27/01/2023
When we are haunted by traumatic memories from childhood this shapes how we live and how we think about our lives. One characteristic of trauma is that the event is not relegated to the past…it remains with us in the present and affects future outcomes. We need parents to be ok, so we become preoccupied with rescuing them from their addictions or their angry, explosive moods. The child feels betrayed each time a parent creates another traumatic aftermath and each time this happens it’s too big to be processed by the child. Gripped by a confusion of love, fear, anger and despair, the child carries the burden of transgenerational trauma…with no idea why they they feel so screwed up, feeling ashamed and often very hard on themselves. Our brains and bodies hold memories of being an utterly overwhelmed child. Human beings are miraculous though - our brains are dynamic and capable of modifying themselves and our bodies can heal from the imprints and high stress. Establishing safety and support are the priority. Then reconstructing the trauma narrative in a wider context and without the internalised shame are next…and then the mourning for what might have been and for the difference a safe childhood would have made. Reconnection with ordinary life and a strong, loving sense of self emerge from the healing. Trauma does not need to shape the rest of our lives. We can creatively adjust and leave it, once and for all, in the past. 🥰🥰🥰
