Effective Thoughts

19/02/2026

My week of having AI supervision for some of my leadership coaching sessions*

Although it was a bit weird/cringe to see my words scrutinised, it gives a useful snapshot of how coaching sessions can go.

AI:
You invited the client to set the session's focus, supporting client autonomy

You facilitated productive transitions by recalling past context

You used targeted questions to explore beliefs and surface practical barriers

You encouraged reflection on successes already achieved

You encouraged small, concrete steps to support client progress and accountability

You create spaced for the client's self-reflection about their own needs

You affirmed and celebrated the client’s courage and progress

You partnered with the client in designing a new self-supportive approach

You facilitate your client's insight through reflective listening and summarization

You empower client autonomy by inviting them to lead risk assessment and monitoring

If you're coaching curious, book a free consultation via my profile link.

*with agreement from the client

18/02/2026

*Allowing* rather than ignoring or repressing boosts our capacity for change and our ability to recover from stress.

Just having awareness and noticing our nervous system, feelings, and responses will build our self trust.

Self trust is our superpower - it allows us to face adversity and uncertainty.

It can take a lot of practise to develop self trust after a lifetime of overriding our feelings and needs, but we will start to see the advantages of just noticing very quickly.

If you don’t know where to start, my coaching can help. You can book a free consultation via my link.

18/02/2026

How to be assertive when it feels scary and difficult.

1. Acknowledge the fear. It's understandable, most of us grew up being told off or quietened for stating our needs.

2. Reassure self, those parts of us that are scared ("I can be brave", "I've got this"). Regulate your nervous system by reconnecting to the body in this moment.

3. Use assertive language ("I want to"/"I need to") without offering alternatives or apologies. Stick to the purpose.

4. Let go of trying to guess the outcome. This includes preemptive over empathy of how the other person might feel. Fear can lead us down story pathways towards outcomes that might not happen.

When we are not used to advocating for ourselves, it feels hard. But we can recognise that and do it anyway 👏

12/02/2026

Conflicting or coexisting?

Notice the 2 seemingly opposing forces and directions in the flow of the water.

If you use nature as a metaphor - How does this relate to your experiences, as a individual and as part of a system?

11/02/2026

A reminder of one of the most powerful stress processing tools we have...

Acknowledgement.

Just noticing and allowing, without judgement.

We can do this by consciously checking in and listing what we notice. That's it. No need to analyse or fix in that moment.

More than anything, our emotional and physical sensations want to be affirmed to signal safety and help with regulation. Even when those feelings are uncomfortable.

08/02/2026

Signs of an unhealthy relationship (at work or home)..

- feeling drained or confused after contact
- having your 'no' overridden
- re-hashing discussions
- avoiding giving your opinion
- your feelings get dismissed or minimised
- something feels wrong but you're not sure what

Other signs might be that you:
- automatically minimise or justify their poor behaviour toward you
- you desperately try to prevent their upset
- you tell yourself you're being over sensitive

It's a hard truth, to admit that someone in our lives is not safe. Part of us knows that they will not receive any feedback on their behaviour with empathy.

Hence, we often choose connection over authenticity. However, this leaves us feeling dismissed, resentful and dysregulated.

Even though its hard, some work or friend relationships can be maintained with active awareness, allies, self compassion, boundaries, and space.

Closer, intimate relationships (especially with an emotionally unsafe parent) are another level of complexity. See link in bio/website to my ebook: 'Invisible Damage: Recovering from a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent'.

If you are coaching curious, book a free consultation to discuss. I have 20 years' experience, as well as trauma certification and true life trained.

06/02/2026

Becoming more authentic in life - whether setting boundaries at work or changing expected roles at home - can be met with resistance from others.

This can be because it highlights how they too need to take charge and be less of a victim to their perceived obligations. They might be resentful or jealous that they have not considered their own needs. Or your changes may challenge their habits. 

Whatever creates this response in others has nothing to do with you.

06/02/2026

Other people's irritation toward your self compassion reflects only on them.

Some people will show resentment or annoyance when you learn to drop the obligations, to set boundaries, to advocate for yourself.

It's uncomfortable. But staying where you were feels more uncomfortable.

04/02/2026

Worthing in-person appointments are available on Wednesdays.

Book a free consultation or message me 🙂

03/02/2026

Feeling stuck? Shutdown? Despondent?

We cannot force ourselves to comply by will power or self shaming. Nervous system shutdown comes from the body being in protective mode.

The way out of shutdown starts with the body. Try these 3 steps.

1. Connect to your senses.
2. Acknowledge, without judgement, what you are noticing.
3. Gently try small movements or stretches.

You can then ascertain what might be useful for you in this moment. Maybe seeking support, taking a walk, meditating, moving.

01/02/2026

February reflections on 'hope', news and questions

As we head into February, the potential for growth is stirring in nature. We see snowdrops and crocuses emerge. Daylight is no longer capped at 4pm. We are still in winter, but there is hope for what comes next. Reflection - 'Hope' can often be akin to 'toxic positivity' (that is to override pain wi...

29/01/2026

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.