Sylwia Kuchenna

07/04/2026

You may be an adult…
but a part of you is still seeing yourself through your mother’s eyes—
and the world through your father’s.

Our inner world is shaped in early relationships.
Not just who we are…
but how we experience ourselves and reality.

If your mother made you feel like:
– you were too much
– there was something wrong with you
– you were the “difficult” child
– you were the problem, while she was always the victim

Then this becomes internalised.

Her voice becomes your inner voice.

So now, as an adult, you may:
– silence your needs
– over-adjust to others
– feel guilt for simply being yourself
– do everything not to be “too much”

Not because it’s who you are.
But because it’s who you had to become.

And your father…

He often shapes something equally powerful:
👉 your sense of the world.

Was he emotionally unavailable?
Then the world may feel distant, cold, or unsafe to rely on.

Was he critical or unpredictable?
Then the world may feel like a place where you must always prove yourself or stay on guard.

Was he absent?
Then you may carry a quiet belief:
👉 “I am on my own.”

Was he supportive and present?
Then the world may feel safer, more stable, more trustworthy.

You don’t just live in reality.
You live in a reality that was once created for you.

So you grow up not only asking:
“Who am I?”

But also:
👉 “What kind of world am I living in?”

And both answers were shaped long before you were aware of them.

The work is not to blame.
But to become conscious.

To gently question:
– Is this how I truly see myself?
– Is this how the world really is… or how I learned it to be?

Because healing begins when you start separating your truth…
from what was once given to you. 💛

On every Wednesday for 10 weeks, I'm going live at Skool, and we will talk about different aspects of mental health though psychodynamic perspective. This Wednesday we will look at what is shaping your personality.

Join me, *there will be a homework to do too*

LINK IN BIO

With love,
Sylwia 🤍

04/04/2026

There is a quiet myth circulating in the self-development world:
“First heal. First love yourself fully. First become completely independent… and only then you’re ready for a relationship.”

It sounds wise. Clean. Safe.
But it’s not how humans actually work.

From an attachment and trauma perspective, healing doesn’t happen in isolation — it happens in relationship.

We are wired for connection. Our nervous system learns safety, trust, and regulation with another person, not in a vacuum. Avoiding relationships until you feel “perfectly healed” can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to outgrow.

As John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, emphasised:
“The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals is a basic component of human nature.”

Meaning — we don’t heal before connection.
We heal through it.

Mary Ainsworth’s work showed us that secure attachment is formed through consistent, attuned relationships — not through self-sufficiency or emotional isolation.

And Bessel van der Kolk reminds us:
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.”

Read that again.

The truth is:
You don’t need to be fully healed to be in a relationship.
But you do need awareness, responsibility, and willingness to grow.

Healthy relationships will challenge your patterns.
They will activate old wounds.
And — if there is enough safety — they will also offer the space to repair them.

This isn’t about depending on someone to “fix” you.
It’s about allowing connection to become part of your healing process.

You are not meant to do this alone.

✨ The goal is not independence.
✨ The goal is secure interdependence.

And that… can only be built together.

03/04/2026

Something new is coming… and it’s close to my heart ✨

I’ve created a space where we can take this relationship to the next level — a place for deeper understanding, reflection, and real psychological growth.

Welcome to my Psychotherapy & Wellbeing Academy on Skool.

This is where I’ll be sharing mental health content from a psychodynamic perspective — going beyond surface-level advice and into the deeper layers of who we are, why we feel the way we feel, and how lasting change truly happens.

You’ll find conversations, articles, and videos — all created with intention, depth, and care.
And the best part? It’s all available for you, for free.

If you’re ready to explore yourself more deeply and engage in meaningful psychological work, I would love to have you there.

Join me — link in bio 💫

31/03/2026

Not every relationship that feels intense is healthy.
And not every calm relationship is “boring.”

Sometimes, what we call chemistry is actually our nervous system recognizing something familiar — not something safe.

A relationship that regulates you doesn’t leave you guessing.
It doesn’t make you shrink, overthink, or question your worth.
It feels like exhaling. Like coming back to yourself.

You feel it in your body first:
softness instead of tension,
ease instead of anxiety.

You notice it in your emotions:
you don’t have to perform, prove, or walk on eggshells.
You’re allowed to be.

Even conflict looks different.
There’s space for conversation, repair, understanding — not silence, punishment, or manipulation.

And maybe most importantly…
You don’t lose yourself trying to keep the connection.

A relationship that destroys you often doesn’t start that way.
It pulls you in with intensity, keeps you hooked with uncertainty, and slowly disconnects you from your own needs.

You leave interactions feeling drained.
You replay conversations in your head.
You question if you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

That’s not love.
That’s dysregulation.

Real connection doesn’t cost you your sense of self.
It supports it.

So instead of asking:
“Do they like me?”

Start asking:
“How do I feel in this relationship?”

Your therapist,
Sylwia 🤍

29/03/2026

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https://www.skool.com/psychotherapy-and-wellbeing-5344/Talks About

29/03/2026

If you had to become strong too early…
If you learned to read moods instead of being held…
If you felt responsible for someone who was supposed to protect you—

you may now find yourself always rescuing, always giving, always holding it together… even when you’re falling apart inside.

But here’s the truth:

You were never meant to carry that much.
You were never meant to abandon yourself to keep others safe.

Healing is not about becoming stronger.
It’s about finally allowing yourself to have needs, limits, and softness.

You are allowed to:
– stop over-functioning
– say “this is too much for me”
– choose yourself without guilt

If this resonates, save this as a reminder:
your needs matter too.

— Sylwia Kuchenna

26/03/2026

Sometimes change doesn’t begin with a big decision.
It begins with seeing clearly.

Not the story you tell yourself.
Not the potential you hope for.
But the pattern you keep repeating.

We don’t go back to people by accident.
We go back to what feels familiar—even when it hurts.

If I truly wanted to stop returning to the same patterns in relationships, I would start with this:

• Stop explaining someone else’s bad behavior
• Look at actions, not promises
• Don’t ignore the first red flags
• Stop trying to save the relationship on my own
• Let go of the belief that “this time it will be different”
• Stop confusing intensity with real closeness

Because patterns don’t survive awareness.
They survive justification.

Real change is uncomfortable.
It asks you to choose differently—even when everything in you wants to go back to what you know.

But what feels familiar is not always what’s safe.
And what feels intense is not always love.

Sometimes healing means
not going back.

— Sylwia Kuchenna

24/03/2026

If you feel stuck in the same emotional patterns…
If anxiety, overwhelm, grief, or past experiences still affect your daily life…
You don’t have to go through it alone.

I’m Sylwia Kuchenna — Psychotherapist, Traumatologist, Author and Lecturer with over 8 years of professional experience, and an accredited member of the (IACP).

I support patients who want to better understand themselves, heal trauma, and create lasting emotional change.

In my practice I work with:

• Trauma and complex trauma
• Anxiety and chronic stress
• Grief and loss
• OCD and intrusive thoughts
• A range of mental health difficulties
• Low self-esteem and identity struggles
• Difficult relationship patterns and attachment wounds
• Emotional regulation and nervous system healing
• Understanding different personality patterns and traits
• Personal development and psychological resilience

Trauma is not always about what happened to you.
Sometimes it’s about what you had to carry alone.

Therapy is a safe and confidential space where your experiences make sense, where you are heard without judgement, and where real healing can begin.

If you’re ready to understand yourself better and move forward with more clarity, balance, and emotional strength, I invite you to take the first step.

🌐 Book an appointment:
www.psychotherapykuchenna.com

📩 Email for enquiries
💬 WhatsApp for quick contact

Therapy is available online and in-person.

—
Sylwia Kuchenna
Psychotherapist | Traumatologist | Author | Lecturer
Accredited Member – IACP

mentalhealthmatters traumatherapy psychotherapist emotionalhealth

22/03/2026

19/03/2026

Sometimes people come to therapy saying:
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. My life is fine… but I feel constantly on edge.”

What many people don’t realize is that the nervous system remembers experiences long after the situation is over.

If you feel exhausted even when nothing stressful is happening, if small situations trigger strong emotional reactions, or if you find it difficult to relax even during good moments — your nervous system may still be operating in survival mode.

When someone lives through prolonged stress, criticism, instability, or emotional neglect, the body adapts. It learns to stay alert. Hyper-aware. Ready to protect.

This is not weakness.
This is not “overreacting.”
This is a brilliant survival strategy your body developed to keep you safe.

But the problem is that many people never had the chance to teach their nervous system that the danger has passed.

So the body keeps scanning.
It keeps bracing.
It keeps preparing for something bad to happen — even in moments that should feel peaceful.

Healing is not about “controlling your emotions” or “thinking more positively.”

Healing is about teaching your nervous system that it is safe now.

Through awareness, therapeutic work, and learning how your body responds to stress, it is possible to slowly shift from survival into regulation.

And when that happens, something powerful occurs:

You stop just surviving your life…
and you finally start experiencing it.

— Sylwia Kuchenna
Psychotherapist & Traumatologist

18/03/2026

Many people believe trauma responses only appear during extreme situations.
In reality, they often show up quietly in ordinary moments of daily life.

You might think:
“Why do I react so strongly to small things?”
“Why do I shut down in conversations?”
“Why do I always put others first?”

Very often, these reactions are connected to the nervous system’s survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

These patterns develop when the brain learns that the world is unpredictable, unsafe, or emotionally overwhelming. Over time, the nervous system starts responding automatically — even when the current situation is not actually dangerous.

For example:
Someone who learned the fight response may become defensive or easily irritated when they feel criticised.
Someone with a flight response may constantly stay busy, avoiding emotions or difficult conversations.
The freeze response can look like feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or mentally “blank” under pressure.
And the fawn response often appears as people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and prioritising others’ needs over your own.

These responses are not personality flaws.
They are adaptive survival strategies that once helped you cope.

But survival strategies that were helpful in the past can become limiting in adult life. The good news is that the nervous system is capable of change. With awareness, support, and the right therapeutic work, it can gradually learn that safety is possible again.

Understanding your patterns is often the first step toward healing.

—
Sylwia Kuchenna
Psychotherapist | Traumatologist
Accredited member of IACP