22/04/2019
There are a couple of places available for the Inner Child workshop next weekend April 27th & 28th in Family Life Centre, Castlebar, Co. Mayo. Contact: 094-9025900 email: info@thefamilycentre.com
Following workshop will take place at Vitae House Roscommon on June 8th & 9th. Contact: 090-6625898
info@vitahouse.org
Inner Child journey made simple.
Our deepest needs are human needs; love, warmth, acceptance, support. “The sponataneous movement in all of us is toward connection, health and aliveness. No matter how withdrawn and isolated we have become, or how serious the trauma we have experienced, on the deepest level, just as a plant spontaneously moves toward sunlight, there is in each of us an impulse toward connection and healing.” – Heller La Pierre.
If our emotional and psychological needs were not adequately met in childhood, they continue to exist today in their original state. In order to cope and “get on with life” we all have automatic survival mechanisms we rely on to protect and shield us. This means the wounded child parts of the self becomes cut off and goes into hiding. Some parts get pushed very far away out of consciousness, especially if there wasn’t anyone there to offer comfort or support. At some point, later on, we may feel like there is “something missing” may feel incomplete, not fully alive. Sometimes, something happens that may shake the very foundations of the security we relied on, such as a relationship breakdown. This is often the beginning of the journey inward.
From experience, I have found one of the most rewarding practices to engage in is Inner Child work as a way of recovering the self. Inner Child work is about reclamation, it’s not about regression and it’s never about blame. Blame comes with feeling powerless. It’s a process of reconnecting and integrating those “lost parts” over time, it doesn’t happen all at once. I am aware of the ambivalence people can sometimes feel when they make enquires about this work. Keeping the focus on staying present “in the here and now” is important to prevent feeling overwhelmed and getting lost in the past.
There is a child in all of us. While we can delight in the curious spontaneous child parts of the self, it is common to feel shame about wounded parts. “This loneliness can be experienced with thoughts such as “I shouldn’t have this feeling, and there is something inherently wrong with me.” Criticism, rigidity, over protectiveness and rescuing are all conditioned child states. It’s these banished parts of the self that cause problems and it is from this unconscious place that “acting out” behaviours develop. We can act out in a multitude of ways from avoidance, isolation, co-dependency, to all kinds of addictive behaviours in an attempt to cope and survive such pain and loss. The buried wounded parts don’t go away but lie waiting to be acknowledged and comforted.
We all like it when we are welcomed, acknowledged, seen for who we are and respected and cared for. When we go somewhere new or meet people for the first time (maybe the in-laws) we hope in our hearts to be accepted, validated and wanted. In families, children long to feel special, “is there enough love and attention to go around for me.” It is common to question; “am I good enough, smart enough, am I ENOUGH’?.
Inner Child work can be quite an abstract concept until we experience it personally. Before the digital age when photographs were developed they came with a set of Negatives. I remember as a child one of things I loved was finding those old Negatives and holding them up to the light to see if I could figure out any of the images. Some of them were more transparent than others and sometimes you could actually identify someone. There was something especially exciting about bringing these mysterious characters to life again. This is a good analogy to describe Inner Child work, having some curiosity and a desire for connection is a good place to start this enquiry. It might be something as simple as saying “hello” to the child. I’m here. Usually we need the guidance and support of a resourced adult such as a therapist in the beginning. With some confidence and commitment it can become a life long practice to enjoy and benefit from.
Where ever you find yourself in life now is the perfect place to begin. Inner Child work is about the willingness to take responsibility (my ability to respond) because when I resist what is, “I suffer.” What ever happened in the past can’t be changed but I can “step into the picture” and create a different response to what has happened. Sometimes people worry if they can’t remember their childhood experience. All you need is to have a sense of the “child” not remembering is a way of coping and is quite common.
In getting to know yourself, you will discover you have a whole inner world to relate to, versus the thinking that everything of value is outside of yourself, out of reach, somewhere else. This type of thinking can put unfair unspoken expectations on the “other,” relationships suffer and fulfilment can still be elusive. Through fostering a secure inner attachment we start to belong to ourselves.
When we peel back the layers of existence all we ever have is either love or fear. In fear we tense up, close off, become angry and isolated. When we develop an attitude of understanding and compassion everything softens and relaxes. The cells, connective tissue and organs in the body open to caring attitudes of communication, raising the vibration and healing at a deep level. Inner Child work becomes truly transformative when all the pain and suffering we carry within us potentially becomes empathy for others.
If you feel like dipping your toe in, it is not a requirement to be in therapy already or to have taken personal development courses to attend an Inner Child workshop. Workshops take place over two days, typically Saturday and Sunday. Participation is always by choice, saying No is as valid as saying Yes.
While I have a responsibility to keep things on track as facilitator we all co-create what happens over the two days. Each person brings their own unique experience and wisdom and we learn from each other.
Conversations include: Guidance on how to connect with child parts of the self, experiential exploration of boundaries, the inner critic, shame, guilt, and purpose of dissociation/shutting down, compassion, reflections, meditations, creativity and self care.
The Child is not something we outgrow. It is a life long channel for our Spirit. –Jon Eisman
Phyllis Hunt (Philomena) is accredited with IACP as a Counsellor/Psychotherapist & Supervisor. She has a particular interest in the impact of trauma and shock and has trained in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and more recently in Jin Shin body work.
Phyllis can be contacted at 086 1973569 email: figgih@gmail.com
