06/10/2021
I found this post and thought of all the people I know including myself who could benefit from reading this.
A parable for all you women and men who do the mothering, even when the children should and could be independent. It’s a bit if a read but well worth it.
A Mother’s Awakening
My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.
One day my dad said to her:
- I've been looking for a job for three months and I haven't found anything, I'm going to have a few beers with friends.
My mom replied:
- It's okay.
My brother said to her:
- Mom, I'm doing poorly in all subjects at the University.
My mom replied:
- Okay, you will recover, and if you don't, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.
My sister said to her:
- Mom, I smashed the car.
My mom replied:
- Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.
Her daughter-in-law said to her:
- Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.
My mom replied:
- Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.
All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.
We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called "I don't give a damn”... Perhaps she was overdosing on these!
We then proposed to do an "intervention" w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.
But then ... she gathered us around her and my mom explained:
"It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravates mine.
I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.
Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.
I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all...
I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.
I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.
So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.
From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.
Everyone at my mom's house was speechless.
From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.
For some of us this is hard because we've grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives and surrogate moms we are fixers of all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.
But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be MEsponsible.
We are not here on earth to be everything to everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.
