08/02/2026
“Everything happens for a reason” is one of those phrases people reach for when they don’t know what else to say.
It sounds comforting. Neat. Like it ties pain up with a bow.
But for a lot of people, it actually does the opposite.
It suggests that suffering is somehow purposeful.
That trauma was necessary.
That loss, abuse, illness, grief or betrayal were part of a plan.
And that can land as deeply invalidating.
Because sometimes things happen for no reason at all. Sometimes things happen because systems fail, people cause harm, or life is simply unfair.
Telling someone “everything happens for a reason” can quietly place meaning where there is none and responsibility where it doesn’t belong.
It can also shut conversations down. If there’s a “reason,” why question it? Why be angry? Why grieve properly? Why want things to be different?
Here’s a truer, harder version 👇
Things happen.
We then decide what we do next.
Meaning isn’t pre-installed. It’s something people build later, often with a lot of effort, support, and time.
Horses are a good reminder of this. They don’t assume pressure is meaningful. They don’t spiritualise pain. They respond to what’s happening in front of them and seek safety first.
And maybe that’s the kinder takeaway.
Not that everything happens for a reason. But that after something happens, we’re allowed to feel it, name it, and choose what comes next.
If this phrase has ever made you feel worse rather than better, you’re not broken. You’re just honest.
