The Psychodynamic Therapist

27/03/2022

YOU know the things that bring you JOY and HAPPINESS and they are the skills you do have - you just need to love yourselves enough to lean into them when needed

Question 1 – Am I confusing my thoughts with facts? It is important to think and challenge the worry – ie. Do I have any evidence to back up this thought, or is it based from my worries? Did they not see me? Could they be busy? Is it possible they are feeling overwhelmed today and unable to chat to people? What would I say to a friend if they felt this way?

Question 2 – Am I overestimating the chances of this catastrophe? We are living in a time where perfection is very much the wanted thing and this means we can often think of things in very black and white terms. If I do badly on this exam, I’ll destroy my chances of getting into a good university and I won’t be able to have a good life. The reality is often full of a whole spectrum of colours – if you don’t do well on this exam there is the opportunity to find out the areas that could bring up your marks in the more important state exams. Take each experience as an opportunity to learn and from?

Question 3 – Am I forgetting to acknowledge all the obstacle’s I have overcome in the past? Have I faced something like this before, and what was the outcome from that? If you were happy with this previous event, use your experience to remind you that you’ve got this!! If you were unhappy with it – change up your approach and see it as a way to grow resilience. We have the ability to use each step as one move forward to being in charge of how we show up for our future self.

Question 4 – Am I underestimating my ability to make choices to change the outcome? We often worry that something is going to happen and try predict the future outcomes from a place of fear. Our worst thoughts are not the only possible outcome ( lets try move away from that disaster thinking again) and think, what do I have control over? Where I spend my time, with whom I spend my time. What can I do to reduce my anxiety such as arriving earlier or later? Can I do something that brings me joy before hand, like singing or dancing.

22/03/2022

When you are feeling anxious and you want to shift those feelings - change what you are doing in that moment.

If you are seated, stand up and walk to another room or even better outside. If you stand at your back door, or on your balcony, shift the sensations you are aware of. Feel the heat from the sun, the cold from the wind, listen to the birds, or the chatter of passing people.

If you're curled into a ball, stand and extend your limbs. Mimic your favorite super hero's stance, or athlete's focus stance ( think of Johnny Sexton in the shop looking at the menu ).

Remember the law of conservation of energy which states "that energy can neither be created nor destroyed - only converted from one form of energy to another" so by shifting our position we take charge of where we want to direct that energy.

If you're in work, school or college, walk to the bathroom, or to the water cooler, the kitchen to make some tea. If you can, wash your face with cold water. Use the small things around you.

Singing is one of my favourite ways to challenge those symptoms. Use your voice to honour your response, express instead or repress. Use the need for breath control to shift energy- choose a song that makes you happy, or a song that matches the tone of what your feeling.

Allow yourself to be okay with the fact that you have anxious feelings. Giving yourself permission to feel is far more healing than torturing yourself for having a very normal response to the things that are difficult.

17/03/2022

Sometimes you have got to go back to the start to make sense of it all.
Check out the "Change your relationship with Anxiety. A basic introduction" blog

A basic introduction to anxiety. What is it? Why is it? And how can I manage it? I, like a lot of people, had no idea that I had many symptoms of anxiety as a child. It was only in my early twenties that I started to understand that my body was trying to let me know that I wasn’t taking care of my...

16/03/2022

Reposted from

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Happiness isn't the destination- it lives in the here and now. Its making a choice of wanting to see the good that surrounds us. It could even be finding kinder ways to speak to yourself. If you're feeling the lowest you've ever been, find happiness and gratitude that you have become AWARE of wanting to make changes.

It's starts with a choice, the choice to embrace your power for not staying within the cycle.

If you struggle to find happiness in today, be grateful you took the time go look.

10/03/2022

Anxiety is something that we all have. It is our bodies response that is activated to keep us safe from possible threats.
When anxiety starts to show up in unwanted places or prevents us from doing the things we want, it is important to try slow down and understand what is activating it, and how we can manage it.

For me, understanding what is happening is often help me feel less concerned - which funnily enough helps me to not be anxious about feeling the symptoms of anxiety.

Maybe your first step might be to put the phone down an hour before bed, or no coffee after 1pm or do a body scan before sleep to note what your feeling.
Or if these don't seem enough. maybe you might want to reach out and speak to someone to help you understand what’s happening.

Be kind to yourself and make one small change - if you start there, you're making a move towards caring for yourself.

28/09/2020

An important one to check in on. When things are hectic we often forget to check in on ourselves as we run around making sure everyone & everything else is done in order to control as much as we can.

This often leaves us forgetting to check in on ourselves. Even though its a cliche its true, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Make time for a check in and to think about the last time you did something nice for yourself.

24/09/2020

https://www.instagram.com/p/CFhNqHEjtku/?igshid=z1me625hrvc8

It can take time to realise that part of therapy is being able to voice our emotions and have someone witness and hear it. Its about the therapist not running and hiding from you, that they can sit in the emotion with you, and not try to fix it. Not saying that your emotion isn't valued or isn't meant to be shown is a huge part of the healing process.

There are so many facets to therapy, to understanding our emotions. It can be about understanding our behaviours, where they come from and how to navigate them in different types of relationships. For me though, the most important empowering lesson we can learn is to be able to sit in the discomfort of our emotion knowing that it is valid, and we will be okay.

This video from is a wonderful look at how addictive rituals can be used to suppress or escape the pain and discomfort we experience. When we have awareness it can be easier to navigate and sit in those emotional times. With reason comes freedom, freedom to allow them to just be until they pass again.

17/09/2020

A wonderful post by

Codependency is a primitive defense against abandonment. When we can’t say no, struggle to honor our boundaries, and fail to state our needs, we are suffering from codependency.

Codependents abandon themselves in order to keep their partner interested. For example, a client might have wanted children for years only to change her mind upon dating someone who doesn’t. “I guess having kids isn’t really that important to me”. Or perhaps a client stays at a job he hates because he fears his partner will leave him if he takes a pay cut.

Or maybe it’s more subtle than that. Maybe you start to dress differently, or stop expressing your opinion, or take up a hobby that you don’t enjoy to impress someone. It’s all codependency and codependency is the path to self destruction.

Compromise is different. Comprise is the path to a long lasting and successful relationship. The difference between compromise and self abandonment is the energy behind it, and only you can discern between the two. One drains you, the other breathes life into you.

The first step to overcoming codependency is identifying your needs and getting clear about your non negotiables. That’s called self love.

When I first start working with clients, they often struggle to identify their needs. Begin to notice what makes you happy, what you need to feel good, and what you’re willing to compromise.

Without this foundation, we’re setting ourselves up for relationships that leave us unhappy, burnt out, and unsatisfied.

15/09/2020

Be proud, acknowledge and embrace your uniqueness.💛✨

👉🏾 thank you! 😊

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14/09/2020

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🎨 ( image by ❤)

Monday is a chance at a clean slate or to continue another week on the path you want

We need to address how we phrase our inner thoughts amd words. The power of perspective is the key to change. Can I see the light side of my situation, and if so what would that look like ?

13/09/2020

What happens when we learn/believe we’re unlovable, that there are things about us that are inherently flawed?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We can begin to enmesh our emotions and feelings with others in an attempt to make it better, feel safe, and please others in hopes of easing our pain.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What happens when we grow up? We lose connection to ourselves, what we want, and what makes us unique. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
That survival mechanism that worked temporarily to protect the child is now the thing that causes adult pain.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I’m that child, and now the woman and I remain carefully self-aware of the survival pattern of emotional enmeshment.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Many tendencies of emotional enmeshment align with tendencies of an Empath. As an Empath, I had to sort out my trauma responses from my lack of energetic boundaries.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It’s still and will always be a journey of self-awareness. 🧡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀