11/10/2013
12 learning to monitor our mental state
The key to experiencing compassion that aries naturally is creating relaxed state of mind. However, there are also other techniques that help to expand compassion toward others. These tecniques involve adopting progressive stages of a compassionate attitude. The first stage is to try to stop thinking of ourselves as being more important than others. The second stage is to try to mentally put ourselves in another’s place-to be willing to exchange ourselves with others. The third stage is to regard others as more important than ourserves.
We cannot start offregarding others as more important than ourselves because it is very difficult to do. That’s why we begin with the first two stages. The third stage of compassion has as its basis a profound sense of love and affection. Most mothers experience the third stage of compassion when they have a child, when, for the most part, a mother regards her baby as more important than herself. Most mothers don’t experience this attitude before having a baby. Until the baby comes along, a woman may feel that her own feelings and safety are paramount. However, as soon as the baby is born, there is a spontaneous shift in the mother’s attitude. Wherein the baby becomes the more important person. A mother’s or father’s feeling for a child is a very good example of the attitude we are striving for in the third stage in cultivating compassion.
What causes this change in the mother’s or father’s attitude? There must be a reason. The reason is love and affection. A very strong feeling of love and caring on the part of the parents arises in response to their child, something very pure. What makes it pure? It is the fact that the mother or father is not expecting anything back from the baby. That’s a very important point. For when love expects a reward, it may appear to be pure love, but actually it’s more like a business transaction.
People are always talking about love-love between friends, love between couples. People who care about each other often say, “ I love you”. They say this when they feel very close to one another. But what does love really mean?. We need to investigate a little more deeply. We may not know what pure you very much”. However, sooner or later, one person may discover that what they are really in love with is not the other person, but the pleasurable peeling they get from their attraction to the other person. When the feeling of attraction diminishes, the feeling of love subsides as well. If the attraction disappears, the love disappears. That’s very sad.
What this means is that the love was not pure. Sometimes couples who think they really love each other dicover a problem in their relationship. They slowly begin to experience difficulties. They start to bicker. If dhey can’t resolve the problem, thay my tray to get help from a therafist. Maybe the ostensible problem is the small thing: one person wants to go hiking, and the other says, “ I hate hiking”. The issue is small, but it is a symptom that perharps they are not getting along well. What is the basis of the relationship? Is it love? Or is it need? If the relationship is rootednin need, then whenever the need for the other person is reduced, love is reduced.
Love needs to be based on care and respect. If love is based on genuine care and respect, then that type of love is very pure, very stable. You could call it “unshakable love”. If love is based on attraction or need, however, that love is fragile and shallow. A mother’s love for a child is an example of unshakable love. The mother is not wishing or hoping for a reward from the child. She’s not saying, “ I wish just once my child would make me a cup of coffee.”
Through this powerful feeling of love, the mother automatically learns patience.through love she learns diligence. Through love she learns concentration. Through love she learns what is means to be aware. Wherever the child is, the mother will know. The mother may be having a conversation with you, but part of her thoughts are on the child. Part of her mind is always tracking the movements of the child. All of this awareness, patience, diligence, and concentration comes from a pure feeling of love toward the child. Whatever important business the mother needs to carry on, whatever the occasion, the mother will not forget for even one second that she is responsible for her child. In the Tibetan language we call that quality drenpa, which means mindfulness.
Spiritual practitioners need to develop mindfulness of their own mental state that is as powerful as a mother’s mindfulness of her child’s well-being. You could say that the mother’s mindfulness of her child’s welfare is rarely interrupted. If the child is a small baby, the mother is constantly thinking about it. What is the baby doing? Is it hungry? Is it thirsty? Is it cold? Is it fine? And so forth. She gives the child unceasing attention. It is that degree of attention, of paying attention, that a spiritual practitioner needs.
In order to eventually be able to influence our mental state for the better, we first need to be able to monitor what is taking place in our own mind. Are the thoughts negative or positive? What is our attitude at any given moment? However, just monitoring our mental state will not bring about change. We need to be able to switch directions if we are in a negative frame of mind. That is possible. We can switch directions-we can change a negative mental state into something neutral, or even-minded. We can then change that even-minded state into something wholesome and noble. That is possible. But having a noble attitude is still not sufficient, because even with a noble attitude there’s still some sense of clinging, though it may be very subtle. Whenever our attention clings to something-holds a concept in mind-we create a platform upon which negative emotions can return and start to accumulate.
