30/01/2020
Boundaries are EVERYTHING
I can’t state this enough, boundaries are what allows us to create and keep our true freedom.
It is astounding when we don’t have a grip on boundaries, we have no idea what they mean, how to implement them and that we even have a right to implement them in our life.
Co-dependency and lack of good boundary function truly do go hand-in-hand. When I was a total co-dependent I used to believe that people owed me good behaviour. I had a righteous indignation regarding people that acted poorly and didn’t respect others. After all, I was a good person – I wouldn’t treat people that way! How dare they?
I remember, way before I had any sort of grip on boundaries, I was on the phone complaining to a girlfriend about a lady who was blocking my parking spot in the street. I said to her “How rude, I can’t believe this woman does this!”, as well as a whole heap of other associated judgements and self-righteous statements.
My friend listened patiently (she was much more evolved than me at the time) and said: “Have you asked her to move her car?” I said to her “No, why should I have to, she should just know!”
Wow! Boy did I know nothing about boundaries, and boy was I a powerless whining being!
When you do understand boundaries you realise that it is about being aligned with the truth of your life and being prepared to calmly and clearly back it.
It is also about knowing that NO-ONE owes you anything!
Please understand no-one is responsible for your well-being, emotional vibration, and truth. Why not? The answer is simple – because YOU are the creator of it!
It was not surprising that I regularly attracted rude and violating people – because I was taking NO responsibility to be the caretaker of my life…I was instead playing the ‘righteous police’ from a very passive-aggressive, powerless place.
Since understanding boundaries, I totally accept that people can be and do whatever they want to be and do (everyone has their own model of the world), and that isn’t my business. What is my business is Who I Choose to Be, and what action next to take to live the way I want.
That is True Freedom – knowing that I can create my truth, regardless of what someone else is or isn’t doing because I can create and maintain my own alignment and safety in life. I can (without judgement, fear or pain) ask for what I need, and if people don’t have the resources to be respectful, then I can take further action (like an intervention order if an extreme case), or choose not to participate. It’s not personal – it’s just me walking truth, and my well-being is not dictated by anyone else.
I am the creator of it.
The Empowered Self Course has three modules dedicated to 1. Knowing you have the right to set boundaries 2. Finding the blocks you have stopping you from setting boundaries and 3. Learning how to become an effective boundary setter.
If you are narc free and looking to evolve and expand your True Self - the Empowered Self Course is right for you - https://bit.ly/2tWOYEP
Make 2020 the year you expand into your highest and best version of yourself ❤️ because there IS life after narcissistic abuse.
Much love xo ❤️
