05/11/2025
As a psychotherapist who works with domestic abuse, narcissistic abuse and misogyny, I want to be very clear about what is happening here. His behaviour is a form of boundary testing and emotional abuse.
The shift between affection and coldness is not accidental. It is a psychological tactic known as the hot and cold cycle (intermittent reinforcement). He gives warmth and attention only at certain times, then withdraws or becomes rude. This pattern creates emotional confusion and dependency, where you start waiting for the loving version of him to reappear.
In Pakistani culture, many men are raised with misogynistic beliefs that assume their emotional needs are central and unquestionable. At the same time, many women are raised with internalised misogyny, where patience, silence and emotional endurance are seen as signs of love. We are conditioned to tolerate pain and to believe that our value lies in how much we can endure. So when mistreatment happens, women often blame themselves instead of recognising the abuse.
This behaviour will not improve with time or marriage. It usually intensifies because the man feels entitled to even more emotional control. The longer this continues, the more it erodes your sense of self, confidence and emotional stability.
A healthy partner offers consistency, respect and emotional safety. Love does not leave you anxious, uncertain or diminished.
You deserve steady care, clarity and dignity. You do not have to earn basic respect.
