11/06/2022
The first thing you need to learn about setting boundaries is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem and is the reason why you needed to set boundaries in the first place. When you don't set boundaries, it gives other people the power over your own life, and that can lead you to feel frustrated and resentful.
Boundaries are not set to control others. Boundaries with people who know none threatens their ego, they take it as a personal attack instead of taking it as a good thing that will protect the relationship. Many people tell me "I've set boundaries but he/she hasn't changed." Boundaries are not made to change people. They are set for you to control you. "I won't accept being sworn at, if you continue to trash talk me I will end this conversation" is a boundary, it's whether you implement it after setting it that counts. If you don't implement it you are teaching them to continue to disrespect you and like your words don't count.
Saying no assertively and respectfully is also a boundary. People-pleasing habits, saying yes when you really mean no, taking on more than you have capacity for because you fear saying no and upsetting people, and needing to over explain yourself to people who have a history of not respecting your boundaries will burn you out and have you feeling depleted.
Boundaries are healthy and required to sustain healthy relationships with healthy people. Only dysfunctional people view otherwise.
