

School qualifications and exams are important. That is simply a fact. If you can get decent qualifications at school, it will give you more opportunities to choose from, which can make life easier for you. But they aren’t the be all and end all of everything. To everyone who got the results they were hoping for today- a huge congratulations, you deserve it! And to everyone who didn’t get the results they needed, or wanted, it’s honestly not the end of the world. Everything you do in life, everything that happens - it all shapes you into the person you are. The failures possibly more than the successes - making it through difficult times and picking yourself up again takes strength and courage.

So, my advice, for what’s it worth, to EVERYONE who gets their results over the next couple of weeks is this:

• Take every opportunity offered to you, however small - you never know where it will lead.

• Never assume anything or anyone is ‘beneath you’.

• Only YOU can measure your success by what matters to YOU. ‘Success’ isn’t just about exam results, or wealth and possessions. If you can make a difference to the world, or to one person’s life, that is important too.

• None of us know what the future holds, so don’t put off happiness for another time.

• You only get one life, make the most of it! Don’t assume anything will come easily, and be prepared to put in the hard work to get what you want- and be prepared to fail sometimes too. Because that’s just life, and if you can deal with failure, you can deal with life. Most successful people will have had false starts, failures, made wrong decisions at some point- but that all led them to where they are now.

• Believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, why will anyone else believe in you?

• Despite what society might tell you, there is no right or wrong way to ‘do’ life. What works for one person, will not work for another.

• Try and be the best person you can be. Be kind, and help others. If it doesn’t bring any other benefits, it will make you happier than being an idiot will.

• Listen to your parents occasionally. They do know some stuff. They might even understand how you feel sometimes, because they were young once too.

So cheers to you all, whether you are celebrating or commiserating - you have your whole lives ahead of you, so have faith in the future, and in yourselves

28/06/2024

"Can I let you in on a secret about friendships in adulthood?

Sometimes they are really freaking hard.
Like, really freaking hard.

But so often the friends we have in our adult years are the only thing saving us from hitting rock bottom.

The truth is that even the strongest friendship bonds are not forged in stone. No, just as life is ever changing, friendships will always ebb and flow.

Sometimes your closest friends fade away into the background of your life.
Sometimes background friends somehow become part of your inner circle.

Sometimes brand new people enter your life and become the friends you never knew you needed.
Sometimes your heart aches because it misses the friendships that used to be but are no more.

No matter where you are in your adult friendship journey, don't overthink it and don't dwell in the past.

Instead, hold on tight and ride the friendship wave.

Welcome the ones that find their way to you.
Send peace to the ones who fade away.
Love the friends that are there right now."

Changing Perspectives with Jenny Brennan
Shared from

30/05/2024

Really feeling this today ....

The best advice I could give any young woman is to not wish yourself smaller.
You must take up space in this world, how else will you make the impact you were born to?
Don’t wish yourself less either, you are loud, you are passionate, you are messy and that’s a beautiful thing to behold.
The world needs you to be big.
The world needs you to be bold.
The world cries for you to break and rebuild without shame and stop apologising for everything you're not.
You must take up space in this world.
Don’t shrink,
never shrink.

Donna Ashworth
Art by John Krum

13/05/2024

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week!💜

This year’s theme is movement: moving more for our mental health.

Movement is important for our mental health. But so many of us struggle to move enough.

How can you find more moments for movement in your daily routine?

Going for a walk, putting on your favourite music and dancing around the living room, doing some squats while you're waiting for the kettle to boil – it all counts!

07/05/2024

For anyone who needs to hear this ...

You don't need to take care of everything.
You don't have to be a super mum, a super housewife, a super professional, or a super woman.
Because when your body gets tired, few will remember that you tried to be all of this in one person.
So, leave the housework for later. Go for a walk, go to the gym, sit with a coffee, sleep, be yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself, and do it exclusively for you.
Kids grow up, husbands sometimes leave, jobs find replacements, and the house will get dirty again, but you don't get a second chance.🫶🏼

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Tring
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http://www.siobhangraham.com/

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