https://linktr.ee/emily_themindmechanic

The Mind Mechanic, Cork (2025)

22/09/2025

We don’t talk enough about outgrowing friendships. The guilt, the ache, the confusion. A friend who once felt like home can start to feel like distance. Not because of a fight, but because you’ve both changed.

It hurts... because no one warns you that friendships can expire without drama. They just fade.

Outgrowing a friendship isn’t betrayal. It’s part of growth. Some people belong to chapters, not the entire book.

We change so much throughout our lives and as a result our priorities shift. When we meet people it is often within a certain phase of your life - whatever that looks like. Our wild college days, our quiet studious days, our tough emotional days, our nostalgic childhood days, our career driven days etc.. you meet people in these contexts and often if you outgrow the context the friendship can go too.

And that's ok. Your shared experience has passed.

You’re allowed to love what it was, and release what no longer fits. Letting go creates space for connections that meet who you are now, not who you used to be.

20/09/2025

Do you notice how often you’re the one holding it all? Fixing. Soothing. Carrying the weight for two. Overfunctioning feels like love, but at its core, it’s fear. Fear that if you don’t hold it together, it will all collapse.

But here’s the truth: when one person carries it all, imbalance and resentment grow. Real intimacy is not built on one person holding both loads.

Love doesn’t mean carrying everything. It means walking side by side, sharing the weight, trusting the other to hold their part too.

Relationships are never 50/50. Because the other person could be 10 and need you to be 90. And you could be 30 the next day and need them to be 70. Its a fluctuation on a scale. But if you are constantly carrying over 50... it won't sustain and it will breed resentment.

Communication is not to be feared, often we carry these loads without telling others it has gotten heavy. Allow the scale to shift and change. It's not all on you.

18/09/2025

We’ve all said it: “It’s fine.” when it’s not. Avoidance feels safer in the moment than honesty. Communication is scary. Disappointment is scary.

A slammed door here, a dirty look there. I mean they should know right?!?

Not right.

We are all grown adults responsible for communicating our own wants and needs. If we don't, we cannot possibly expect that they will be met.

We often over inflate these communications to be conflict, when all you are doing is giving other people more information which strengthens your relationship.

If we constantly see communication as conflict then we are nearly geared for a fight before anyone has opened their mouth.

Silence doesn’t heal. What’s unspoken doesn’t vanish... it festers. It leaks out as distance, resentment, passive aggression.

Honesty risks conflict, yes. But avoidance guarantees it.

Healthy communication isn’t always comfortable, but it’s necessary. Relationships survive honesty. They wither under silence.

16/09/2025

Vulnerability is terrifying. No doubt about it. To open up, to let someone see the mess behind the mask, feels like handing them a weapon they could use against you. And so you hide. You smile. You protect. You only show the polished parts.

But here’s the issue: hiding doesn’t prevent rejection. It prevents connection. No one can love the parts of you they never see.

It can feel impossible to show people everything. Particularly if you have people pleasing tendencies. Because what if they don't like it? What if it is not what they expected?

People will come and go in our lives. That much is a fact. There will be people who like you but there will be also be people who don't like you.

It's ok to allow for relationships to start and end. For them to have just been for a moment or for a period of time. For them to have been an imprint on our lives but not for the duration of it.

We can be vulnerable with people and yes... they might leave. But what if they stay? What if they are people who truly understand you?

Not everyone you will meet will be your person. And you won't be everyone's. It would actually be highly problematic if everyone liked you - it would mean you often are moulding to what you know other people like and expect.

The truth? The people who matter won’t run from your vulnerability... they’ll lean in. Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the birthplace of intimacy, trust, and belonging.

14/09/2025

Why is it so hard to switch off? To rest without guilt? To stop without feeling lazy?
Because we live in a culture that glorifies productivity. You’ve been taught that your worth is tied to output... that stillness equals waste.

But you are not a machine. You were never meant to run endlessly. Humans need pause. Recovery. Stillness.

Rest isn’t indulgence. It isn’t something you earn only after collapse. Rest is part of the process.

You don’t need to “deserve” downtime. You need it because you’re alive. Rest is not a luxury. It’s a requirement.

12/09/2025

It feels good to be validated. The compliment. The like. The recognition. But the feeling is fleeting... gone as quickly as it came. And so you chase it again.

The problem with external validation is that it’s never enough. It fades. It shifts. It depends on others. We call this reassurance seeking. It drives anxiety in the background because it is almost like a drug you can't get enough of.

Because every time you do actually get the validation, it is short lived when your own voice makes you doubt it. 'But are they just saying that?', 'They don't mean it'.

CBT invites us to build internal validation: the practice of affirming yourself, regardless of outside response. I like to say to clients it is having your own back. Knowing that regardless of external validation you are able to internally have your own back and see that you are worth a lot regardless of the situation or environment.

Because the deepest validation doesn’t come from others seeing your worth. It comes from you finally believing it.

10/09/2025

The harshest words often don’t come from others... they come from inside your own mind. “You’re lazy. You’re a failure. You’ll never get it right.”

Here’s the paradox: we think self-criticism keeps us disciplined, but research shows the opposite. Shame doesn’t build growth: it fuels avoidance and despair.

We are creating pits of self doubt, fractured confidence and punishment. People who are highly self critical are usually lacking in confidence and find they have low self esteem. This is because when you continuously think in a certain way you start to act that way too.

You convince yourself you are less than others so shrink in a crowd of people.
Tell yourself people don't care if you go, so you avoid and don't show up.
Feel like an imposter in a loving relationship so fight with them to give them a chance to prove you right.

What helps growth with all of this is compassion. The same tone you’d use with a struggling friend. The same patience you’d offer someone you love.

Self criticism will keep you small. Keep you feeling less than. It is your narrative so you have the power to change it.

You know it would be hurtful to say this stuff to others. Why do you deserve it?

The challenge is turning that same gentleness inward. Not as indulgence, but as truth. Because you’ve never bullied yourself into healing. And you never will.

08/09/2025

It’s easier to numb than to feel. You scroll so you don’t feel lonely. You eat so you don’t feel anxious. You drink so you don’t feel sad. You work so you don’t feel worthless.

And it works... for a moment. The ache quiets. The pain softens. But it always returns. Because numbing doesn’t erase emotions. It only buries them, and buried emotions leak out in stress, illness, exhaustion.

Numbing is your brain’s way of saying, “I don’t know how to cope with this.”

The alternative isn’t to rip yourself open and feel everything at once. It’s to let yourself feel in small doses. To name what hurts. To tolerate it for a few minutes at a time.

Because emotions are like waves: when you stop running, they rise… and then they fall.

06/09/2025

There’s a quiet panic in not knowing what you want to do. It seems like everyone else has a path, a five-year plan, a dream job. Meanwhile, you feel behind. Lost. Uncertain.

But here’s the truth: most people don’t “find” their calling in a single lightning bolt moment. They stumble into it. Piece by piece. By trying things, failing at things, learning along the way.

Purpose isn’t discovered once. It’s built across a lifetime.

Sometimes our jobs are there to fill other needs, but we feel they must be there for all purposes. We see people in their 'dream jobs', living their 'dream lives' and feel this is something we MUST have.

The reality is that of course it would be lovely to do whatever job it is that you love. But every job has some cons within it. We need to explore deeper what the current purpose for the job you are in is.

Is it getting you to go down a career path trajectory you want to be on, and therefore is a means to an end?
Is the paycheck giving you the lifestyle you want, and therefore the cons of the job can be accepted?
Is it necessary for right now, because you are not actually sure what it is you like doing, and you need to explore a bit more?
Can you find your 'passion' outside of work?

The 'perfect job' doesn't exist. It is often an accumulation of circumstances that we hope is adding more to your life than taking away.

Sometimes it can be hard to 'feel' like this is the forever job and what you were looking for. Because who really knows? And once it is enough for now, tomorrow and this week - is that not enough?

If you don’t know right now... you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re just exploring. You can change when you want to. But no one has it all figured out.

04/09/2025

Feeling stuck can feel suffocating. Days blur, progress stalls, and the more you try to “figure it out,” the heavier it feels. You start to wonder if this is it; if this is all life has to offer.

But stuckness doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Life naturally moves in cycles... forward motion, pause, reflection.

Often, what keeps us stuck is waiting. Waiting for motivation, for clarity, for certainty. But clarity rarely comes before action. It comes because of action.

So if you’re stuck, don’t wait for the perfect plan. Take one small action. Have one new conversation. Try one new thing. The smallest movement can break the heaviest fog.

You’re not behind. You’re just in between chapters.

02/09/2025

We’re surrounded by messages that ordinary isn’t enough. You have to be amazing. Extraordinary. Always achieving. Always proving 💯

We see people doing things all the time and have more access to people's lives now than ever before. It is nearly like a glimpse into everyone's homes to see how they live.

But all of it is curated to be what they want you to see. To be the parts they are proud of. We have to remember what our own goals in life are.

Are you comparing your life to someone who has a completely different path ahead for themselves? Are you trying to achieve a version of amazing that is actually not even your own?🧐

But the constant chase comes with a cost: burnout, emptiness, never feeling satisfied because the bar keeps moving higher.

CBT calls this conditional worth: the belief that your value depends on what you achieve. But worth doesn’t need conditions. You mattered before the title, before the success, before the milestones.

So pause and ask: “Am I chasing this because I truly want it... or because I think I won’t matter without it?”

Sometimes the bravest thing isn’t doing more. It’s allowing yourself to simply be.

31/08/2025

There are a lot of behaviours we engage in that are called safety behaviours. They are somewhat problematic behaviours that make us feel safe for a certain period of time but over time and long term can have negative effects.

These safety behaviours often include behaviours of escape, avoidance, sabotage etc. that over time nip away at us in the background.

Overspending has become in our current way of living a newfound safety behaviour. Online shopping is just there waiting for you. It often no longer is about wanting the thing or needing it. It’s about wanting the feeling that comes with it. The hit of excitement. The sense of control. The brief escape.

It’s not weakness... it’s self-soothing. Shopping becomes a way of managing emotions you don’t know what else to do with. But relief from spending is short-lived, and guilt soon takes its place. Those hits will never patch the emotional fractures.

The deeper truth? You’re not craving a new item. You’re craving something harder to name: comfort, connection, relief, rest.

So pause before you buy and ask: “What am I really needing right now?” Because no purchase can give you what your heart, body or mind is truly asking for.

The Mind Mechanic

22/09/2025

20/09/2025

18/09/2025

16/09/2025

14/09/2025

12/09/2025

10/09/2025

08/09/2025

06/09/2025

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02/09/2025

31/08/2025

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